Most of you don't know me from Adam. I lurk a lot, and usually only post when I need to vent.

My WW recently moved back home. At first she was trying really hard to work on the M. Now she is confused. I know that we are not in recovery. I am doing my best to continue Plan A.

She and I are still in a rocky place. According to her I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm being great. She doesn't like that she's being mean to me. (Not showing me affection my #1 EN) She still doesn't believe that she can fall in love with me again. And she doesn't believe that she has to completely sever contact with OM. (her co-worker)

I'm pretty sure that if they talk to eachother it's only at work. She hasn't called him since the beginning of June, and he hasn't called the house. I don't know if he has called her to the cell phone.

Here is my dilema.

My brother and his fiance have come into town to visit. I haven't been able to spend much time with them because of work. Tonight we (My W and I) are supposed to go to San Antonio with my Brother and his finace where we will meet up with my Sister and her H.

Up until yeserday my W said that she did want to go. Last night we had a long talk. Good and Bad. She feels that she "jumped" the gun by moving back home, and she doesn't want to send the wrong signal to my family. In other words she doesn't want to pretend that everthing is ok.

I told her that I understand, and that since she didn't feel like going then we wouldn't go. Then she got upset. She told me that I needed to go. I needed to spend the time with my brother. I told her that I would get to see him again some other time, and that she was much more important to me.

She and I never really resolved the issue. We started talking about other things, and kind of avoided the subject.

What should I do? I honestly don't want to go with my family without my W. On the otherhand I don't want to make my W mad because I "made her look bad" in my families eyes. (She says that it's bad enough since she isn't going, it would be worse if we both don't go.) I know my family will understand if I don't go. I just don't know what to do.

FL

Seems like a great opportunity to snoop a bit. Tell your family you'll pass, you're sorry, and make sure they don't call the house for you.

If it was me, I would go. Make sure right up until you go she knows you wished she were going. Let her know you are going so she doesn't worry about the family thing. Maybe even tell her you don't want to go but you'll do it to give her one less thing to worry about. You know she is confised right now. Maybe it is too understanding. It is just what I would do.
Good luck,
Don't give up hope!
Layli

This is a tough one to comment on, because it's really such a personal decision - YOU know your family and the situation better than we do.

But, since you're asking, I would have to vote to go.

Because, you need to get on with your life, and with doing things for you. If W DIDN'T want you to go, that might be a different story - it would be an LB. Tell your W you and your family will miss her (not whining!), and you would love for her to be there.

Whattaya think?

just my 2 cents! Good luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Lyxa - my gut tells me that I don't need to snoop on my W. not right now anyway. If I stay it's because I want to spend the quality time with her.

layli - I agree that I need to be sure that my W knows that I would like her to go.

Faith1 - You're right of course that if my W didn't want me to go that would be an LB. I hadn't thought of that. I know that she wants me to go because she doesn't want to be selfish and make me miss out on this trip because of her.

FL

I just got off the phone with my dad. We talked about the trip. He told me the family will support me either way. Of course my Brother and Sister will be disappointed if I don't go, but they will understand that it's for a very good reason. My Dad also told me that my family really does want my W to come along. They want her to know that they love her no matter what.

I'm going to lunch with my W in a little while. Hopefully she and I can decide what to do.

Now I need to cheer myself up. Work + this situation has brought me way down.

FL