Hi,

Just wanted to share that thought. For as much as we want and work for communication from our spouses, many may often feel that our spouses are just not getting it ....... but they do. Reaction time varies. Sometimes hours, days, weeks, months, even years later. ..... ding! Oh, the WS gets it. (lightbulb moment).

One of mine came today, in the parking lot at a local high school. H & I had been talking about how needy his FIL is. H said his dad likes to be pampered (FIL is divorced). I agreed. Then H said that he liked to be pampered also but often feels guilty so he gets angry instead.

Wow, so that's it. It has been soooo confusing all these years. You do something nice and get yelled at. I asked if he was a pleasant grouch. He said yes. I then said, that he should allow himself to be pampered at times, I sure would like it. ...... Unfortunately we had 2 little boys with us who were dying to go swimming, so this moment of clarity was put on hold...... but it happened.

Somewhere between the insantity and the real world, I finally saw the picture. A Pleasant grouch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Just thought I'd check in 1 more time and here you are!

I'm waiting for some lightbulb moments myself! I'm sure they are coming, I may not like what I hear but clarity is everything to me. Wow, I'm glad you had one, those little moments are what it's all about, right?

I emailed H tonight, asked him if he would be okay with he and I emailing each other about our "stuff", the husband/wife "stuff", no pressure, just whatever we'd like to talk about. Asked him to let me know what he thinks about it. Hoping we can relax with each other and let it all hang out, safety in email kind of thing, cant raise our voices much in an email!

Just opening the door a crack.

I bet anything you are on the road to a long string of lightbulb moments. If you get enough of them you can start a special thread.

Talk atcha later, thanks for the good conversations.

Replaced

orchid- i am so happy for you. arent those moments amazing when they hit us! its like someone shined a light on the puzzle i was putting together in the dark!!

glad for you guys-good luck.

L,

Glad you posted this. I had a similar experience this weekend.

My husband was working in NYC for the day, and it had my stomach in a knot. Lots of memories and triggers - but I worked hard at keeping my thoughts under control. I did ok until the evening when his train was late. Thats when I really really got triggered badly and I was practically hysterical by the time he walked in the door.

He was very hurt by my reaction and we ended up fighting about it. He really had done nothing wrong, had called me several times to let me know where he was and what was going on, and so my distrust really upset him.

But the next morning the first thing he said when he woke up was how sorry he was and that he realized my reaction was his fault (because of the affair) and that it was his job to make me feel safe and to make it go away. Right out of Steve Harley's mouth - 1.5 years later! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I may have to write Steve a letter, because at the time we were in counseling with Steve, Steve told me that my husband did not get it. And not long after, told me to divorce him.

My husband won't talk to Steve again - says he didn't like him. But clearly, he was listening and "getting" way more than we both gave him credit for.

I think alot of WS hear, but choose not to listen, if you get what I mean. And later on, if and when there is a change of heart, things said earlier take root and start to grow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But we BSes get too caught up in our own impatience and demands that our WSes get it on our own timeline. I think this has definitely shown me that really a point only should be made once, and then let it go. If and when the time is right for the WS then we'll see positive response.

I just dont see my WH getting a light bulb moment. He seems to be a firm believer that he hasnt done anything wrong that cant be justifyed by someone elses actions, not his. Maybe he is just too young to reach that point. He has a lot of growing up to do.

PI

I've been thinking that my W's lightbulb is burned out. But, lately, once in a while, I see a dull glow for a few moments... there must be a few watts still in there.

Does it matter if the bulb is glowing in some funky neon color? Because the pink haze I see sometimes really gets me... As Faith says... DON'T LOOK AT THE LIGHT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(umm... just a silly little line from Bugs Life.)

Sorry... couldn't resist.

Thanks for sharing that moment with us. I personally needed to hear something like that. When WH first left, he was so angry and I was nice as could be, it made so much angrier (most likely the guilt)!

Anyway, Steve H told me that in Plan A that I would feel like a doormat. It is so tough but it is nice to hear that we are chipping into their thick skulls after all!!