See emails below, let me know what you think by her response and my response to her:

I wrote:
(short version, edited, and paraphrased) I told her how much I loved her and the pain I am feeling. I initially posted all of this but it was too long.
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WW WROTE:
Thank you for your sweet and kind thoughts. I do not deserve them from you. You are a wonderful person....any woman or person can see this. I do not know what is wrong with me. I do think you are Great! Maybe the fog is lifting. I have done something very wrong and it is difficult to forgive myself and accept forgiveness from you. I have wronged you, us and our family...you did NOTHING to deserve it. I am so sorry I messed things up so badly.

Try to smile. I love you deeply.
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I WROTE:
Things may be messed up now, but they are not irreparable. The good thing about forgiveness is that you do not need to accept my forgiveness, it just exists in me.

I am not sad today. I am just a little numb and so tired ((Son #2) needs to sleep for the night for a change.)

Thanks for saying you love me, (not to be mean) but I will use your words to OM "what good does that do me." How can you love me and continue to keep me in this state where you are on the fence. I am a mess. I have great anxiety wondering and waiting what will happen next.

When you say "maybe the fog is lifting", it is telling me that you still are hoping that OM and you will work. Is this true? So things are really not over between you two? I know these questions are difficult to answer, but it helps alleviate some of my anxiety and allow me the ability to face reality and deal with it.

Sorry to talk about this so much, but it is difficult to just ignore everything and go on with life because you are so much a part of my life. I love you very much regardless of anything you do.

Love forever,
Hubby

<small>[ June 28, 2002, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: dreamland ]</small>

This looks very promising to me. Keep positive and calm in your conversations. Let her know you understand her feelings and you give value to them. Tell her your pain and let her know that you are not trying to suggest that your pain or feelings are more important than hers, just simply that they exist and are as real as hers.

As for the forgivness thing. . . It took me awhile to understand that my husband forgives me. I believed him when he said it and I guess I accepted it, but I still felt what I felt - bad, guilty, etc. Also, I still have trouble a lot of times fogiving myself and liking myself, especially when he has times where his self-esteem is low (which is all because of my A). Let her know that it's ok for her to have a hard time forgiving herself, but that doesn't mean you should have a hard time with it.

I hope this helps some. I wish you the best, take care.

Dreamland -

I read the first one (it was long but you didn't need to paraphrase).

I think her comments are positive. In light of the situation I think this is everything you could expect and more.

As for your reply and the first e-mail...I still offer the caution of not pushing too hard. By her e-mail she recognizes what you are doing (deposites are being made). You can't force her into ending the A, it is under pressure by itself. I know you want closure and more positive steps but they need to happen in thier own time.

I also agree with Tutter13, you need to recognize that her feelings (no matter what they are) are valid (right or wrong they are what she is feeling).

Keep up the good work.

Dreamland -

Since you asked on your other thread...nothing new is happening on my end. It still looks like things are moving the right way, but I'll wait and see.

I understand about you wanting to meet the ENs that OM is not meeting now. If she is receptive this is OK, but you need to back off if she is not receptive. With everything going on for her right now she may not be able to accept too much from you or give anything back.

As for her wanting to warn both of your parents it is up to you make a determination if this is good or bad. On the one hand, it may be just to prevent her from being embarrassed. On the other hand (if you have both not planned to tell them about this), it is more likely she is just trying to throw up a barrier around the personal problems in you marriage and this is positive. At the bare minimum she doesn't want the pain to be spread any further.

Last week I had a cousin who was suggesting she knew what was going on with my WW. I took the step of confronting her and telling her it was none of her business and she didn't know the whole story (she was not completely on track). I did this to create the type of barrier that your WW may try to create. At least in my case it was good thing (my WW said I didn't need to do it, but I know she respected what I did).