Saturday morning I was sitting on the front porch watching S and I see the neighbor lady pull up in a moving truck. I figure she was just helping her oldest S move out to college so I called out to her jokingly "So, you finally had enough of H and your packing it in"

Guess my face got a little red when she came over and said that is exactly right. Apparently her and her H (second M for both) decided things weren't working out so they are both moving out and selling the house. WOW!

Well, there is more to this story: Both her and her H are victims of infidelity also. Her H left her to be with OW and 2 weeks after he left, OW threw him out and ended it. She didn't even want to try and work things out and they D'd as soon as possible. Guess the story was about the same for her second H as well. Soon after, they met and the common bond of infidelity they shared is what kept them together. They married without really dealing with the issues of their past and soon realized that they didn't even know each other that well, I think they are complete opposites. Combine this with trying to deal with the issues of having kids from 2 different M's and I guess it just became too much. Also, I remember her telling me a while back that she never stopped loving her first H and still has strong feelings for him. And, from what I have seen, the first H has been coming around quite a bit so maybe they are thinking of getting back together.

I remember reading somewhere that you should give yourself about 1 year for every 5 years of M before getting into another committed relationship. This gives you time to work through all your issues concerning the M and also gives you time to really decide if you want to move on without your spouse. I think this is a good example of that, from what I understand, they both married soon after the D's were finalized. This M didn't last more than 1 ½ years. And, I also remember reading a post here about a man who ended his M after his W's A, got involved with someone else and a year later his XW came back into the picture and he realized that he still had some strong feelings left for her.

Wonder if God is trying to tell me something, I honestly think there is a reason for me to find out about this.

Hi LHS-
What a story. Is this the neighbor woman who gives you compliments about your m efforts? Interesting. I bet she is impressed with your efforts because she knows how important it is and how hard you are trying.
What is going on with you?
I needed that story tonight.
-CS

Hey CS,

Yes, thats the same lady. I like her a lot, real nice person, easy to talk to. I didnt even know about the infidelity until just a few weeks ago. It would have been nice to talk to her more and kinda get some perspective on what she went through. I honestly think that neither one of them resolved the issues of thier previous M's before getting involved again and that is what casued so many problems. That and the 'blended family' issues must really have made things hard for them.

Just to add to this: About 1-1/2 years ago WW and I went to this marriage retreat sponsored by the church at a Jesuit retreat house. I didnt want to go (stubborn me, one of my big Plan A issues) but once I got there, it was wonderful! We had a really good time and seemd to make a bit of a reconnection. Anyway, there were 5 other couples there and during one of our sessions together, the C asked us if we would like to share anything with the others about why we came. One couple told us about how the W had an A and all the pain it was causing them and how they were trying to work through it (this was 8 mos before my DDay) and there was this other couple, an older one, who told us about how they and thier D hardly talked at all beacause of some problems in the past. They told us that they have a grandchild who was 3 at the time and they were only allowed to see it a couple of times, basically have been written off by the D because of whatever happened between them.

And, about 3 months ago I heard that the brother of one of the VP's here at work had been admitte to the hospital for some reason. Turns out he had a bad reaction to some AD's that he was taking becasue his W was also having an A. Well, he died last week, no one said why, but my boss suspects suiceide becasue of the A and the problems it casued.

And... I think I mentioned about my MIL's brother who also committed suicide, well it turns out he also had an A and actually married the woman (thier kids were friends) but didnt tell anyone, not even the kids becasue they didnt want to hurt them. Turns out that one of the resaons he killed himself was becasue of the guilt of the A and the secret marriage they had.

Its just so wierd, finding out all this in the last few weeks. I'm so thankful I have my friends here, my family and God to get me through this. I think a lot about those people, seems there is a reason why I know this stuff.

I hope this isnt too depressing, but it sure hits home the consequences of the choices we can make in our lives. All of us here at MB are survivors and we will make it through this better people.