Once I found out about the affair, I was mad. NOW.....I can't get the image of him with her out of my head!!! H doesn't help much...he only tells me to get over it because I'll ruin our marriage!! He's not understanding at all and sometimes it seems like he's blaming it all on me. It seems he thinks what he did wasn't that bad. I don't know what to do. But the pictures in my head are driving me crazy!!!

I wish I could make them go away for you. The best advice I can think of is when you get the vision tell yourslef I am not going to think that today and believe it or not it will start to work. That is how I helped get through the sexual abuse I suffered. Any time I thought about it I verbally said no, I am not going to vision that today! No, I never even have visions. Its been 7 years!!
Good luck

Audra, How long has it been since D-day? Those images will fade with time. Your husband needs to realize that while you might eventually "get over it" on your own, your "getting over it" will be much quicker if he will help you. The above suggestion is a good one. And remember, sometimes our imaginations are worse than real life. I visited the OP support boards the other day and have realized for the first time just how miserable the OPs really are. They don't know what they are doing any more than we know how to handle our situations. Don't set her up as a goddess. Don't set their encounters up as immortal bliss. Just think of how she used to cringe when she found out your H had slept with you while she was supposed to be the "hot property"!!!!!!!!!!!!

Audra, sure sorry about what you are going through. There is no way to make what you have to go through easy. Focused thinking and guarding your mind will definately help, but it will still be Hell. There you go, do your very best and your heart is still going to grieve for quite a while.

I am speaking to you this way because it is the truth you need right now. Don't let yourself think of the pictures, it will just rip your heart out. But of course, some times you will think of the things they did, and ouch, you'll get the breath knocked out of you. You can't stop the thoughts 100% of the time. You can only try, and in time they will not be as strong nor will they wound as deeply.

But, immediately, you and your husband need to get into counseling! He does not know how deeply he has wounded you, and someone besides yourself needs to open his eyes. Will he go? Demand it.

Take care

He's in the Navy and he's gone right now for 6 months. I found out only a week ago and I can't confront him except through e-mail and I don't want to do that. I've learned when I make him mad, he'll get me back by not writing for days and then my imagination really runs wild. Last night he was supposed to call me from Panama and I never got a call. I haven't received any e-mail for over 24 hours either. All I can imagine is him out drinking doing who-knows-what. Why did they ever have to put females on Navy ships?!?!?! To make matters worse, whenever they pull into port there's a big box of condoms sitting there for sailors to take with them into town.