Hi,<p>I am new here (I mean the forum), but I read the site and liked it a lot. I am looking for
advice and hope that somebody will be able to help.<p>Here is my story:
My husband and I separated almost 3 years ago - he moved out. We fought a lot then, there were a lot of tensions and I thought that would be a good idea to have a break and to revaluate our relationship. <p>My husband moved in with his mother, who lived 5 min from my house. All these time he would come and go, spend a lot of time with the children, we had sex, vacationed with the children. It never occured to me (power of denial, or I was too busy with my children, work, and the house) to
realize that he simple used all this time to find a girlfriend. I discovered in November, 2001 (through his e-mails), that he was seriously dating someone. He met the girl though the internet after posting an ad on a dating site. When I confronted him, his first response was total denial, after I submit evidence he did the usual - that's not serious and e.t.c.<p>Things got really ugly when I said that under the circumstances we should get a divorce. I still loved him and always hoped that we would be able to work out our differences. I only agreed to separation that long because I has a very serious issues with his mother (she has a narcissistic personality disorder and always interfered with our live).<p>I was crashed by my discover, which may sound stupid considering that fact that we were separated already. He said that I should move on with my life - so after many sleepless nights I tried to do just that. I got a lawyer and started to negotiate the divorce with my husband. He didn't want to negotiate anything. Every time I talked about divorce he
ignored me. I got our rabbi involved to negotiate a divorce. Still I got no response.<p>Finally I read about plan B and decided to stop any contact with him. It's very hard to do.
He is using every excuse to come into the house. And the more I asked him not to come the more often he comes. I can&#8217;t fight constantly over this &#8211; I feel bad for the children. He calls the kids (we have to girls 5 and 7) so they would wait for him and let him in. I always let him to see the children, but now I simply wanted him to do it at his place. He talked to me and basically asked that he wanted to be friends with me. When I asked him if he was willing to stop seeing his girlfriend and go to marriage counseling his answer was no.<p>I still love my husband and miss him tremendously. We were very close &#8211; we had this sole mate thing going. I never wanted to break the family. But it&#8217;s very painful for me to see and interact with him. We haven&#8217;t have sex since my discovery &#8211; but he wanted to do in the beginning until I firmly said no. I can&#8217;t share my husband with anybody. And I don&#8217;t have patience to wait it out.<p>I don&#8217;t want a divorce but simply don&#8217;t see any other option at the moment. Please give me your opinion, maybe someone has a similar situation. Any response is appreciated.<p>Jules,<p>38 years
Together 14
Married 11
2 daughters - 5 and 8 years

Have you considered counseling for yourself?? Perhaps schedule a session with one of the MB counselors here, one of them will be able to give you guidance. <p>Sorry, I am not much help, but I did want to make sure that this got bumped up, perhaps somone else may be able to give you some advice.<p>((Hugs))