I'm pretty confident I want a Divorce. I'm probably 95% sure of it. I don't think I will ever be 100% sure about anything, but this is pretty certain. I just don't see it working out. But; Am I ready to make this decision? I'm really not that far along into this. Should I wait and see how I feel in 6 months or so? My WW and I had agreed to try and hold out for 6 months before we make any permanent decisions. I told her I would try to hold out that long, but since I've never been though something like this I couldn't guarantee anything. Now after a few weeks of being seperated, I feel like I want a DV. But, I'm not sure if I'm ready to make that decision. Does anyone here understand? When emotions control us, we make decisions we later regret. Like when a WS has an A. They were listning to emotions, not logic. So I'm pretty sure I want a DV, but not sure if this is being controled my emotions. But, then again emotions surronding my WS now are all painful, so maybe my emotions are just telling me to stop the pain. Now I'm just rambling. So, my guess is I'm not ready to make this decision. What does anyone else think.

I would do everything I could to hold off, cool down, Plan A as best you can, and give your emotions and her emotions time to be worked through.<p>It's too soon; the emotions are still running high, and it's not a good time to make life-changing decisions. IMHO.

yes, I know that, but I can't really plan A, as I have been avoiding all contact at her request. When I go a while without contact I start to feel better. If I talk to her or see her, (I have once for financial reasons) then feelings get stirred up and I feel confused and depressed again. The longer I go without contact, the better I feel. So I keep thinking that a DV would be the best solution, but I will hold off as long as I can.

I am sorry for your deep pain. The gremlins have taken over your wife's brain. <p>Whenever I am faced with a decision in life, I try to weigh the strengths and weeknesses of the decision short term and long term, and I write them down. I know this sounds very basic, but the entire thinking process and writing force the mind to operate more in the right hemisphere then the left. You will see that logic will begin to pour in, which is what we need at times like this when our emotions are so strong and powerful. <p>Is there any immediate or long term benefit to getting a D? Will you feel better? Will it ease your pain? Are you ready to give up and move on with your life? Are you trying to get back at your WW with a D? These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself. Only you can make this decision. Many have chosen the worn out old road of D. Give yourself a time limit. The gremlins may stay in your WW's brain for a while. There is nothing you can do to change that fact.

dreamland<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Are you trying to get back at your WW with a D? <hr></blockquote><p>No, I actually don't know how she will react, but I worry about how her life will end up. These guys she's been hanging out with are all wrong for her. At least from the little I know about them. I know I will find some happiness. I'm a pretty okay guy. I may not have been a perfect husband, but I was pretty good. I've been told so many time by people what a great person I am, and I refuse to believe that nice guys finish last.<p>I think the things my W are going through are more of a self-esteem issue. She had a troubled childhood and has problem dealing with people socially. She either hides from contact with people (didn't leave the house without me for almost a year at one point, untill we got her on meds) or she will to anything for attention. So as much as I want to be there for her, I can't do it as a husband. At least that's what I've been thinking lately.

Your wife sounds like she is trying to find herself. Unfortunately, she is hurting you at the same time. Rationalize as best as you can your decision here, look for qualities in your WW and determine if they are worth it. IMHO: you are under no obligation to continue the marriage with her continuing and trying to establish other A's. At some point in time, you have to decide if it is worth the fight because it is a long hard battle.