I was told to maybe try this section to get some additional insight to my unique situation. I have had a couple of other post since this one. I a currently trying to make things work by giving my h his space and trying to work plan a along with spending two days a week with my therapist and seeing my psych doctor. I really want to make my marraige worka nd any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Yesterday was 1 month since my H moved out. We have had s** 3 sundays in a row, a few converstaions and he is doing alot of partying and still saying he does not think it is going to work. We are giving it 60 days. I love this man and wished I would have had my breakdown a long time ago!
posted June 18, 2002 09:04 PM
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I am new to this site and I hope I am doing this correctly. I guess I should start from the begining. Two weekends ago, I went out and drank very heavly on Sunday. I was very upset with my spouse because we had a fight about him going out on Friday night. Needless to say I was very drunk and when I got home I tried to force him to talk to me. When he told me no, I guess I lost it. I called the cops and told him that he had been doing drugs and that he pushed me. The cops arrested him in front of his kids and mine. I do not remember any of this. I checked into a mental/rehap hospital and I am finding out that I still have huge issues from my childhood. I am in couneling several times a week along with seeing a DR. My husband said he can never forgive for hurting him and his kids and that he wants a divorce. What can I do to get him to see that I am getting help and that I never realized all the hurt I washolding inside from what my father did to me? I belive that when you are married and a problem comes up you get help and deal with it. He would rather just cut his losses and move on.

tldennett,

Is it last chance ?. Many people even happily M after reconcile from Dv. My point is you have no control on what your H is going to do and what may come it is not the end ... it might be a wake up call for both of you. Learn no LB and plan A.

Show that you have changed or capable of change, you have a chance since there are a lot of contact, even physical one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

-RH-

tldennet -

Well, I'm not sure if this is the right forum for you (most of us here are dealing with infidelity) but that doesn't mean we can't try to help you out.

It sounds to me like you have several issues yourself and you are starting down the path to dealing with them. In some respects your H may feel betrayed from what went on with the police and the things you have been carrying around inside of you.

Right now the most important thing you can do is go to your individual counsleing and start to sort out the issues you have alluded to. IMHO you should look at how you proceed as a plan A (if this is not familiar to you look it up under Q&A columns). For your H to want to give things a chance he is looking for changes in you and that you feel remorse about what happened.

I would also suggest to take it slow. Don't try to force him to make a decision, just show him that you are taking the initiative. At some point joint counseling will probably be neccessary to help him understand your issues and re-built trust.

I'm not an expert and don't know your whole story. You have a lot of work ahead of you but the most important thing is to start with yourself (it sounds like you are doing this). good luck.

thank you for your advice. One of the things that lead to my breakdown, was that I always suspected him of cheating. Why does he go out all the time etc. I know they were my insecurities, but how do I deal with him now going out every night he is off and he told me that if he decides to date or sleep with someon he will call me first. That is driving me crazy, I keep waiting for that phone call!!!
Thanks again for your help. I was told that this forum had people who could help me learn to earn his trust back.

tldennet-

Right now you should not worry about what he is doing. There is nothing you can do to stop him and there is more important stuff to take care of. As you move along the path of taking care of yourself there may come a time when you can address the things that make you uncomfortable.

In the short term take care of yourself, understand the things you have been holding inside, grow as a person, and become the person you want to be. In time you will find out if your H recognizes these changes. If he does (which seems entirely possible) then you can mutually work out the things that he does that are important to you.