Hi Honey. I know you hate my advice but here goes.

Just like Lexxxy said your phone calls are a huge LB to your H. You have to stop them no matter what it takes.

You said it all builds up inside of you when you have no one to talk with. Don't you have any friends who will listen? Or even your sister and/or parents? Maybe when you start seeing your counselor again you'll be able to vent to him/her and it will alleviate some of your aggression.

The main thing now is to Plan A which means improving YOU. Forget about the alcoholic, emotionally abusive, distant man who has taken over your H's body and mind. He can't be rationalized with so stop trying. Work on YOU and when you are happy with yourself and feeling whole again then you can decide IF this marriage to this man is really what you and your son's deserve.

NO, did not mention to h's friend his immoral contribution to the demise of my marriage and current seperation.... yea! thanks for listneing to my vent... yes, I was brutally honest and I did attempt to call the JERK>. but no I did not talk to him... VENT VENT.... Me and my kids.. kids in childcare went to alanon tonight... I called h after I got the jaurez mex. message.. H lies to me... says he is in dallas this weekend.. I find out instead he is in jaurez... via his vm... earlier today I called as he was suppossed to be home at 740 pm... for kidd to come over.. never heard anymore about that... not that I am interested.. his 6pm vm gave away his whereabouts in jaurez.. streets and all...

I just talked to him, called 2 nd time today as kids were SUPPOSSED to come over... guess h was delayed ab it by the trip to Juarez... and NOW... H claims he went down there with a friend who owns a hotel and guess what cant talk... gotta go take a shower... not going to listen to your craziness - if you call back I will call the police... OK, I was very calm and this is the crap I get... GOODBYE>.. dont worry, I am not calling back!

Thanks for all the support today... building me and the boys stronger without the Ahole right now....

thanks, HONEY

Honey,
Try to calm down.....

You need to step back and look at what he is putting you through, I know that you love him and that you want your marriage to work. I agree you should try to make your marriage work, however, i do not think you should lose yourself in the process. I also think that your wonderful little boys are learning a bad example of what a husband should be. Maybe it its time to step back, and try to make yourself as happy as possible and take care of your boys. You have all of us here to talk to. You are not alone in this. But, please do not lower yourself to his level. You are a wonderful caring person, and you deserve a man who will love you and be faithful to you. He is not that man right now, he might be again someday, but not right now. So, take care of yourself and your boys and let time and god works its magic,

Hugs and I am here if you need me anytime day or night
Terry

Honey,

Maybe its time we did that lunch...Instead of eating at some nice joint.. we could all do a BBQ where we could all scream. If you ever need to chit chat, don't hesitate to contact me or SC. I'm sorry your having to put up with all of these lies. Take a deep breath. Gotta run.

Honey,

Try not to call your H unless it is an emergency with the boys. Don't call to see if he is taking them, unless you hear from assume he is not. Don't count on him for anything. You can be a strong woman. Let all this go. Don't wonder what he is doing, or where he or who he is with. Let it go. Only by letting him go & you growing will he ever come back.

You know he hates your calls. SO don't call him. Take the boys for a walk or something.

Calling your H, at this point in time is the worst thing you can do.

I know that this is not how you wanted your life to be, none of us did but sometimes as hard as it is you have to play the hand you are dealt.

I know how hard it is to be home alone with 2 boys. The STBX traveled the whole course of our children's life. It is not easy. I hate to tell you but it will not get any easier. I rather parent toddlers alone than teenagers however that is whole other can of worms.

Your life has not ended. You are young, pretty and smart, use it.

Honey, so glad you did your venting here!! I know what it is like to have friends and even my WH"s family going along with this sick lifestyle.

I have had experienced this many times, and it makes me so, so angry!!

However, the worse thing to do is to call them on it, as much as you want to. Take the higher road and be a bigger person like you are than all of them. If you let your anger out on the friend, it won't hurt him, but it will make you look bitter. Than he'll go off telling your husband what a b***h you were, blah, blah, blah!!

It's so hard to suck it in, been there, done that many times, but please don't take it personal against you. I don't think that that his friend intentionally wants to break up your marriage, he just wants to hang with his buddy. Men are like that, that whole Mars thing I guess.

You are a bigger person, remember that. You are loving wife with no LB's!! (hey, at least we try!!)

Thanks friends.. went to bed early with ys... he is 3 and I usually have to go to sleep with him...up with os who is up with sickness.. yuck... wont go any farther! But we are here taking care of each other... we all love each other... ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously at this point with the Jaurez Mex. trip for 4th of July... how patriotic! I dont know if it was his little mex. number or if it was really a friend who owns a hotel down there... ????? he can really cook the stories up... but also he is such a liar he makes nutty friends... he is obviuosly lying about his income that he made lately so that he could vactaion for 6 days... all I do it work! vent!

Well, I am really sick over the lying... and the meanness.. it is becoming clearer who the sick one really is...

I sd nothing at all mean or out of the ord. to him today..he just yelled at me for even asking about his Jaurez message... in fact wanted to know how I knew.. and sd he did not tell me , told me the dallas story because he sdid not want to deal with my crap over it and that he knew I would think it was the maid, and soemthing to do with her.. well it does seem quite obvious..

I am starting to think a private eye would be good in order to get full custody.. ????

with his drinking and also some ill. drug activities... I am really starting to think maybe it was a drug run? I just dont know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> it is huts... ! I am going to start attending extra alanon as he has flipped even more now..> @ Dont know why this mex. trip flips me out, it just does.... but more in a way that says STAY AWAY THIS IS DANGEROUS>>> !

