<strong>I think the whole fog idea is real in a sense, it just is a bad word to describe what really is going on which is active decisions based entirely upon emotion and fantasy.</strong><p>Tell me if your WS can beat that:<p>WW told me the other day that she considers playing it "va banque" - that's a casino expression, in this context meaning she will play at full risk & go with OM. AS IF THE WHOLE THING IS A F****NG GAME!! I didnt know whether to laugh or cry when she said this.

Nick123,<p>I'm so sorry she is treating you in such a disrespectful manner. It seems to me some WS are well aware of what they are doing and simply continue on. I believe this is the case with my H coupled with the conflict avoidance which spells doom to our M. He's done before he begins with this response to life. No matter how much Plan A or B I do knowing his perspective on resolving any issue, it is a waste of time. I have tried every way of non-threatening approach to him I can possibly think of during our 20 years of marriage. It is up to him now. There are issues besides EN going on here. Along with that it also appears as though he is having a MLC, but seems it should be winding down after about 4 years huh? We have discussed it a little, so he is aware of the associated behaviors, yet he does not research it, read about what he can do to help himself, nothing. Conflict avoidance. Just waits til I am gone and signs into his messenger to lie to and sweet talk the women, attempting to gain a new girlfriend. I am the X. That is who I am referred to as when he chats. Something, huh?

Nick,

All of this hurts so badly. My wife told me that she was purposefully trying to get me angry. She was searching for things that she could say or do that would make me angry enough to leave. She sure did say many many mean things and did many many mean things to get me to leave or to get me to get mad at her. She wanted me to leave so she could be vindicated for what she was doing. I never got angry with her. Never said anything mean. I just sat there and took it all and turned my cheek and took some more. She told me the other day that she gave up when she determined that there was nothing she could do to make me angry or to make me leave, and she was correct.

Most women plan and act to get desired responses from us. They even do hurtful things at times to test us or make us do something we do not want to do. Do not play into the negative part of the game, but do play the game positively. They are playing a game all the time even when we first met our wifes. Do not get angry about this. This is a fact of life and it is a big part of romance. Use the game for your advantage and they will love you for it. Do not fall into their temptations the way Adam did. The first sin that entered the world was from a woman's game. They have never changed. Learn to live in the game the proper way.

Dreamland,

I perfectly understand you - how many times did I have to eat the s**t my WW was throwing in my face, I cant count it anymore. But I'm not angry at her anymore, I don&#8217;t get worked up anymore (unless it's a real killer like the one I've mentioned before). Like you, I think the best is just to smile & not taking it serious.
My wife is a musician, quite a talented one, and is a true master of creating, sensing and playing with emotions. In this department I'm rather weak, admittedly. My weakest part is (was) probably that I just cant stomach the fights with her - they just take too much energy. Some may call it conflicht avoidance, I don&#8217;t know, but it's not the conflict per se I'm avoiding but rather the form & kind the conflict is carried out.

Try that one: Everytime my wife would psyche herself up to get into an angry LB-ing mood towards me (sometimes it takes as little as me asking TWICE "how are you" instead of just ONCE - 'controlling behaviour', you understand), I just reply calmly with 'I don&#8217;t want to fight with you, and certainly not about that. Tell me please - what's the issue? What is bothering you? Help me understand, 'cause I don&#8217;t'. That calms the situation somewhat and taught her that I'm not playing that game anymore.

Again, you're very right about WW trying to LB on purpose so as to find an 'excuse' in their twisted minds ...... but we wont play that game, wont we. that may have worked with me before d-day, when I didnt have a clue what was going on, but not anymore.

Not so sure about your bible analogy with Adam, by the way, some ladies here on the forum might beg to differ. But we're living in a free country with free religious believes, arent we :-)

Cheers!
Nick