I've been afraid to post an update lately. It seems that every time I do... something changes in a drastic way - usually within a day or 2 of posting! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Things have been going really well between H and I. His 'buddy guy friend' has been out of the picture for about 1 month now (to the best of my knowledge - it IS possible that they still talk on the phone, but they aren't getting together in person). And that has helped our M IMMENSELY. It was rough at first, and H went through some typical withdrawal (as if it was another OW!). I was dealing with my own anger issues at the same time, regarding this same 'friend' - so H and I pretty much stayed away from talking about that issue.

BTW, my 'anger issue' is the fact that I called the police on H's buddy guy friend after he wouldn't leave from my property. I had asked him nicely (although tensely), he didn't budge. Then I spoke very loudly, and he STILL wouldn't leave. Then I lost it, and banged my fist on his car (once on his windshield, and twice on the passenger side window). That's when he lunged towards me. He stopped himself, and didn't end up touching me... but it was enough for me to call the cops on him. And should he ever set foot on our property again, he'll be arrested with trespassing.

Sadly (to me), my H didn't even budge when his 'friend' lunged towards me. And instead of asking his friend to leave, he tried to order me in the house! We've hashed out how he sure didn't prove that he was protecting ME that evening. It's still a fairly fresh wound to me.

I had given my H a list of 'boundaries' back in May. At the stage we're at, they seemed more like ultimatums - but the issues weren't being solved through POJAing (H wouldn't keep his end of the deal).

#1 was no more contact with buddy guy friend. That has happened, to the best of my knowledge. And it seems (to me), that the constant tension is gone between H and I. We spend more quality time together in the evenings now, and it's really helping our M.

#2 was no more porn. Again, to the best of my knowledge, H hasn't been getting into that crap again online. This issue will be dealt with further during....

#3 was counselling. I will be making an appointment for us after next weekend is over with. It's a busy week this week with a (tentative) meeting with the detective in charge of Andrew's police case (we're hoping to try and piece together some info to come up with a reason for Andrew's passing), and then we're out of town this weekend for SIL's "Buck and Doe" party.

#4 was more of a financial supporter. I wanted to at LEAST see H trying to find work. He's in one heck of a slump, and although he knows it's partly due to depression, he hasn't done anything about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . On a brighter note, H has indeed been looking for work on more of a schedule, and has even landed some under the table jobs here and there.

I guess this update isn't all too fine and dandy - but we're not perfect people, and this recovery thing is a LONG process. And to boot, we've been dealing with a few out of the ordinary things this past month too (a late pd <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> - NOT good on account I was 'fixed' last Nov, and legal issues with the apt complex next door b/c of their new lighting, which in our opinion is more suited to a baseball diamond than to a 'security' light that shines right in our windows, etc).

On a much brighter note... we're working on getting our wedding rings back. It's a long story, but our original wedding bands got lost. We've decided to replace them with some sterling silver bands (for now), and for our 10th wedding anniversary (5 yrs from now), we'll be renewing our vows, and having a big bash of a party, and have new gold rings to adorn on each other.

Sorry for the length... but to all of those who've managed to read all of this... thanks for your time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

p.s. Although I've been coming onto MB every evening, I don't have the time to read as many posts as I'd like, or to respond to many people. For that, I appologize. I think that right now, I'm in the phase where too much time on MB actually HURTS my M. But I'm a true MB addict... and will be lurking around for a LONG time still. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Karen,

Glad to see that things are getting better. Glad to hear that the buddy guy friend is no longer a hassle for you.

What do the police have to do with Andrews passing? Was he in an accident or something?

You seem to be very calm for having a husband that is not working right now!!! I don't no if that is something I could handle, remember my STBX H is in the military, so there was always a guranteed check twice a month. I admire you calmness.

Counseling would be good as it seems that you are still having some problems, is H taking anything for the depression?

Have you learned to drive yet? I remember that that was an issue for you!! I couldn't believe that you didn't drive, I've had my liscense since I was 15.

Renewing your vows at 10 years sound like a good thing. We were going to buy a convertable Mustang and go on a road trip for our 25th, guess I will take my D's. Think I'd like a Mustang!!

The porn is such a bad thing!! I have dealt with that with my 20 yo S, it's sad how it takes over their lives and consumes them.

Karen I am glad that things are getting better, and that you have moved so far forward from where you were last year!!

God Bless you and your family,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the reply Dawn. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The police were involved with Andrew's passing because is was so suspicious. Foul play was ruled out immediately, but a police file was still opened.

