I feel like my world is caving in around me. My job is very stressful, I'm having a hard time rasing the four kids and working. My wife is is pushing for the divorce after being gone for three months, and tonight I found out she is pregnant at 35 with this other guys kid she started having an affair with three and one half months ago, and moved in with immediately. I am trying to exercise, and am trying to do all I can to handle the stress. How long and when does the crap end. I want to quit my job, move away, and just get away from everything. I am really hating my life right now. Anybody got any advice for a very downhearted dad rasing his kids and trying to make a go of it? I pray to god every night for some more strength, and still seem so far away. Oh and to top it off I'm dealing with the worst tension headaches of my life. Help please?

Been there done that and the best thing you can do is to concentrate on keeping yourself and your kids emotionally and physically healthy. Forget about WW because there is nothing you can do about another human beign acting like a pre-schooler.

If she is hellbent on the divorce, then let her file it. You have no obligation to file because you want your W back and so the ball is in her court.

Good luck and keep us posted.

<small>[ July 04, 2002, 04:00 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Hi Lost in Space, I feel for you very much, I am so sorry you are in this situation. Keep praying, ask God for help.

As TMCM says, let her do all the work for the Dv, why should you? Can you talk to someone at work about your workload, can they lighten it?

Focus on you and the kids. I hope God helps you.

dear lost-i am so sorry for the pain and stress you are feeling right now. the others are right-worry about you if you can. i know for me when i get like that, the peace of watching my little son sleep calms me. watching him do anything just makes me feel better.

Your all right, all that I can do is sit back and take care of the kids and myself. I don't understand why I would let her do all the work for the divorce. She is married to me and pregnant with another mans child. She has no respect for the sacrament of marriage, and could most likley live her life like this for years. The best I can see to do is to proceed wiht teh divorce and try and get on with my own life. In this case at present I could not work things out with her. When I met her I raised three kids with her, that she had from a previous relationship. Once I could handle it, but not again under these circumstances. My life with her as a husband is over. Thanks for the help.

Lost -

MAW64 updated me on you - I feel so bad for you. You are a very strong and good man and dont forget it! I'm coming to the realization that just because our spouses have lost there minds doesnt mean they have to take us down with them. She doesnt deserve you anyways - you need a person who will appreciate all that you have to offer and give.

Keep your chin up and take a few minutes to sit back, relax and realize what you do have - If you havent already - go see your doctor about your headaches, I got on Anti depressants about a month and a half ago and have been amazed at how much calmer and able to handle things I'v been. My headaches have almost gome away. Good luck

rdvpmm
I heard you are also going through a rough time where your husband is also very undecided since he came back. Have you had any luck in making decisions as to which path your life is going to lead down. I actually feel a bit at piece, I guess I know that there is no turning back, and my wife is only going to feel more pain. For this I do feel bad for her.

Lost -

I'm still living in limbo land - He tells me that he is going to file but will do counseling then doesnt do anything! Its the frustration of not knowing that gets me.... I love that he is treating me great right now but the worry that he will change his mind at any given moment kills me. He has even gone as far as mentioning buying a house again (were renting). I love that he is doing this and dont want to rock the boat by asking questions but that wondering what the heck is going on is going to be the death of me - it was only 10 days ago that he was going to file. I dont know what to think anymore.

I hope things are going better for you and that you were able to get some rest over the weekend. I'm thinking of you.

Je <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

lost and rdv...

I think the point of the advice you'll get from most people on this forum is NOT to make major life decisions while you're upset. That would include filing for DV yourself. Let your WSs do that, if they're so hellbent on doing so. (many times, they'll just threaten to see what your reaction will be).

About buying houses. No kidding, my W has suggested we look into buying no less than 4 different houses since D-day. I think she wants to get me even more committed to keeping our family together so that she can continue a "professional" relationship with her OM. Oh yeah, she also suggested to me that it would be "okay" for me to replace my tired van with a new, $30,000 one the weekend before D-day! Needless to say, I'm still driving the old one.

Your Ms may or may not survive this experience. The point is and should always be that YOU and your kids will! No matter what the outcome.

Take care,

rdvpmm
I do truly feel for you, I am at a point that I can at least start to look at where tomorrow is going to be and try to focus on that. My relationship is over and I know htat. It hurts at some times, but at the same time as time goes by the pain is slowly descending and I find myself looking forward to what the future holds. I have had a very bad spell of bad luck and am presently wondering when it is going to end, but fortunate for me I am very resilient, and I have been able to stay somewhat postive through all that has gone on. I cannot say enough about Mimi and the string I have had going with her. I literally have no one else to talk about what I feel at different times, adn she is very non-judgemental which helps a great deal. My advice to you is that you need to look at yourself, and decide how long you can go on with the situation you are presently living with. From the time I started having problems with my wife and her affair I thought I only have one life to live, adn I can wait for her to make her mind up or I can take control. As much as I wanted things to be the way they were I put a date and time in my mind in which I looked for total commitment from my wife to our relationship. When that date came I made up my mind, and for me there is no going back at present. This may be rude, but I have my kids and my life to get on and make the most of. My choices may one day be the wrong ones, but I am sur ethey will never be as wrong as her choices were to do what she did. I still love her and it hurts to see and talk to her, but I will love again or I will live again without her. Please ensure that you are not sitting on the fence waiting for your husband to decide. This is your life and make the most of it today, there is a life for you with or without your husband. It takes time to realize that, but the pain in your life should only go on so long and then you deserve to feel happiness again. Don't let fear hold you back, make the decision you feel best suits you and your future.

thanks Lost-

I have a time frame in mind for when I will either have a marriage again or move on by myself with the girls. The hardest thing for me is that I just get to a point where I think I've had enough and he becomes the H I love and remember again. He gives me just enough to make me want to keep on trying. and then like this past 2 weeks with no kids - Things have been great. but is that because the kids are gone and sure we can go out and have fun but what happens when the girls come home? He had told me that he would goto marriage counseling with me but when I made him an appointment with my counselor(she wanted to see him first by himself)and then asked him if he was going to go he said "Let's just see how this week goes" what the heck does that mean?

I feel for you and your sistuation - Mimi and I were talking the other day about how were not sure if we could handle our spouses having a new family and moving on in that way - You are a very strong and understanding person to be handleing this as well as you are.