And not a bad sermon at that!! My eyes never closed once!!!

All of you have said I have know my whole life, never have I been tested to the point that I am being tested now though, but with the Lords help I will make it through this and be a better, stronger person!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I really think God puts us through trials like these to test our true faith. Will we have faith in him through the really tough times or will we give up on him? It is times like these when we show perseverance through the tough times that God smiles upon us and blesses us with something. It may not be what we desired at this point but if we keep the faith he will answer our prayers.

I don't think God wants any of us to be divorced people. I believe if we pray for our spouses on a daily bases that God will show them this and give them the strength to want to fight for the marriage also. I know it is hard waiting on God sometimes but like Estes said he is hurting just as much as we are and wants so bad to heal our wounds in his name. If he will get the glory then he will perform the miracle that so many of us desire for our marriages.

Keep you faith in God!!!!!

Love in Christ

Cajunky

Did get an e mail from WH last night concerning the DV papers that had to be resent, we had agreed ourselves that WH would pay my lawyer fees, his lawyer now says no only $600, and a bunch of words about the military retirement. Basically my lawyer added to many words trying to protect me. And WH is confused on some of the insurance stuff. So am not sure what to do. If I contact lawyer at this point it is just more money, I can wait til he gets papers back from WH lawyer and then call lawyer. Save some bucks!!

I am just at the point that I want this to be over with. WH stated something like~~~ You have moved on with your life and I am stuck because of this divorce.~~~ Who knew it would take this long.

Just an update, I still have a desire to call just to hear his voice. But I wont!!

Thanks to all for the love and support and prayers.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Just a suggestion..
My therapist has me write my h a letter every time I want to call him. The idea is to say what you want and to express your feelings. However, he never gets the letters. I thought she was out of her mind asking me to do that. Well, guess what it has helped me alot. I feel anxious and less lonely after I write the letters. I keep a note pad next to my bed, one at work and one in my briefcase. You might try it, it took about 4-5 letters before I felt better.
I also have my best friend on speed dial. She says if the leters do not help me to call her instead.
good luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

Thanks,

I've done the letter things for years, this is just different this time!!! I want to hear his voice. My 20 yo S sounds just like him and it is scarry at times if my son says something from a different room.

Again thanks, perhaps, I'll have to try the letter thing again!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn, Times of stress bring up our negative behaviors, like self-righteousness. I had a young friend remind me today that my H and the OW are both very troubled. That they are good people with a bad disease (substance abuse). I too can be very self-righteous.

I have also prayed for God's will and have also had the experience that our prayers are not always answered in the way that we want. I keep waiting for clear guidance, and never seem to get it.

I don't think that God wants us to be divorced, but we can't control another person's behavior. I don't kthink that just because we're doing God's will as we understand it that there won't still be potholes in the road. It isn't necessarily a failure. We just need to have faith and go on.
By taking care of ourselves, we become the best person(s) we can be and better able to do God's will in the future.

Take care.

LetSTry,

I fully agree!!, you said it with such grace!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Daybreak,
I've been wondering how you are, didn't get online this weekend and must've missed your thread yesterday.

Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers...and I hope we can visit again soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Thanks Lor,

You just never know when I may pop in!!

I do have to be in town this week, so will call!!

What do you think, should I respond to WH at all or leave it the way it is and wait for the lawyer?

You know what? I think he planned B'd me!!! Is that not just funny!!

I bet you are glad that thing at Camp Rapid is over with, wow!!! Lot's of GI Joes in town!!

C ya, Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,
My gut instinct is that you are still trying to please your H...being as much as a wife to him as you can under the circumstances. I think I'd advise you, if you can, to let him be for awhile.

My H also helped coordinate for the fire personnel & evacuees, and is involved in the security for the Faces this week...I haven't seen a whole lot of him for about a month, except sleeping or trying to wind down or watching him coach softball. {sigh}

I work Fri & Sat 10-5. You don't have to call, unless you want to make sure I'm there.

hi Dawn.. sorry it is so hard... take care of you... go get your nails done.. exercies.. something for just you. I have been doing that more and it really helps.

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dawn, I woke up this morning thinking about what Estes49 told you:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> IMO, another thing that makes it so hard is that for years you are one and now you are two. You instinctively hold on to the concept of oneness, and it just takes time for your thoughts to reprogram themselves. The default mode, if you will, is in the "us" mode. Instinctively, you think of "us" instead of "he and I" and it takes MONTHS, even years to make the transition from the default mode. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't get it until this morning. It was one of those "ah ha" moments. I told a friend about it who's in the same boat but not an MB'er and it had the same effect on her.

I realize that part of me is still waiting for him to come back, waiting for him to fix me, waiting for him to give me the opportunity to fix him, expecting to wake up and find it was all a bad dream. But instead I have to realize that this is MY life now and I need to get on with it.

Hi Dawn,
I know just how you feel. The last few days I have been feeling the same way. Very lost and alone. I am in my new house and trying to start my new life without him. I actually saw him today and it helped me to get over the sadness a little. He came to pick up our son and actually showed up in HER car! It brought me back to reality to see that. All the feelings of betrayal came flooding back and the knowledge that I have done the right thing by moving was back in my heart instead of the sorrow.

Dawn, I know you will survive. You have the strength of character that will get you through this. You are a loving and kind woman and you have the love of God to help get you through the rough times. I know you were just having a "bad moment" (I have had plenty of those too!).
Hugs to you
BH

<small>[ July 05, 2002, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: brokenhearted ]</small>

bh,

Thanks so much for the kind thoughtful words.