Andrew was almost 4 yrs old when he just didn't wake up on Sept 11, 2000. He wasn't sick. They did an autopsy which came back inconclusive. And the toxicology came back negative. By all forensic/scientific accounts, there is NO reason for his death.

The police file was closed in Nov 2001. However, although I requested a copy of their file, I cannot get it (all I can remember is that if there was an estate to be dealt with, then I could have a copy). Our meeting with the detective is to take our own notes of their file. Then we'll be getting together with the coroners office to review the autopsy and toxicology (again, we cannot get a copy of this report yet - but this reason being the fact that Andrew's file hasn't been closed yet. APPARENTLY they're still trying to find a reason for his death).

Needless to say, this was one of the issues that added to the environment of our M prior to my H's A's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'm just tired of dealing with some of this stuff - but just like here at MB, when it comes to Andrew, I want to know that I tried everything I could to get an answer.

Oh, and as far as the drivers licence thing - NOPE! I still don't have it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> There's always something that comes up that takes away from me getting it ($100 buys a LOT of groceries and diapers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ). Then again, we haven't tried to add it into our budget yet. I'll have to remember to talk to H about that later.

And no, H isn't taking anything for his depression. Between you and me (and the MB family), I think it's his crutch. If he were to do something about it, then he wouldn't have an excuse anymore. Know what I mean? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I can't force him to do anything for it. I can make suggestions that he make an appt with our dr, and send him internet links to view... but that's about it. The rest is up to him.

Karen

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good to hear from you... it's really hard to believe, sometimes, all the posting we did last summer... I too have been spending much more time 'lurking' than posting...

Things w/ H keep skyrocketing to better and better. I am so Blessed that he's working towards me again... many moments of doubt, but something always seems to occur to wipe those doubts away (thanks God)...

I'm sure your boys are growing like weeds... I know mine are... my oldest has finally discovered food... I knew it would happen (at almost age 9, he's almost 5' tall)... but man... didn't know it would happen with such a vengeance... I'm having to 'hide' stuff... or dole it out like some warden...

Take care... look forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Cali

Topie,

You were one of the first to respond to me a long time ago. It seems like years, however about 6 months ago. I know how you feel if you mention something positive about your relationship with WH, it doesn't feel like it has been reenforced with enough positive actions. Every now & then the fog lifts, but not enough to feel comfortable.

Two summers ago, WH couldn't stick up for me when one of his "Friends" was discussing my occupation.
Eventually I just left & went inside, I didn't serve as a hostess. Other friends step in & said "That he better check his source of infor." WH just let other person continue ranting. Now two years later Pay backs are hell- that friend is now married to a person in my same profession.

It becomes very clear when you are missing the care & protection from your spouse.

Take care of yourself,

Karen,
I didn't realize about Andrew, yes you must put to rest that you did everything that you could to find an answer.

See if you can maybe put $25 into your budget for a few months. I just can't imagine getting in the car when I want and going!!! Here in SD it is only $6 for your liscense!!! A bit cheaper. But was close to $400 for my daughter in VA, needless to say she waited til she got here to SD!!

If you figure out how to get H to seek meds for the depression please let me know, I believe that the 2 men in my life H and S are both suffering with depression.

Have a good night!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cali: I'm really so happy for you and your H! It's amazing to see the changes in him, AND you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I should remind myself to post the little good things that happen between my H and I, when they happen. And yes, my boys are little giants!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The twins are 31" and 32" tall (at least! LOL), and Eric (who just turned 3 on May 29th) is over 42" tall!!! I'm waiting for Alex (twin B) to start eating table foods and walk. Jonathan (twin A) is way ahead of him in both of those areas. But then again, Alex is a better 'conversationalist' (hehehe), and will sit quietly reading a book! (they're only 16 1/2 months old!).

Vega: yes, it becomes VERY clear when our spouses aren't protecting us. I'm just hoping that we won't be in another situation where the issue will resurface. That's mostly because I fear that he may not change. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> As usual... I'm taking it all one day at a time.

Karen

Hi Karen!
I'm so glad you posted an update! I think about you often. I can't e-mail you from work, and don't e-mail much from home, so that's just an ugly excuse for not saying hi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm glad things are still going in a positive direction for you. You're a special lady! Tell Mr. Topie I said so!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you for continued happiness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{{{ Karen }}}}}}}

Do pop in from time to time with updates, k?

Hiya Faith1!!! You're not the only one who doesn't have an excuse for not emailing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> If it makes you feel any better, I haven't been keeping in touch via email with anyone I know (even my penpal in the UK!!!). I'm not even talking on the phone unless someone calls me first.

Thanks for checking in on my thread. I've been keeping up with your MB album. I think you've done an AWESOME job!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen