Just a little humour...he kissed me last night for the first time in a long while. Said he missed going things with me and D but didn't want that to sway him. He said he has to get over that. Okay, I said. He said, Move on, okay? And I said, Sure<p>He then kissed me, on the lips. <p>I kidded and said, "Skyrockets.." Laughed.
He then said, "Don't get any ideas about hope for us or anything like that."<p>I said, "Okay, but can you kiss me one more time. It's been awhile..." And he did. Twice. And I know it's just that he's lacking in the SF so it might be just physical or maybe not...I pointed to his heart and said, "I'll leave it up to God to decide." And kissed him again. <p>And I know it was wrong. But...the next time, I'm going to make sure it's a little more.

Doesn't it just drive you crazy when they kiss you and say not to get your hopes up over that! Especially when it's like one of those really good heart felt kisses that nearly make both of your knees buckle!<p>The last time I checked, a kiss is a sign of affection towards someone you love. If I had my Webster's dictioary I would look up the definition, duh, I'll post back with that once I look it up on the internet.

Per the Webster's Dictionary the definition of a kiss is:<p>Kiss - to touch with the lips especially as a mark of affection or greeting<p>The last I knew of a kiss, you don't exactly kiss a enemy!

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
I am HAPPY for you!!<p>Observe their words and actions.......and always believe in their actions!<p>
It aint over T. Stay strong. Keep showing him the 180 you -- strong smart happy sexy.

WOW!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds so similar to what happened between my H and I.<p>He would do things like this all the while urging me not to get my hopes up.......and of course....I would always make sure that more and more happened.....lol<p>This is the last thing I expected to hear about your H though.....WOW again.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

okay it is pretty exciting but here is my spin on it:<p>You were chasing him and he was running away. You stopped. He stopped and turned around to figure out where you went. He came back to make sure he can still "get" to you. His comment: Move on, okay? Your comment: sure. He thinks: HUGH????!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] She's OVER me, OH NO what will I do? He kisses you, you respond, he thinks: Nope, I've still got it going on, I could have her if I wanted her, nevermind. He walks away...<p>I know it felt GREAT but what exactly do you mean by: <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> And I know it was wrong. But...the next time, I'm going to make sure it's a little more<hr></blockquote><p>A kiss is one thing but IF you mean, sex by "a little more" I GUARANTEE you will feel like $HIT when it happens and he walks away. Be very careful Terri. I am a HUGE believer in playing "hard to get". They keep coming back to put their feelers out. In my case my H kept coming back BUT it wasn't until he thought I moved on and no longer wanted him that he came back full force willing to do whatever it takes to have me again. <p>Just something to think about...

I totally believe it.. he can't stand this T... but does not want to admit being wrong, right?<p>Has he always been someone who hates to admit being wrong? I know I hate it, I think most of us do...especially men... ya know the old story how they drive around forever on the wrong road refusing to ask for directions... a man thing, right?<p>Just keep it up... I vote for more in the sf department... where my H is concerned it is possible this is the one area where he will be honst with his true wants... ? ya know ... he was never good on feeling talks anyway.. except when in hot pursuit.. courting,e tc.<p>Anyway.. MEN!<p>I know he wants and needs you.. it is not just sf... even so., glad it is you he wants.. Right?<p>I totally believe it... he wants more too! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>honey [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

OK, just saw luvnprotects message.. maybe hard to get is the way to go... I certainly havent figured it out yet! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>hugs, H

I totally agree with Iluv.<p>You need to play hard to get. You will not regain his respect by being easy for him.<p>I strongly think you need to give him a taste of moving on. I wish you were at a point like Carolk where he started believing there was someone else (she started having dinners etc with her marriage coach -- but her H didn't know that!)<p>I would never suggest that you start dating. But I would love for you to raise some questions in his mind that way. <p>Plus make it UNCOMFORTABLE for him to be divorced -- ahem -- as in do not let him have the run of your house.<p>When you interact with him -- its perfect plan A. But when he looks at your actions, he sees "moving on".<p>Know what I mean?

My H used to tell me that he would kiss me just to see if there were any feelings still there towards me. His WORDS told me no, there were no feelings.... his ACTIONS proved otherwise.<p>As far as the SF - I'm one who's for it. That's the path I chose during my plan A. My reasons were: 1) I know that SF is way up there on his EN list and 2) it was something that fulfilled my EN's too.<p>IMO, only go through with more if it's something you want too. If you do it just for him, then you might regret it more afterwards. But if you go in with your eyes open, not expecting anything more than SF, then, again IMO, you'll feel just fine about it. MORE than fine if all goes well. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As usual... do whatever is best for you and your daughter. If things progress physically between you and your H, do your daughter a favour and make sure he does NOT stay overnight. That will only confuse her more.<p>Karen

Terri,
I remember when I got my H to kiss me when it was "all over"...I then got him to take a little drive into the country. Had my wicked way with him. <p>My STD symtoms all came back. <p>We reconciled about a month later and that was the end of the first separation.<p>Careful.<p>I'm with Miss Priss on this one, you pulled away, he edged closer. I fear if you draw close, he'll be satisfied in some weird way and pull away again, but then...I only had those 7 separations to make me think along those lines [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>However, I still smile when I drive past that turnoff [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . And, despite the STDs--and I didn't know he was having an A during the 2 separations--I liked being with my H during separations, except the last one, when I knew I need boundaries more than sex, it met my needs.<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</p>

I probably don't belong here, but I vote for "playing hard to get", and I'm a guy...I know I'd be thinking about what to do more if I DIDN'T get it than if I did.

I agree too! Play hard to get, go on some dates if you can. Start going to a "girls night out", or plan a girls night out with some women you know. <p>Lines like this one below make me sick, he sounds so self absorbed!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> He said, Move on, okay? <hr></blockquote><p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He then said, "Don't get any ideas about hope for us or anything like that." <hr></blockquote>

Dear Terrified, I'm involved in the same dance with my H. It's frustrating isn't it? Everytime he gets close to me...begins feeling comfortable around me and maybe even a little affectionate he decides to bring the seperation up again and let me know that his feelings haven't changed. Last time he did this we had been closer than we had been in months...and I asked him why he still tried to kiss me when ever we are out with friends and he's had a few drinks, was it because he was just hard up to kiss just anyone...he told me that it was becasue, "It's you". I don't know what the heck that is supposed to mean if he isn't in love with me anymore. He then pointed out that we still kiss goodbye when he leaves for work...which also baffles me...it's the only time we kiss...when he goes anywhere else he doesn't kiss me goodbye. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, I'm getting real tired of the pushing and pulling act and I would say that hard to get is the best way to go. I haven't pulled it off for very long, as of yet, because each time I feel like I can do it he becomes all nice and sweet and I get my hopes up and become his loving admirer again...just to be given the shove off once again. If I could keep up the safe and pleasant distance for awhile I think I would be much better off. <p>Keep up the good work and your faith!!!<p>E.<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Espie ]</p>

hmmmm - never a dull moment for you!
I'd say you did good. Don't give him any more than that. Make him earn it.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lexxxy:
<strong>I totally agree with Iluv.<p>You need to play hard to get. You will not regain his respect by being easy for him...<p>...When you interact with him -- its perfect plan A. But when he looks at your actions, he sees "moving on".<p>Know what I mean?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I apologize to Terrified for jumping in here with a question for me...but I just couldn't resist. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Lexxxy; Just how does one do this "perfect plan A" with "Actions that say 'moving on'" while at home and in plan a?<p>Thanks! [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]

This is horrible, but like Lor..I do giggle at the memory.<p>Remember, even though we had been together for 12+ years we are not married..which does make a difference!<p>Anyway, during the "I can't break off with her yet she still needs me" phase, I told him I was tired of waiting for his decision and going on with my life...this was right before plan B, but still in plan A. So I did go out with some other men...friends..nobody serious..but I sure didn't let him know that. <p>So one night I get home and guess who's car pulls up? Get the million and one questions..and the kiss ofr old times sake, and it's obvious he's wanting more..so I say "sure, come on in..one thing leads to another..and at just the last moment I pull out a condom(quit using those years ago). He says' what's that for, I told you I didn't have anything" and I replied, "I know darling, but you don't know where I've been. Now, don't go getting your hopes up OK..I'm just a little horny."<p>Don't think I will ever quite forget the look on his face!<p>Naughty, naughty!
T<p>[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Twyla ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Twyla:
<strong>... it's obvious he's wanting more..so I say "sure, come on in..one thing leads to another..and at just the last moment I pull out a condom(quit using those years ago). He says' what's that for, I told you I didn't have anything" and I replied, "I know darling, but you don't know where I've been. Now, don't go getting your hopes up OK..I'm just a little horny."<p>Don't think I will ever quite forget the look on his face!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi-LAR-ious!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] lol!!!<p>I love it!

Terri,
You know that I don't have this Lust / Love thing all figured out, but I vote for some lust, for you! -- make an impression on his brain, but keep your cool -- Don't get lovey, dovey & like T suggested -- you still play it "hard to get" in a way -- you enjoyed the S thing, but are not making it out as any more than just plain S either -- beat him to that non-emotional punch! No stay overs for example-- you got yours & now it's time for him to move on, kind of mentality!<p>You might say the sterotypical guy role reversal!! <p>BTW, my DW has made a turn around this week -- can't say I know why for sure, but I more or less gave her a message I was tired of trying -- then when we were at golf club - her in her ladies league & I in my league, a couple things happened. One of the ladies in her league (this is first year for her) I happen to know because her D is on the B-ball team I announce for & she has always been very friendly with me (never any se*ual hints!), but she & I converse in parking lot & again in club house -- I am not paying much attention to my DW, she strolls in behind me - I am purposly not drolling over her -nit exactly ignoring, but definately non affectionate. There is a college girl & a lady in early 40's (I'm guessing), working for golf course, taking the money. Both of which are very friendly towards me & intiating small talk - They know me & I am naturally a very friendly guy. After I pay, my DW is behind me and she says I have same last name or something like that & announces she is my W -- not characterisitc of her at all. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] The group I am in finishes before her group, but we are all in the club house grill/ resturant area. But this other lady waives & says good bye to me as I am leaving and they are still at tables eating and my DW who was sitting at opposite end of tables, pays special attetnion to me in saying good bye to me -- I just waive & do not go up with a hug or anything. Now I whish I knew -- Did she see me conversing with the other women or perhaps because I was getting positive feedback from people that I am a worthwhile perosn, my attitude was more positive, I don't know, but I have a strong feeling this created a spark in my DW towards me. She was very affectionate & emotional when she got home that night. I felt we made love that night (Tuesday) and in fact more that way sense! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, this focus on self is a good thing!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] -- <p>You don't want to get this lust/love thing confused or mixed up, but personally, I don't think it would be so bad if you could put yourself in the frame of mind of some lustful play ... for you! Perhaps subtle, but if he knows it was for you, and not all about him, all the better!! Selfish, yes ... Effective, maybe very!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]<p>[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</p>

T -- (and Space)<p>Plan A actions: No LB's. No crying. No begging.
Positive happy interactions when he's around. Continue with the positive changes. <p>Moving On: Planning activities with D and friends that don't include him. Don't question him about his activities -- and don't answer his question about yours. On nights that he's going to have D -- have some plans of your own.<p>He's starting to crack -- he's made a couple references to "coming back" and the kissing is a very big deal. So now is NOT the time to give-in, now is the time to re-establish some respect and boundries. <p>I think T's WH has had a lack of respect for her. She needs to regain some control of their relationship.