I am finally going to put that plan B letter into effect. I had many of you review it, and I appreciate the input that I got months ago. I'm dusting it off now, in the hopes that, this last process will help me either save my marriage, protect me or help me move on. I don't think that I can do much more in my situation.

Funny, I was talking with Orcid on the telephone this evening, and I didn't realize that this week is the week I rebirthed the MB principals a year ago. A week and a year ago I ended the affiar that began and lasted for 3 weeks after I abandoned my morals and the MB principals, while my wife was still involved with the OM. I'm hoping that I'm not just another statistic, but rather a person that many of you can relate to and learn a lesson from.

Today is my 2 year old sons birthday. A son whom, will never call me daddy, years from now, I suppose. He is a son to me because I talked her out of the adoption process the day he was born, to only discover that this child would bring my W and the OM back together again after he got out of jail. 2 years later, he is still my son, and always will be, even still.

A lot has happened over the last year, and I think I have grown, I hope to the satisfaction of my peers, friends, family, wife and God. Most of you know that I'm not happy with who I am right now. I am so very alone, and the reminders every day that I'm alone, even 3 years later bring me to tears each night I lay alone on the couch. I suppose I believe that I will always be alone, a martyer to myself. I don't think I want to ever have to endure this horrible loss and pain of love again. As my story ends in the last few chapters of MB, I have learned much about myself and others. I have made some very good long distance friends, whom I would have never met, at the expense of my marriage. But they and my boys are all I have now. I still want my wife, my companion and my best friend back. But hope and faith are a candle on the hill. Only flickers of light reassure me now in this storm of my life. I did not drown at sea, but this comma of my life has drained me.

I am not the same person I was when I was happily married, but am I any better?

I enjoyed life so much more then, when I could share it with her and the boys. Now I don't know.

I have a few arrangements that I need to make with CPS, my family and hers for the visitation of the children. I don't want this to end in divorce, nor do I want to accept the loss of a precious friendship and relationship of a person that was very beautiful inside and out who meant the world to me...but I know the this next step will be the hardest I've taken yet. I still do love her, whomever she was. I know that she'll be back one day, but will I be there for her when she finally realizes what she forever will have lost. For her I hope all things in life work out, for me they didn't.

I will be visiting more I hope (although the changes to the board make my visits more trying) for support and to provide some guidance for those of you who are in similar situations.

Thank you for always being here for me.

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 03:37 AM: Message edited by: Husband2you ]</small>

Husband2you,
I know you are hurting and grieving right now BUT you really sound good and healthy (if that makes any sense!) Acceptance and Plan B go hand-n-hand. It hurts like heck but it is an important step in the process of your recovery.

Hang in there. You have a LOT to offer the MB board so keep posting...

Hi H2U- It is very good to see you post... Maybe I have missed some of your posts.. but I haven't seen many lately...

I am sorry you are in pain, it is horrid to go through this nightmare. I do hope things get better.

Take care of you and the relationship with your kids.. that is what you can do right now... I know you know...!

How's the job situation? I am sure that will help....

Sorry your w's fog is so foggy... but no one has filed, right?

Hugs and Prayers... maybe we can see you again soon... maybe a July lunch?

HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong>...I know you are hurting and grieving right now BUT you really sound good and healthy (if that makes any sense!)...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, none of it makes much sense...at least while we are involved in the middle of all of this. I know that the cycle of the affair must churn, but its just so hard to know what comes next. I'm tryin to stay busy today I guess, but actually would like to go back to bed...I'm not working right now... again... seems I get the short end of the stick every where I turn.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Acceptance and Plan B go hand-n-hand. It hurts like heck but it is an important step in the process of your recovery.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As of last night before I posted, she called me and offered me a 'deal' of moving to Dallas, living in her home in seperate rooms, starting counseling for the boys, allowing the OM to still see the baby, her still visiting the OM, so he can see the baby, and NOT working on our marriage. An arrangement of roommates. I don't see it as husband and wife, or as best friends. I see it as an arrangement of her getting her cake and eating it to. She would have my 'friendship', her boys, her OM all there. I am not going to subject the boys to that type of contact between her and the OM/baby. I am not going to subject myself to that kind of behavior either. My lovebank can't handle any more withdrawals, the size that her continuing contact with the other man would cause.

The only thing I can see good coming out of it is that I would learn more about their relationship contact times that he is around her, violating the protective order and the conditions of his probation. It would only be a tool of seeing him go back to jail, which is not a bad thing, just a very large LB on my part.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Hang in there. You have a LOT to offer the MB board so keep posting...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know I have a lot to offer, I wish that I didn't. I wish that I was niave to everything that we all experience.

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Husband2you ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>Hi H2U- It is very good to see you post... Maybe I have missed some of your posts.. but I haven't seen many lately...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I quit posting some time ago. The memories and triggers that MB brings back to mind are all over painful again. I believe the last thing I posted was months ago, my Plan B letter. Now that I am trying to post again... the cgi script or the client side of the board tax my mac's computer to much, so everything is way to slow to 'enjoy' my MB experience. I'll try and tolerate it as much as I can.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I am sorry you are in pain, it is horrid to go through this nightmare. I do hope things get better.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for your concern. Things may get better, but better isn't what we all want, if things don't go the way we want or expect them to, right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Take care of you and the relationship with your kids.. that is what you can do right now... I know you know...!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How's the job situation? I am sure that will help....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well actually the belly of the underside of the employment world, wrecker companies are not the best companies to work for. I trained for a month, no pay, to only get in my truck for 10 days and the transmission go out in the darn thing. My employer seems to think that I ruined his transmission in a truck that was just repaired from a crash with a retainer wall a month ago, buy a driver who was using mary jane to enhance his driving experience. By the way the truck has over 198,000 miles on it. So I'm back to being unemployed for the time being. Still waiting to hear from HPD and HFD.... tick tock.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Sorry your w's fog is so foggy... but no one has filed, right?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right. No one has filed. She probably will after I go to Plan B, because I don't think she will like the visitation arrangements that I am going to suggest we follow.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Hugs and Prayers... maybe we can see you again soon... maybe a July lunch?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would love to join you all for lunch. Let me know.

H2U-"As of last night before I posted, she called me and offered me a 'deal' of moving to Dallas, living in her home in seperate rooms, starting counseling for the boys, allowing the OM to still see the baby, her still visiting the OM, so he can see the baby, and NOT working on our marriage. An arrangement of roommates. I don't see it as husband and wife, or as best friends. I see it as an arrangement of her getting her cake and eating it to. She would have my 'friendship', her boys, her OM all there. I am not going to subject the boys to that type of contact between her and the OM/baby. I am not going to subject myself to that kind of behavior either. My lovebank can't handle any more withdrawals, the size that her continuing contact with the other man would cause.

The only thing I can see good coming out of it is that I would learn more about their relationship contact times that he is around her, violating the protective order and the conditions of his probation. It would only be a tool of seeing him go back to jail, which is not a bad thing, just a very large LB on my part. "

Are you sure you don't want to consider moving... it could lead to something better.. if you plan a really well... I see her opening a door... although I could be really wrong... ? Maybe?

Sometimes we have to compromise.. maybe if OC has contact with biolog dad it is ok... maybe it would fade with time... and he would be disinterested... I am sure it would be BIG TIME LB to OM for you to move in with her... maybe she is testing the waters.. wanting to see if you two could be friends first....

Think about it a little before plan b... OK?

HONEY
PS
We have another thread up trying to figure out lunch plans... Hugs again, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H2Y,

Good to see you posting man. I think of you often and wonder how everything is going in your life.

I am saddened to hear that things are not as you want them to be after so long working at it.

I think you should send the letter. And stay away from Dallas. I think she has a sixth sense and can tell when you are starting to drift away and come to terms with everything. That is when she hangs out her carrots to entice you back. Quit playing her game Kev.

No matter how things go with your marriage, know that you have people here that care about you and your boys. We will never stop pulling for a miracle, and healing for you.

Please do start posting more. And you might try using Explorer to get to this site. It is the only way I can get on anymore. Netscape just won't do it since the latest upgrade.

Thinking of ya man.

jd

Dear H2Y,

Here's an MB hug of support {{{{H2Y}}}}

You have been in a sort of plan B but it is always undone when contact is renewed. Your distance has probably kept you in a safer environment than you realize.

We all want you and your family to be happy again. It is possible.

Check out BR's post about detaching with love. Might help.

U know MB principles well, the benefit does not start until we apply it. So knowledge in itself is not the savior. Proper application is the start.

Aloha bro,
L.

H2U,
I am sorry to read your post. I hope that you and your wife can make it. Part of me says take the leap and head to Dallas and give it 6 months and see how it works. The other half of me says don't let her play you. so, I guess the best way to decide is to listen to your heart and your head. If you think it is a chance that you can make things work I say go for it. If not I say stay where you are and let her go.
Either way make sure you take care of yourself and your boys. No matter what happends with your W you have them and they need you!!

Terry
PS. I am guessing you live in H and are thinking of coming to Dallas. Well, I was born and raised in H and I say it is a lot better than the big D. That is why I go back once a month!!! The people in H are much more friendly and they do not get all dressed up to go grocery shopping!!!

H2Y,

I remember my first post and waiting for someone to reply to me .... anyone and anything !!!! ... almost run out of finger nails to bite. Even just pointing to the proper forum will help !. An angel voice !.

If you decide to move on from MB 'cause it is interfering with your healing then apply "Giver's rule". May God blesses you and help you, it is not over 'till finalized. If it is 'cause you have nothing to offer you are wrong. Again, just pointing them to a link that help the hurt and the confused when they post you help them tremendously. We have net connection, fingers, eyes and willing heart ... many H out there hurting we have to lend hand to Orchid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

-RH-

H2Y,

Hey, are you out there and haven't responded to our posts yet?!?!? Wow what a tool!!! Great to see you out here.

Been thinkin about the direction you are planning on taking. Not as hard as it initially seems. You are a season board member I know you know that but until you actually dip that toe in the water, well your imagination may get the best of you and scare you off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I know you are tougher than that!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am still here stuck @ work...... waiting for these dumb reports ...... again!

L.

uggh... darn mac. I'm going to have to respond from a real computer... This is ridiculous. 8 seconds between words is crazy...Sorry will try this from the office tomorrow.

Ok U R forgiven. I will patiently wait for a faster computer!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

H2Y;

We should hook up; anytime will work for me.
You have my number and email.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>Are you sure you don't want to consider moving... it could lead to something better.. if you plan a really well... I see her opening a door... although I could be really wrong... ? Maybe?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did move there last September 14 and gave it a go. What I got was the OM living 2 doors down and Plan A draining my love bank to dangerous levels. I quit giving around Thanksgiving and she decided in the middle of December to 'move out' into her own place... leaving me at her sisters. I got back from the holidays and several things just didn't sit right with me and I decided to come back to Houston.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Sometimes we have to compromise.. maybe if OC has contact with biolog dad it is ok... maybe it would fade with time... and he would be disinterested... I am sure it would be BIG TIME LB to OM for you to move in with her... maybe she is testing the waters.. wanting to see if you two could be friends first....

Think about it a little before plan b... OK?

HONEY</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like your advice of moving back in with her. But I don't think I could handle the fact that she is not willing to work on the marriage right now. I can't tolerate any more contact with the OM at this point. What I don't know right now is not necessarily affecting me. Sooooo... I have really no idea what to do but just go to plan B. Its time and I just need a little push to get me there. She has been saying all the right things all week, for the most part... but talking is not action. I really don't know where I stand with her right now... for that matter... myself.

