Went to H's apartment today at lunch. His day off. He's not far from where I work.<p>Tried to ignore the girlfriend's clothes lying all over the place.<p>Tried to just be nice "how ya doing, kids yada yada yada... want to grab a burger?"<p>But of course... the sights of that apartment got to me. Burst into tears right in front of him.<p>He doesn't get why I'm still upset. I asked for the truth and now I've got it. So, he says I should be happy. But, he won't answer questions about it, either.<p>D word was mentioned... not doing good here. He said he would want a divorce because I'm so boring... all I can do is focus on how he's hurt me. But, he won't lift a finger to do anything and it's a psyche game with him. I get so frustrated with him! He tells me I can do what I want... doesn't bother him. He doesn't care about doing the "responsible" thing. That's my department.<p>Arughghghghgh. (How I spell frustration these days... keyboard smashing. I have a 3 year old niece who is quiet talented at that!)

Hi BK,<p>Sorry you are feeling so bad, but you know he is the one who should be feeling bad. He really picked a winner didn't he? She can't even keep her stuff put away? Eventually this will get old and you will be in a better place and position in comparison to them. <p>So, hold your head up high, you are not the one who has to feel bad or carry any guilt. <p>LB under those circumstances? WEll maybe it would be better NOT to go to that place. But who wouldn't LB in that situation? Only a cold, callous or dead person would not LB. LOL! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't worry about that LB stuff, just protect yourself from further hurt and don't go there anymore. <p>take care,
L.

I really feel for you Bluekeys. There is nothing worse than seeing the evidence first hand. Don't feel bad about LBing, who could help in that situation. I agree w/ Orchid, just don't go there anymore. Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you, no matter what happens.

Thanks for the kind replies.<p>Doing my best here to tune out his unkind actions and comments, and I definitely do not plan to go to his place unless necessary right nowl.<p>It only conerns me because my kids all drive except one. They do pop over there from time to time, and I'm always on pins and needles that they'll bust him with her! My eldest just drove over there the other day on her own (she bought her own car, is 23, and lives at home while waiting to go to grad school) to ask his advice about an apartment she's thinking of renting during grad school. Same day that I saw the mess in his apt. <p>She didn't say anything to me, but she was clearly upset when I got home that night. <p>He knows the rule: OW not to be near them. He's been successful thus far at keeping her away from them.

Like you said, "he knows the rule." You can't kill yourself over what he's doing. Just be the best "you" you can be. If one of your children do see or hear something about this that upsets them, there is really nothing you could have done to prevent it. You H will have to deal with his own mistakes in time. You don't need to feel responsible for his actions, they hurt us enough already. Just be there for your children if they do see something. I know we all love our WS's but sometimes they just p*ss me off. Sorry for the language, but I will never understand why WS do the things they do. They act totally selfish and disregard anyone else's feeling.