For the last 15 years WH parents stayed with us for about a month each summer. This summer she is at WS house. The last two years WS couldn't look them in the eye or sit still while they where here.

WH told his mom about OW last Oct. WS will talk in front of her to me BS, & then leave & go call OW. WS seems to make other people feel he is trying to work on marriage, but he still has OW. His older sister thought that was in the past now. I told her otherwise.

MIL's questions: Tried to answer without LB.
She's 82. Respecting her, but would like her to know. MIL doesn't know about him still contacting the OW.

"Now that you have all this time what have you been doing?" Right now I'm on summer vaction.(Trying to keep my sanity) (Yard & house work, trying to keep busy so I don't have to think about WH.)(24/7)

"Have you read any good books?" Usually & read about 5 current best sellers, I said no. (WH hates the fact that I have be reading most of the books posted about on the board.)

"Doesn't it get lonely at night with the kids gone & WH in the other town?" I evaded this question - (I wanted to say -"It's WH choice.")

They came early & I was still cleaning up from spending 4 hours doing yard work. I didn't have my hair curled, but everything else looked okay. MIL said she thought WH did all of the yard work yesterday, he said just the small extra lot. She was surprised everthing looked so good.

The mowing WH did yesterday was only because there was a town party & I told him it was his turn. It was the first time he had done anything for 6 months that took longer than 15 minutes to do.

MIL has no idea about WH not being involved with D-20. D went to NC back in OCT. So WH is not helping with school $.

It seems WH is just concern about his "image" right now, you know make others think WH is working on marriage.

Ow tells WH that she is just going through the motions right now in her M. OW kids s-25 & D 20 are the only ones that know about A. No light about OW A in her workplace.

We will meet over the 4th with camping friends & MIL. It will be interesting to say the least.

I need advice about MIL-82, Our friends I don't skirt the issue if they asked.

I was happy to learn about so many recent events that are so uplifting. It does give me hope. Thanks BR & Orchid.

Hello Vega,

First of all, telling the truth when asked is not a LB. WH may interpret it as such, but it is not.

Naturally your H wants to preserve some sort of respectable image with his mom. Please don't enable his deception by not being forthright if MIL asks direct questions. She may be elderly, but she is not unaware that there are problems. You won't be fooling her. My MIL is 83, and she has antennae that detect everything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"Now that you have all this time what have you been doing?" Working on making positive changes in my life.

"Have you read any good books?" Yes, I have read several books that help me understand how to build on my best attributes.

"Doesn't it get lonely at night with the kids gone & WH in the other town?" Yes, it does. I wish he were here.

Of course, these responses will probably lead to other questions, but you didn't seek her out to tell her things. She asked you. It would be disrespectful to lie to your MIL. If H complains, tell him that you will not be involved in lies and deception for anybody. You've had enough of that! (Don't tell H that. That WOULD be a LB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Just MHO. I'm sorry you are stuck in the middle. I figure that if you don't want your mom to know something you have done, don't do it. It's like my WDIL. She made the choices. We all deserve to know what is disrupting our family.

It sounds like you have a decent relationship with your MIL. I hope the visit goes well and is not too uncomfortable for you.

Take care,
Estes

Dear Estes,

You know how to say things just right. I should have been thinking truthfully, instead of trying to protect her from getting hurt more. I knew if I answered one there would probably be more. OH well if there are I will just be tactfully truthful. Thanks for your suggestions - sometimes I have mush for brains also.

Since you are the mom of BS son, I'll share by grandmother-97 experience. My mom didn't want to tell her so I said okay, but at Easter she just came out and asked. More experience handling the curves that are thrown at you, they do have an anntenas. My mom is still learning also & so am I. Don't evade when asked.

I would like to spend some time in your neck of the woods - Glenwood Springs.

I don't know why I didn't make the connection of Colorado, but I was thinking the Estes rocket kits. You said in an earlier post you like seeing the stars. Have you seen Venus lately in the west. Brightly shining always giving a light of hope.

Yes, I always enjoyed having MIL & FIL visiting, never a problem until WH started doing his own thing. FIL died Sept 2000, I think WH had a hard time watching his parents age. He couldn't spend a whole day alone with them unless there was an agenda.

Thanks for sharing you responses, No longer Exploding, but enjoying the 4th.