Well, here's the whole story. It will probably be long, and I thank all of you who will endure it now. I need some words of wisdom and insights. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ok, as many of you know my DH was having a rough week last week. 1 yr. since he found out and he was having some issues. I was doing pretty good with all of that.

Saturday morning DH went to the ER to get his ribs checked that he had injured a week earlier. They told him they were bruised. Before he left he started having a sharp pain in his side, but they didn't think it was anything. I was at T-ball with DS. DH called me, told me about the pain and I told him to call the Dr. The Dr. gave him meds to treat a track infection.

We were all supposed to go to DH's neices b-day party (it was at the movie theater) (DH, DS, me and my mom). Well, DH was miserable and wasn't going. I got a card, picked up his prescripts, went one direction (about 20 mins.) to pick up someone else for the party, and then drove back the other direction (about 40 mins.) to the party. We were about 15 mins. late.

I was there about 5 mins. and DH called in excruciating pain. So, after talking to the Dr., we have to go back to ER. My mom agress to stay with DS at the party, my sister will pick them up.

I take DH back to ER, and we are there for about 5 hrs. They find a kidney stone. So, they give him meds and send him home, figuring he'll be more comfortable there. My sister had my son, so we picked him up. I dropped DH and DS at home, went to the grocery store, picked up pizza for dinner and came home. We ate, I got DS into bed, and DH fell asleep. I was wide awake and watched TV. About 11:30 I was ready to go to sleep. No sooner do I lay down and DH wakes up in excruciating pain that the meds are taking care of.

So, back to the hospital. I call my mom and I pick her up to bring to my house to stay with DS. Take DH back to the hospital and they admit him. I stay with him all night, and I get about 2 hrs. sleep. The next day I eventually releive my mom. Get cleaned up, clean the house, start some wash, take DS to parents to go to a reunion with them while I go to work for an hr. to take care of some things I would have to do on Monday, but I won't be there because DH is having the stone removed Monday. Go to reunion for about an hr. and then back to the hospital. DH asks us to stay the night with him. So, we run home to get DS cleaned up, let dogs out and back to the hospital for the night.

Monday, I take DS to school, DH gets procedure done, I stay there for most of the morning. I leave for about 1 1/2 hrs. to go let dogs out, staighten house a little more, and back to hospital. Spend the whole day there. Pick DS up from school, come back to hospital and DH is finally released at 7:30 PM. We go home, get DS settled, let dogs out, and go to get prescriptions for DH. Come home, eat, get DS to bed, and then relax a little.

Tues., I go to work, come home (after picking up DS from parents, who picked him up from school) and help DH with dinner, run to store for DH, get some more clothes done, eat, play with son, get son to bed, and relax for about an 1 1/2 with DH, and then we go to bed.

This morning, I get up, get DS ready for school, get breakfast for DH and get him his meds. Go to work, after dropping DS at school, and start my day. Call DH to remind him to take his next meds and to my surprise he is in a mood! What's this all about? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Well, we talk a bit and he mentions that he may go into work on Friday to help catch up on things, is that ok. I said I don't have a problem, but it did bother me. He's been laid up since Sat. and Fri. DS and I will be home and he's going to work (which the Dr. said he's not to work till Monday). But, I let it go. I had to get off the phone for work and he tells me "have fun at work. Bye." and hangs up. So, after I take care of what I need to, I call him and ask what's wrong. He says nothing, why. I told him when he tells me to "have fun" like that I know something is bothering him. He denies it.

So, here I am, crying to you guys. I feel unappreciated right now. All I've been doing is taking care of and worrying about DH, and all he can do is think I'm with someone else. He even told me Sun. that when I was doing my running (work and reunion) he thought I was with someone. I handled that well, no LBs, but today I know he is having issues again. I just want to cry. Why more do I have to do to show him how much I love him? I'm tired, I'm worn out, I feel bad for him and wish I could make the pain go away, I'm running home and work, and I'm just plain old exhausted. I want to cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

So, for all who have gotten this far, thanks a ton for listening. Any advice and/or insights are greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. I'm just really depressed today.

Hi Tutter,
I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to offer you moral support and a hug ((((((Tutter)))))).

This is just really rough on you DH right now. Plus not feeling good probably doesn't help.

I would say keep trying to talk to him. I think he will open up eventually. Does he see how much pain you are going through? Or do you try to cover it up? If so don't be afraid to let him see your pain too.

I think he loves you very much. Just try to hang in there and enjoy you day tomorrow. Hopefully he will change his mind about Friday.

Take care,
1step

Queen TUT!

Remember ... you just passed the one year milestone .... DH is vulnerable to triggers for the next few weeks ... DH is not recovered (and neither are you, it takes around 2 years) ... DH is appropriately having a melt-down as his body and soul both hurt at the same time.

You're going to be OK. Vent here ... and remember your tag line "It's OK to feel weak sometimes"... good words.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

1Step and Pepper - Thank you so much for your kind words. I really needed that.

I am just so down. I feel like I am running on empty but I still keep running. I feel so unappreciated. I guess I just thought that this would help him to truly see how much he means to me and how much I love my marriage and my life with him. Alas, I feel as though right now it doesn't.

When he said about going to work Friday all I could think about is how at one time he said that he looked forward to going to work just so he didn't have to be with me (when our M was really lacking). I can't help but wonder if it's just to be away from me? I feel so sad right now, but your kind words did make me feel loved and cared about.

Thank you.

question, what does DH and DS mean... I know husband and son... but I am confused... I was thinking it meant divorced... ?

Anyway... let me know.. sounds like from your tag yall are all together... that is very very good... ! Maybe he feels bad for missing so much work and being away from you is not the issue...

Sounds like everyone is stressed.. calm down and pamper you a bit? K?

I know how hard it is... are yall living together?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs, HONEY

Hi Honey - Thanks for taking the time here. The D in DH and DS stands for Darling or Dear. Yes, we are still together and living together.

Do something for me. . . I bought a real nice new nail polish last night (a summer peach) and put it on my nails and toes. I think that might be part of the issue.

Whenever I paint my toes he asks why. As if to suggest I'm doing it for someone else. I just do it because I think it looks much nicer than plan toe nails with sandles. So, last night he didn't say anything about the nail painting. I wonder if that is part of his problem (where the "have fun" came from).

Anyhow, thanks again. I guess the guilt about work could be a reason, but I can't help but take it personal right now.

Oh, thank you all for listening to me. It truly helps.

First of all from a fellow kidney stone sufferer, there is nothing that can compare with that pain. Childbirth is a breeze in comparison. Second, the medication that they gave him to put him under and for the pain will cause depression. Thirdly, he's been out of commission and had too much time to think and wonder. Just reassure him of your wereabouts and your committment. I think this will pass with some TLC.

Thank you Amhurt for the info. Depression? Urgh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> They really should let you know these things before you leave the hospital. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> As if I needed any help at this particular time.

I really appreciate the kidney stone lesson. It really helps me understand some things. Neither of us have ever had them before and I know nothing about them. I really appreciate the information.

I guess I need to talk to him about how I feel though, because I can't keep hiding my hurt. I am trying so hard to be reassuring, but I'm not sure if it's noticed. I guess it is, but he's going through a lot. I'll keep it up and see what happens.

I would be so lost without you gals/guys. Thank you so much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tutter,

I think there is a bit of an over reaction from both of you going on here. You are tired and you are probably a bit depressed the H still is thinking about this stuff. As one of theprevious posters mentioned pain killing meds sometimes do make you depressed. Plus he may be at home watching SOAPs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . That will depress one if nothing else does.

So, when you go home tell him you are tired and that you need him to hold you. Then just relax next to him and even go to sleep a bit. My bet is this very simple act will calm both of you down. He will feel better with you near him, and you will feel better once you relax.

It isn't always about the A Tutter. Although the thought may be flashing back to him from time to time. The real issues are probably that he has been ill, and you are dog tired from all of the running around, and the anxiety of trying to juggle his illness with all of your normal chores.

So calm down, relax, catch up on your sleep, and make sure he does as well. My bet you telling him you love him, and relaxing with him will do a lot to calm the situation down quite abit.

Have a good 4th.

JL

JL - Thanks for all of your insights. I will keep them in mind and put them to action. They make a lot of sense.

All of you - thank you tons. It has helped a lot to come here and share this. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you. It's now 4:30 PM and I am leaving for the weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I was supposed to call DH at 5:00 to wake him - but I think I'll just nudge him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Again, thank you all for the advice, support, encouragement, sympathy, and insights. It really means a lot. Take care, and have a wonderful and safe holiday.

I'm sorry for your pain and frustration. My sister had a kidney stone and she said she'd have 12 more kids before she'd have another stone. She compared it to the pain the moment immediately before giving birth.

Hang in there, lots of people care!

Hey tutter! Wow, what a weekend, huh? I'm glad hubby is doing ok. My BIL had one of those and it was horribly painful. Men are such weenies when they're sick, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You mentioned painting your toes. I only started doing that right when I was having my emotional meltdown. I was buying every color available and painting them (and my fingers) regularly. This is something I'd NEVER done up to that point. I don't do it as much as I did, but it is something I still enjoy on occassion. It seems like every time I do hubby asks why I am in the bathroom so long, or who I'm trying to impress etc... So yea, I guess any behavior they can associate with that time probably does trigger some worried thoughts. I just tell hubby I think it's pretty, doesn't he like it? And he always tells me he does. So that's usually end of story.

We have a 4th of July party to go to today and I've been looking forward to it for quite some time. It's a fun group and we've needed some time with friends. I took extra long getting froofed up last night so I'd look nice today (hair removal, hair fixing, painting etc...). Hubby mentioned then, too, that I sure was spending a lot of time in the bathroom. Maybe it's just a man thing...they don't understand how you could spend that much time in the bathroom and not be cleaning it, LOL!

I'm sure the year triggers probably have something to do with hubbies worries. Plus, I think they worry when they're weak...like we'll not like them anymore. Hmpf. Just show continued love and concern...and when he's better tell him he needs to take out his favorite nurse to show some appreciation. If he doesn't take you, then we've got a whole new ball of wax to deal with, LOL! I'd let you borrow my mammoth rolling pin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have a Happy 4th!!!