WH has the papers. About to give them to me. I have no where to go(unless I move far away ,which means I have to change everything and not quite ready for that). And I have no car. He is getting laid off work so I wont get much $$$ from him . What a nice way to put us out.......with nothing. But thats not what Im worried about. I can make it on my own. Ive done it before, many times. Im a survivor. Whats bothering me is I feel confused about my feelings right now. I know how he feels(doesnt love me, loves her, wants a dv). But yesterday I went from hateing him, to loving him, to feeling so strong and loving myself, to depression, crying my eyes out, and back to feeling so much love for him. This was all in one day. I just wish I could feel one way and move on. My heart just doesnt want to let go. I know he is no good and I want to be strong and let him go. But all of a sudden yesterday I just saw my deep love for him all over again. Maybe its because I know its coming to an end? We went to his cousins wedding yesterday. It was so beautiful. Before the ceremony began I told him I had something I needed to say. I said, " I know you want a divorce, but I still love you and I never stopped". Tears were falling down my face and his eyes filled up with tears. We hugged. Then he wanted to cut it short. It seemed to me like he didnt want to cry and wanted to cut his emotions. He wants to hate me. I guess it makes it easier for him. We still had a good time. At the end of the night one of his Aunties gave him the longest hug and was talking to him in his ear. His eyes filled up with tears again. I know she said something to him about us. Everyone knows. He wouldnt tell me what she said. His entire family is so disapointed in him.

This point is so hard. I love my H but he does not love me. Please give me some advise. I need to let go. My heart aches. And Im tired of all of this mess.

p.s. I also found out he just opened up a secret savings and checking account at a different bank.

Orchid, your card isnt working from here. call me please. I have to go to 9:00 mass, so after 10 is good.

PI

Dear PI,

I am glad the wedding went well. It is hard to attend functions like that during the A. I went to H's best friend's son's wedding last summer. REall reall hard.

He has the papers? Well let him serve them. When can you see them? CAn't stop him now anyway. Let your in-laws know ASAP. I feel sorry for his parents. They should be very disappointed to know that their son is about to render his own family homeless. What a shame. U know PI, I have a lot of care for you and your family. Having met you in person, makes it even harder to say but your H needs to fall down and go boom. Even my H is not taking too kindly when I tell him what you are going through.

Know that you have a place, even temporary. Right here. ok? Can be kinda crowded but we can do it. I will call later. It is 11am now.

L.

Hello PI -- I'm thinking of you. I am so sorry to learn that your WH is filing papers. My WH is waffling back and forth between wants to try and doesn't really love me/doesn't want to try. Ugh.

Has your WH had any specific discussion with you about the d papers and what he thinks you will do/where you and your children will go? I agree with Orchid that he needs to fall down and go boom.