I am just trying to figure out what to do. My wife moved out so fast that I really couldn't do anything. She told me to give her space, so I pretty much went to plan B. Now she wants a DV and say's she has started a new life and a new relationship. I really don't know what to do. There were some small relationship problems that I was working on before she moved out, but she has told me herself that there was pretty much nothing I could do, it's just something she is going through.

Also she is really pushing for a DV, she says she still loves me, but in a completly different way.

So, should I stick with Plan B, or maybee try to Plan A from a distance?

i say plan a... just my opinion.. honey

Thanks for the reply Honey, I'd like to Plan A, it's just there is no one around to plan A too. I am friendly whenever we talk, but that is rare as well. I guess all I can do is plan A whenever I get the chance.

I'm in plan A while separated. I've seen some signs of it working, but it's really up and down. Plan A is mostly phone calls and the once or twice a week we see eachother. Didn't do it very well in the beginning, but have been really strong with it for 3 months. I certainly feel better, but am not sure it's going to result in my WH coming back home. In some ways it has been easier to avoid lovebusters because he's out of the house and when we do see eachother I can really concentrate on trying to meeting some of his needs and the rest of the time I concentrate on myself and making my life better.

I won't kid you here -- it is hard to do, but possible.

Im seperated and plan-Aing too. Mainly because of the children. Its been 3 months for me and I can tell you - I feel a whole better now than at the beginning. You really just have to let go and enjoy being with yourself. I know its hard, but its true, time really heals.

Yeah, I would like to Plan A, but I only talk on the phone once a week at most, and have only seen here once since seperation. Not, much of a chance to Plan A. Maybe if I send some friendly e-mails, she will start coming around. What do you think?

Well, I broke down and called her after two weeks of not talking. It backfired. I was totally nice to her just told her I hadn't heard from her in a while and wanted to see how things were. She friendly for a while, then started saying some really hurtful things. She told me that she canceled the lease on her apartment. Basically confirmining what I have always thought, that she has been living with OM#2 since the day she meet him. At the most she has only known him for 5 weeks. She told me that she just can't get over some of the things I said (some LBing on D-day). She told me she took OM to her parents and her dad totally yelled at her. Her mom won't talk to me because of some of the things she has told her (her mom thinks she only told my she had an A to test me, that she really didn't). So, I guess her parents are split on this as well.

Can't she see moving into another realtionship this fast is just a bad idea? And why would she be telling me these things anyway? Is she doing it to hurt me, or does she want to see my reaction?

I am really hurting right now. Just when I think I am getting over her, I get all down and depressed again.

<small>[ July 09, 2002, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: StillCan'tBelieveIt ]</small>

I'm in a very similiar situation as yours. My WH is living with the OW. I spoke with Steve H a few weeks ago, he told me to Plan A. Remember Plan A is also about improving yourself. Never go to Plan B until you have done a by the book Plan A. YOu want to leave the WS with the best impression of you. Your spouse sounds like they are still in the fog, it is still very early in the affair. Have you throughly read SAA? Unfortunately, sometimes affairs have to die out.
No, she doesn't realize that she is moving too fast, she is living in the present only and not thinking of the consequences, she will wake up one of these days, it is up to you if you are willing to wait for her.
When my WH first left, he was cruel and wanted a divorce, broke picture frames with our honeymoon pictures in them. I see changes all the time, no he is not here, but I think that the fog is starting to clear.

Anyway, in my opinion, do a plan A, but you may want to schedule an appt with the Harley's to see what they think