Hey Lyxa,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lyxa:
<strong>So, basically don't talk about the only thing I'm currently able to think about? Gotcha.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sucks, doesn't it?
There was not one point that we could really talk about our relationship and what was happening. It wasn't until she was completely over OM and the(dreaded) withdrawal and her being totally comitted to recovery that we could talk about it. Once she wanted to restore our relationship, we were then able to work on it. By then though, I was the one who was unsure about trying again(but that's another LONG, but interesting, story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
Now she wants to talk about our relationship, she wants to know what's bothering me and what she can do to help me get over whatever the problem may be. Every day I can see her efforts in one way or the other.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I just barely got Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair". Should I read that while she's around or keep that bottled up inside as well? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I would do... and this isn't a suggestion, just what I would do. I wouldn't hide the book from her at all(or anything else), I'd just leave it on the end table or some place she may notice it. If she asks you about it, tell her as much as she seems interested in hearing and see where that goes. But if you just read it around her, she could possibly see it as you pushing the MB stuff on her... mine would've anyway.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How do I know if she wants to talk about it?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no idea, since my W never had any interest in talking about it. Any time I tried, she saw it as me pushing her. No matter how gentle I tried to be... she simply didn't want to think about it. She would say something like "can't you just enjoy our time together and quit trying to anlyze everything" of course I didn't see it as pushing her... I just wanted answers or
any kind of direction as to where our relationship was going or what she was thinking and feeling. She simply was not capable of giving me any of the answers I needed and it drove me crazy(limbo is not a fun place to be).
Sorry I can't give much advice to help you... all I can really tell you is what I know I did wrong in my attempts at saving our relationship and how she reacted to my actions.
Your W may be completely different(and I hope she is)... mine fence sat for months and never wanted to get off on either side until it was too late. Your W may already know she wants you and your relationship and willing to do the work it takes. Just try not to expect too much too quickly.
May the force be with you!