I'll try and be at lunch on the 22nd. Give me more info on it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>Good to see you posting man. I think of you often and wonder how everything is going in your life.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Well posting is NOT possible on an 68040 Mac. I have tried upgrading... everything... but the darn thing just won't access it. I'm posting only tonight because I needed to do some work on my dad's computer. Oh well. I think of you guys often also... did your W tell you I called your house to wish you a happy fathers day? I hope she told you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I am saddened to hear that things are not as you want them to be after so long working at it.

I think you should send the letter. And stay away from Dallas. I think she has a sixth sense and can tell when you are starting to drift away and come to terms with everything. That is when she hangs out her carrots to entice you back. Quit playing her game Kev.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Well YES I have been doing this way way way to long. AND I have failed at it worse than anyone here, IMHO.

I tend to agree with you on staying away from Dallas at this point in the game. A week later...at this posting... she hasn't re'offered' the move to me. She has as you say been saying all the right things to me. I guess that I've heard most of it before... many times. I guess that they are carrots.

I wish it was a game... and I could quit playing it at any point I wanted to. I know there is a process that the A must go through and I know that I haven't followed through with my ending of the Plans. That's my fault... I've only tried to do my best, but that's not good enough apparently.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>No matter how things go with your marriage, know that you have people here that care about you and your boys. We will never stop pulling for a miracle, and healing for you.

Please do start posting more.

Thinking of ya man.

jd</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JD, I know that there are many here... you being one of them. I know that I wish for a miracle also, and I hope I find that silver lining of my rainbow one day. I hope I can find it in my marriage, my wife and my life.

I hear things are going good with you. I'm happy for you and W. Don't stand with your back to the future and gaze on the past... Things will get better for the both of you.

Love ya Man! Thanks for being here.

<small>[ July 07, 2002, 11:52 PM: Message edited by: Husband2you ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Dear H2Y,

Here's an MB hug of support {{{{H2Y}}}}

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks... I always need those MB hugs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>You have been in a sort of plan B but it is always undone when contact is renewed. Your distance has probably kept you in a safer environment than you realize.

We all want you and your family to be happy again. It is possible. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too believe that I have been spared alot of heartache. That is why I am having a hard time 'wanting' to move back anywhere near her. Its hard enough being friends with her at this point. I feel like I can say anything to her about me and the boys, but I am so scared to even talk about her and I. She is such a stranger to me. I don't know anything about her anymore and that just breaks my heart. I don't know what I have anymore... but I know what I don't have.

Like you said to me on the telephone about your H... With all this misery, one of us needs to be happy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Check out BR's post about detaching with love. Might help. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you post the url or send it to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> pleazzzeee

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>U know MB principles well, the benefit does not start until we apply it. So knowledge in itself is not the savior. Proper application is the start.

Aloha bro,
L.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ouch... your right. Application application application. I have not done that, as I mentioned to JD. That is where I lack the strength to move to forward. I am so scared to go to Plan B.

I have trouble at times reaching W on the telephone when she tells me to call or for the boys and I to 'talk' with her. Of course I become upset and try not to say much to her. But boy... when she can't reach me... she thinks I'm punishing her for not answering the phone, even though I might not have a signal or battery to answer. Some of the voice messages that I have heard her leave amaze me that she gets so concerned so quickly. Its almost like, for me to get the responses that I need... is to just ignore her and man she's there. It seems like a silly game of tug-o-war.

Something will push me to Plan B very soon. Our anniversary is coming up pretty soon and I'm sure that I'll have a horrible day... (23rd) which is also my birthday.

I haven't talked to the baby in a week and I don't hear him 'playing' in the background anymore. I miss him and wonder if the baby is even there anymore....

Rambling now... but hey I posted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mahalo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tldennett:
<strong>H2U,
I am sorry to read your post. I hope that you and your wife can make it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Thank you TLD. I appreciate you responding to my post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Part of me says take the leap and head to Dallas and give it 6 months and see how it works. The other half of me says don't let her play you.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really wish I could find the strength to go to D. I really wish I had the strength to Plan A another 6 months... but I don't think I can do it another week or two. (don't hold me to that...) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>so, I guess the best way to decide is to listen to your heart and your head. If you think it is a chance that you can make things work I say go for it. If not I say stay where you are and let her go.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well listening to my heart AND my head is my problem. They both never agree. My heart says go for it... my head says no way.... then my heart will say no way... and my head will say heck... tis is nada.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Either way make sure you take care of yourself and your boys. No matter what happends with your W you have them and they need you!!

Terry</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Taking care of me is not my heartfelt intrest. I really don't think much of myself right now nor have I in a very long time. Now, I do take care of the boys, and they consume all my time, energy. They are my life. They are all I have left. Losing everything, house, job, dogs, personal effects... nearly all of it my fault, my depression, my will not to take care of me or my responsibilities... in the beginning. Its taken me a while to learn what I needed to do for the boys and what I needed to do for me. Now there happiness is my number one priority. Existence doesn't cut it anymore... Substance is a necessity for them also.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>PS. I am guessing you live in H and are thinking of coming to Dallas. Well, I was born and raised in H and I say it is a lot better than the big D. That is why I go back once a month!!! The people in H are much more friendly and they do not get all dressed up to go grocery shopping!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really can't stand Dallas... the people, the weather, the planes, the roads... all of it. BUT what I hate most about Dallas is the 279 miles that seperate my family.

Nice meeting you. Thanks for your reply.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>H2Y,

I remember my first post and waiting for someone to reply to me .... anyone and anything !!!! ... almost run out of finger nails to bite. Even just pointing to the proper forum will help !. An angel voice !.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well ANYONE can contact me.. via the boards or email. If you have a question... post it to ME and I'll direct you in the right direction... If I possibly can. If I can't I'll find someone who can. I know that there are ALOT of BH here who have lots of questions. I'd be happy to help any of you. If I haven't been in the situation yet... I probably can at least help you through it. As most of the BH out there, my plate is pretty full. But I am only a shout away.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>If you decide to move on from MB 'cause it is interfering with your healing then apply "Giver's rule". May God blesses you and help you, it is not over 'till finalized.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The triggers from posting and reading everyone's situation really puts me just a bus ride away from suicide at times. I can't handle all the details. I learned way to much over the last three years. My stomach is nearly always quezzy from my life. It just brings back way to much for my emotions to handle at times. But, with all that I learned/know, I AM willing to help you guys / girls / WS / BS / OP. But.. please excuse me if I need to run and puke from time to time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>If it is 'cause you have nothing to offer you are wrong. Again, just pointing them to a link that help the hurt and the confused when they post you help them tremendously. We have net connection, fingers, eyes and willing heart ... many H out there hurting we have to lend hand to Orchid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

-RH-</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. I know I have alot to offer. I just don't know what at times. Orchid and there are MANY other very NICE ladies here who have walked me through many a muddy puddle. I hope I have given them at least an ounce of help that they have all given me. Truly... the woman can handle this better than us men.

I've read some of your threads RH and I sympathize with you. If you need anything please let me know. You may email me also... but remember that my MAC doesn't really like to be on the internet...so I have to slap it at times. Thanks for your insight.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have really no idea what to do but just go to plan B. Its time and I just need a little push to get me there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...not sure if we can give you the "push" you need. Just know that you have done great... nothing to regret... you've held on, learned, grown, demonstrated your undying love, given her much time and patience... you have fought and excellent fight to keep a family together.

here's your song....

O-Town... All Or Nothing

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there?
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe its right I know it, know it

Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
It's time to show and tell

Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing.....

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life

Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall it's now or never

Is it all or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom
It's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all..
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

All...