..Friday morning, we were set to go to work together.. I told him I needed gas and he said okay, we got to the gas station and I asked where his credit card was..He said in his car Then he starts yelling at me asking why I forgot his credit card if I knew I needed gas in my car.

Why does everything in this marriage have to be my fault??? I don't cook right, I don't clean right, I don't take care of his son right, I'm getting fat (when we met I was 110lbs now I'm 125lbs)...I'm lazy..It goes on an on and on.. Everything I do is not enough or is not right.

Yet, I do everything I know to do.. I cook him breakfast every morning before we go to work.. I missed one day and he calls me lazy.. I take care of my step son the best way I know how and I'm always coordinating all his activities..I cook dinner every night.. I haven't been out to eat at a nice restaurant in about 2 months and that was becuz he felt sorry for me that I have to cook every night. I'm constantly doing something for fear that if i stop I'll be called lazy.. I was addicted to vivarin for a while so afraid to go to sleep, mopping our floor at 2 in the morning.. I'm so exhausted!

So on Friday, I lost it! I yelled at him, cussed at him, told him I hated him and not to come home becuz i could not stand to be around him..well he took me up on that offer.. He didn't come home till late last night.. At first I was glad becuz finally I could have some peace but then I started to miss him and wonder where he was.
We didn't talk at all last night/. I was in bed by 9:00pm

This morning, I tell him I want to talk about us and he says he has nothing to say.. and doesn't want to work on anything with someone who tells him they hate him.. I tried to explain I was angry and I said some things I didn't mean but he wouldn't hear of it.. I told him how i'm tired of him never spending hardly any time with me but yet spends 6 hours a day with his brother and I don't get 6 complete hours in a month.. He thinks just becuz he's home (on the computer) he's spending time with me..I should be thankful he's not out every night (i am) but is that really fair? Am I asking for too much?

I try to talk to him and explain but he says " i don't know what I want.. I guess I'll try to work it out with you and if it works it works if not, well it doesn't..(how can someone make something work taht they believe is set up to fail anyway?) He doesn't want to talk anymore so I tell him when he's ready to talk, I'll be here.. I dont even know if he's coming home tonight.. Someone please..any advice will do becuz right now i'm so full of anger, and hurt.. I don't want to do anything.. I don't want to cook for him. I don't even want to be home when he's there.. I don't want to be nice to him..why? Someone please tell me how to Plan A ..Thanks

Talitha,

From my experience, when my H started to nit pick me and I could do no right, I learned that this was to divert attention from him and unto me.
He has you running in cricles trying to please him. You are doing it in the hopes of getting a scrap of love. It's a great diversionary tactic on his part. Geez, you weren't sleeping trying to make sure that everything was perfect for him!

For your Plan A, concentrate on his top 2 needs and perfect meeting them. This will get you the most deposits. You will also note, that it doesn't have you running around in circles either. There is a certain amount of peace to be found in Plan A when done correctly. Not LBing is as good for you as it is for him. You feel a little more in control.
Start concentrating on you. You will notice a difference and remember that you can not control anything that he says or does. You only have that kind of control over yourself.
When he sees how you are attempting to meet his needs and yet at the same time are very peaceful, his couriosity will be peaked.

Talitha maybe I'm paranoid but if I didn't know any better, I would suspect that your H is having an A. I hope I'm wrong about this but don't discount the possibility because if he did have an A with a formerly married woman (you), he is most certainly capable of doing it again. A lot of xWS never expect that one day they too will become the BS, but it does happen a lot and more so because of whom they become involved with.

<small>[ June 29, 2002, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Joe-

What would make you think my h is having an affair? I'm not asking in a rude way, just wondering what I typed that would make you say that?

To me he has, for the most part, been insensitive, nonchalant about our marriage and selfish but maybe you're right.. Maybe it all does boil down to an affair?

He is at home most of the time but lately he has an urge to "spend more time with his brother" and when he does it's for at least 6 hours..He calls me from there ( i see on caller ID) and it's not often he's there..just here lately more than usual..

You've answered the question you made to me.

Talitha, how many times does he call you when he's at his brother's place? once, twice, more? What I'm trying to get here is that if he's aware of the caller ID, he could easily slip away after calling you to meet with another woman. Remember where there is a will there is a way.

He may not be having an A but it sure doesn't hurt for you to become aware of the possibility that he is having one. Here's a thread you may find of some interest:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018700

<small>[ June 29, 2002, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Please realize that I have a strong bias against a man who would have an affair with a married woman, so my opinion is colored by that belief.

I have read several of your posts, and I really have to say that I believe that you are being taken advantage of. It seems that your H really wants to have things his way. He seems to want to be able to do whatever he wants, yet attack you when you don't meet every one of his demands.

Why should it surprise you that he is so selfish? This is a man who pursued a relationship with a woman who had already made a lifetime commitment to someone else. Now that he has "won" you, he makes you take care of all the housework, the meals, and his son. I believe that you also said that you had been helping his ex-wife with her job situation.

I know that I sound harsh, but I think you need to realize that there are many men out there that do not treat their wives this way. Also, your translation of your name is correct, in 17th Century King James English. However, in modern English, the proper translation is "LITTLE GIRL, WAKE UP!!" I think this is very appropriate to your situation.