I'll be moving out a week from Saturday. Moving out of the home my W and I worked so hard to build, moving out of the only home my daughter has ever known. I'm filled with a broad array of emotions: excited, apprehensive, worried, hopeful and sad.

Excited because I'm finally taking the first step towards moving forward with my life after living in limbo since 11/00. Excited because I'm taking control of my own life.

Apprehensive because I realize my W may now proceed full steam ahead with the D without taking some time to be alone to deal with the root causes of her unhappiness.

Worried about the confusion and trauma this may cause my daughter. Worried that my W may find her world crashing down around her and that she may not find the strength and courage to pull herself out from under it. Worried that if my W ever decides to give our marriage a chance, I'll have moved on.

Hopeful that this is a necessary step I must take to remove myself from the equation to allow my W to take a look at the life ahead of her and determine if it's better with or without me in it.

Sad because I'm losing my partner, my best friend and her terrific family. Sad because a once wonderful marriage, with so much promise, may be over, without ever knowing if we could have made it better than ever.

sad dad

I have the same thoughts and feelings you are. Good Luck. I wish you well.

I know how you feel friend.

Excited, Apprehensive, Worried, Hopeful, and Sad ... those are all completely understandable.

Here's a big MB hug for ya

{{{{{{{{{{sad dad}}}}}}}}}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sad dad:
<strong>... Worried that if my W ever decides to give our marriage a chance, I'll have moved on.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{{sad dad}}}}}

Don't let this thought keep you down. You've become a better person/father than you were over a year ago. You've learned some very good things about yourself and what you want out of marriage and life. You've learned what burdens you are capable of carrying and that you can get over the rough spots. I'm not suggesting that you cut all memories or ties but don't let these thoughts of what-if keep you from moving on to live life to its fullest. Make the most out of your time with your daughter. Remember to also help yourself. That doesn't mean you won't be a good man and not care about your wife and friend. You just won't let her control your life or feelings. Best to you.

HoFS

<small>[ July 08, 2002, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: HofFenceSitter ]</small>

sad dad,

I think of all the male posters I have followed your story the most. This is not to lessen what the other men who post are going through. It's just your words remind me so much of my H and how he would word his feelings had I not decided to stay and work on our marriage. When I read what you write I picture my H sitting at the computer typing and seeing the pain on his face and it tears me up inside. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through and by the love in your words your wife will wake up one day and realize what she has lost. I pray it won't be too late.

My H is also a member on MB and please know that he and I will be praying for you and for your family.

RW

scbt & faith1,

Thanks for your support.

hfs,

You are right. I have to live my life for me and leave my W to deal with the consequences of her choices. I am a better man that I was 20 months ago and I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was and I know I'll be able to move on knowing I never gave up on my W or our marriage, even when I had every reason to.

rob's wife,

Thank you for your prayers. I think my W is oblivious to the pain she has caused me and will cause our daughter. I only hope that some time alone will help her appreciate what she stands to lose.

To all,

I'm not giving up on my W, I'm just letting her go to have the life she seems to want. I think it's a necessary step all BS's/WS's must take if recovery has a chance. Some WS's use this time apart to take a deep look into themselves, the true reasons for their unhappiness and the part they played in the deterioration of their marriages and some continue to point the finger at their BS's. Only time will tell which path my W chooses. It's out of my hands at this point.

sad dad

SD,

I know you've probably read it... but look at this and see if you've done everything you need to. I know that you have, and you know that you have.. but it doesn't hurt to check. I think that your moving on and out is a good thing.

I hate that you will be losing what you and your wife built together, home, family, etc. I know all to well what losses come at the peril of affairs.

Building and rebuilding of you and your future may be the most rewarding thing in your life. I know its hard to think of anything positive coming from any of this but we all like to think that something will.

Your a great man, father and husband. Hang in there man.

h2y,

I read your link and it was very compelling. I want to clarify that I am not necessarily moving on with my life. I just want to remove myself from the situation so my W can look at the big picture without me blocking the view.

My W has not been happy for a long time, for reasons she is still unsure of. Might be depression, might be other things or it might just be me. Her EA was just a byproduct of that unhappiness. As long as I am still in the picture, I will continue to be a scapegoat for her unhappiness.

Is my love for my W slipping away? Yes, there is very little left at this point. Enough to build on? I believe so. Thanks!

sad dad

Good Luck and Best Wishes go with you Sad Dad.

This is a really difficult time....and I hope it goes ok.

You will be in my prayers...I hope your wife starts to realize what she has.... Take Care Pat

mnm,

Yes, it will be difficult, but I'll be fine. I've got a real nice place to move into and anything will be better than living like I have been for so long. At least I won't have to put on a happy front anymore. If I'm sad, I can cry. If I'm angry, I can scream. If I'm lonely, I can call someone or go out. I'll have my life back, albeit not the one I wanted. This may just be the step that needs to be taken to change anything. Time will tell. Thanks.

sad dad

HI SD- I know that this will be a big step for you- moving out of your house. Has you W started looking for a place of her own yet? Have you listed the house for sale? I think separation can be a positive step emotionally because then it causes the spouses to own their own 'stuff' and not have the other one to blame constantly. Have you two talked to your D about your moving out yet? That will be SO hard I know! I remember lining up our 3 kids on our couch and telling them H was 'moving out for awhile to think.' They all started crying. It was gut-wrenching. H turned it on me and he and OW convinced themselves that I threw him out! The reality is that I couldnt emotionally stand to keep living with a H who wouldn't end the A once and for all. I wanted to recommend two books to you- One is to read to your D- It is a book about explaining divorce to young children by Vicki Lansky. I can't remember the exact title. For you to read there is Re-Building When your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher. That is a highly recommended book. Take care- lifeismessy

lim,

Thanks for the book recommendations. I'll try to answer your questions. As far as I know, my W hasn't started looking for a place to live. I'm sure she won't until we put the house up for sale, which we haven't done. I'm not going to push that issue. I'm hoping a month or two of living apart may change her perspective or as you said, begin to "own her own stuff" by not having me around to blame for her unhappiness. We are planning to talk to our daughter this week. She's only 4 and I don't how she'll react to us telling her I'm moving out. We may not see a true reaction from her until I'm gone. I'll keep you posted.

sad dad