It is like the ws is just nuts in so many cases.. low self esteem and acting like they are on a mission to ruin themselves..

bad seeds? who knows.. bad childhoods.. yes, in my case.

I am sorry I am so blunt just need to get it out... my alanon group was so supportive tonight, it was wonderful...I have not been to cosa in a while and plan to go to a tues meeting tomorrow... as I drive to work... a lot of days I dont drive..

H2U.. I am with you on the screaming.. how bout an ozzy concert! I am so mad! but all we can do is let go and let God and let them fall.. my life is not going to be in the gutter...

thanks for being here and listening to this utter nonsense... that I am going through.

Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Honey...I've been following your story and something I don't understand. If you husband doesn't have a steady job, how are you able to afford the country club and a maid?

Honey ---
I think you're best Plan A is actually Plan B.

In order to avoid LB's, and the "craziness" your H sees in you -- I almost think you should go "no contact" Don't you have enough on your plate without stressing over his activities?

Show him that you're stronger than that. Show him that he's in danger of losing all of you (the boys too). By the way -- do you think your H would fight you for custody? He doesn't seem all that interested in being a daddy right now.

I know that you have a one year time frame in mind Honey. That leaves you 3 short months to do a perfect Plan A -- and 3 months for him to turn his life around. IMO, I don't see either one as a possibility. You're too emotional to deal with him calmly and without LB'ers. And I see absolutely no indication that he's going to deal with his demons.

Honey,

What I have found is that it is times like this that you will find out who are your friends and who are not.

This man is not your fiend. He is your H's 'friend'. I put that in quotes because a true friend would encourage your H to do the right thing instead.

Confronting him may or may not make you feel better. But it will do nothing to change this guy's behavior. He obviously cares little for you or the children. I'd venture to say that he cares only about having a good time and having someone to have it with.

Just take the lesson that he is not your friend and move on.

Now if he tries to act like a friend I could see telling him that since he was involved in your H's affair on some level you do not consider him a friend so cut the crap. or "I've had a problem since I found out that you partied with H and OW. You hurt my marriage and my children by encouraging my H to have an affair. So please leave me be." Keep it short.

There is a saying... "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer".

So be careful about totally alienating this guy. He could do more harm as a person who is angry with you then as someone who simply does not give a hang.

Honey - you have to stop calling him - I know that it is the hardest thing to do and I still do it myself but my god how much should you go through... He doesn't deserve you chasing him - What happens if you don't call him?? Won't he wonder what is up and call you??? You are putting yourself through hell - Actually when my husband moved out at first - when he was gone and I didn't speak to him I was actually relieved that all of the tension was gone.. You have to stop doing this to yourself - You have to start caring about you and your boys - Don't worry about him - let him go - see if he comes back - In my case my husband is not coming back - but right now we are getting along really good and the kids are 100% because of it...

Honey, I was out yesterday and have not been to MB since Wednesday. It looks like I have missed a LOT.

It must be nice (for your H) to have no responsibility, no child support and a trip to Mexico. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Amazing! you are strongest when you are angry. GET ANGRY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am just beside myself, speachless, my jaw is on the floor. But then again, it IS typical WS behavoir!

Hang in there. Keep venting and posting here. Put a note on your phone that says "do not call H". Do whatever it takes to take care of you!

A "don't call H" fasten it with duct tape over the phone. Recently taped duct tape usually peels fairly easily, so you can answer the phone if it rings, but if you have that impulse to call him perhaps the few seconds it takes to peel will give you "what am I doing" pause.

Honey, you aren't wrong for being angry. But impulsively talking to him NEVER seems to help you.

If you want to talk to him, set up an appointment, early in the day, so he's still sober.

thanks for the vent space here on the boards..and the support.. NO, I am not calling him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am sick over what he has done...!

Anyway... I just had that urge to talk to the friend.. it is OVER.

One question asked about the maid... she works very very cheap... 10 dollars a day.... and the cclub... well we have a good deal based on my h's past job and so far he has pd the bill... this is one of the few things h still pays... see he likes to have a good time! My h recently took all his buddies for a round of golf at the expensive golf club.. the friends all chiped in and h got the monthly club bill paid and his beer tab at the club... agghh! at least I can still work out somewhere nice!

I know it is crazy.. my h is playing the bad rich kid... his daddy had money and he was major spoiled... evidently he still thinks life is the same as it was 20 yrs ago when he was 15! aghhh! anyway this is just all yuck... ! I have had trouble with my home phone... so I am home right now waiting on it to be fixed .. phone man has to come inside... so I am trying to pick up the house some!

Anyway... MY major irritation is that I pay for everything and h contributes very very little to us... and I think he should be here working hard right along beside me and for his family - I wanted to be a mom at home...

I do have my Mary Kay goals and I know I can have the home career i want in time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It is just hard getting there... I am soooo angry that h dumps all responsibility on me..

thanks for all the help.. yes, I am taking the high rd.... My h has truly flipped..

Yesterday , before I found out about the jaurez trip... I mailed him an I desire letter... asking him to work with me on recovery and the marriage and explaining how it takes 2... I felt like the letter would make a better point... as there is no chance for his interruptions or lb's when he reads the letter... I knnow he will pay atten. to my letter... as our letters actually melded us togethewr in the beginning of our long distance relationship...

He just screams and lb's whenever we are on the phone.. and it is constantly me saying... OH, will you please try to wokr on the marriage? and hi saying... NO< you are unstable, emotional, etc!

anyway... it is getting old.. his taperecorder is not on key.

Thanks for all the support... HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />