When is enough enough to call it quits? I will not lie and say that I don't love my W...but I will be the first to admit that I am the reason why things are the way they are. During my time away from my W I wrongfully took refuge in an old friend. Nothing physical just friends. Because of this decision my W and I are on the verge of either making or not. I have told my wife about the truths. And I admit that after my return home I continued to make mistakes involving the other. I love my W and want nothing more than to fix what I damaged and my W feels the same way. I have violated her trust and now everything is in question. Everything has become an issue. I do my best to stress my love for her and admit all the wrong but that's just not enough. Our lives are altered now and if it wasn't for our kids then I'd be long gone. Our happiness is limited and is overshadowed by that black cloud that hangs over us. We both want a fix and we both know it will take time. But just how much tormenting can one person take? So when do the questions stop, so when does the anger diappear? I'm not asking her to forget but to forgive.

Mr. G, to answer your question, we need to know what kind of a timeline you are on, AND what your plan for recovery is. How long has it been since you have become radically honest and completely accountable for your time?

Mr.G,
When I read your name, and started to read your post, I kinda thought you were MY WH!! Alas, you are not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

To paraphrase what Bramble said to you, You need a plan. This kind of reconciliation is one of the hardest things you two will ever have to do. You might need help, from a Marriage COunselor. Start by reading all the concepts pages here. There are links at the top of this page. Also, you might contact the Harleys through the counseling center, also a link from above.

Remember, It IS hard to do this, but many have done it! Also, it helps to have a "coach" of sorts, in the form of a counselor. Your W understandably has a lot of pent-up anger, and hurt, thus the never-ending questions. Counseling with the Harleys will help her see how to get a handle on this, too.

You are to be commended for working to mend what is broken. Good luck to you both.

God Bless.

When is enough enough???

Right!!

<<We both want a fix and we both know it will take time. But just how much tormenting can one person take? So when do the questions stop, so when does the anger diappear? I'm not asking her to forget but to forgive.>>

It's not a matter of tormenting, it's a matter of really understanding and putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. When you can do this you will find yourself a lot more understanding and more willing and desiring to stomach the hills on this roller coaster.

When will the questions stop and anger disappear? Good question. I think the answer is different for everyone. You have to know, that there will be some anger that may never fully disappear (anger toward herself maybe). The questions will last a long time, but will get easier and fewer as you progress. We are days from 1 yr. since d-day. My DH still asks questions periodically. Sometimes they just need this. His anger is more toward the OM and himself. We are doing great though, and very productive in our relationship.

Forgive and forget. . . My dear, have you stopped to think that maybe it is you that is confusing the two? Or, maybe it's you that doesn't forgive?! It IS possible for your W to forgive you before you forgive yourself. I am proof of that. They will never forget. This is something that will stick with them forever. Be careful not to inadvertently confuse the two yourself. It is possible to forgive and still have issues and triggers. Actually, I think it's natural.

This is a long, hard, trying journey you have embarked on - however, it is one that is well worth it. I hope this helps some, and I send my best to you. Don't give up. Take care and good luck in your journey.