I am doing better!!!

I do believe that I have been plan B'd, which means he has had to be reading some of MB!! I think it's funny.

How is the new house and things going? How far did you move from where you were?

How are the other kids handling your OD moving with WH & OW? I know you were worried about that!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,
I know what you mean about being plan b'd! I feel the same way! My WH didn't call me or the kids for over a week and we had just moved. It was like he didn't even care if we were OK. I finally called him and he supposedly lost the number. It is so hard on my YD and S. They feel neglected and replaced. At least my H took S up to our summer place (which is about an hour from here.)

Anyway....my house is great. I love it and I think the kids like it too. We moved about an hour away, but it is in a different state.

My S and YD don't talk too much about Val living w/ WH and OW. I know they feel betrayed and can't quite understand, but they also want a relationship w/ their sister so they are being as supportive as they can be. Val is not very happy right now. I hope it gets better for her there. Julie (OW) actually told her she had to hug her when she left the house. It is like she lives in this fantasy world and doesn't understand what pressure that puts on Val.

Well, thanks for asking Dawn. I hope you are feeling better today!
BH

Hope things are better.. just cking in, sounds as if you are. Keep your chin up and do what is right.. you will be ok!

Hugs, HONEY

Hello, ladies,

I keep thinking, "Keep on keeping on." Things will continue to improve. I hate all this for everyone.

I am in New Mexico with GS. DIL is in Alaska for her sister's wedding. Neither S nor GS was invited. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Before DIL left, she told S that she didn't trust or respect him and that if she had the money she would get the D. FINALLY after 15 months, S has realized that there is no hope to build a new M. DIL doesn't want to try anymore. Did you read Dr. Harley's newsletter this month? Hopelessness is the ultimate cause of D. Well, S is there.

So he will begin looking for a good attorney, and DIL will get her D whether she has the $ or not. Like a typical WS, DIL wants them to be "good friends" afterwards -- NOT. A good co-parent, certainly, but it's plan B from here on.

As a mom, I want him to be happy again. He wants more children and someone to love him, and he deserves that.

Forgive me for venting on your thread, Dawn. It's overwhelming, isn't it, to think back over all you (everyone reading this) have been through in the last year or so. I suspect that in your worst nightmare, you would not have anticipated being treated as you have been by your S, of all people. Yet, you have survived with dignity, something that definitely cannot be said for WS.

Take care,
Estes

Estes,

You vent all you want on my thread or anywhere else here at MB. Yes you too need to vent and let go of some of your anger!!

How is your son dealing with the hopelessness of his marriage? Is he realizing that there may not be a joint recovery, but recovery for him as a single parent? He does deserve love and he deserves to have custody of his son. Make sure that he details out to the lawyer what it is he wants from the divorce process, (I didn't do this as throughly as I should have) have him write things out as to how he wants to have custody and visitation, make sure that the lawyer understands why it is that DIL moved to where they are living and why son followed. Write out everything, as it gets very confusing when you set down with the lawyer. Just my 2 cents and what I have learned through this process.

It is amazing what we can live through when we are faced with the unbelievable.

My parents have been a great support for me through all of this and I know that there are times my mom would love to go off about how stupid my WH has been but she tries really hard not to, and to just be supportative of me!!! I am so glad that they have been there for me, probably helps having them accross the street!!!

Estes, you take care!! Enjoy the undisturbed time with your GS, how old is he now?

C ya,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,

I wish I were closer to S. He's always been 300/400 miles away. Thank goodness for email and phones.

He says he is relieved. That is the main emotion he is feeling after accepting that he is at a dead end, relieved that he doesn't have to keep trying anymore. He hopes to get 50-50 custody with neither one of them having to pay child support.

You are SO right about putting everything you want down on paper ahead of time. He sort of put his head in the sand this past year and convinced himself that things would work out. He has not planned to protect himself enough, IMO - but I can't say too much. He is more cynical now. He doesn't want to humiliate WW by an open court custody fight, but he's not opposed to applying pressure and making her an "offer that she cannot refuse."

I wonder if WS are eventually honest with themselves about whether or not their choices have gotten them real happiness? I don't see how any WS with any character at all ever escapes lifelong guilt because of the betrayal they dealt their spouse. Of the three of them (S, GS, DIL), it is DIL who is an emotional and financial wreck, but again, it is her pre-existing emotional problems that set the family up for this year of h*ll. She has paid a huge price for her "new life."

GS is 3 1/2, and exceedingly clever, if I do say so myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He was 2 months premature, but you'd never know it. He's also about as willful as they come, and the family instability surely hasn't helped. He has done a lot better since S moved out here in Dec. They are together at least three days a week. DIL gives him over at other times when she is stressed which is often!

If you know of a nice, intelligent, 30-something lady of character, willing to relocate to Albuquerque, who is interested a kind, family-oriented, medical professional type of guy with a unique sense of humor, I'm not above playing match-maker. Forewarning - I'm serious about the sense of humor. He and several friends from HS are in Roswell, NM for the annual UFO Festival and having a great time.

I will be away from the boards until the end of July, starting July 11. I have the great privilege to be going to Ireland and Great Britain for three weeks. My cousin plans and accompanies small groups on trips. I'm going with her on a research trip of sorts, just the two of us, as she has not been to Ireland before and wants to check it out before taking groups there. I am excited.

Thank you for your interest in our situation.
Estes