I am going to try and stay strong, but the allure of the frienship is like this voice in my head that calls out to have fun, romance and something special.
My wife was interested in talking about EN. She is a good woman. Up until I met this friend of mine, I would say I was very content. ANd now I feel like I am having to let go of a special friend.

I am at the point where I hear certain songs and it makes me sad and miss her! I sound like a kid in high school

Actually, infatuations do make you feel like high school kids. They start out very strong, all of that chemistry stuff, then die out when reality sinks in. STay strong, work on your marriage and stay away from your 'friend.' Remember, true friends do not jeopardize each others marriage. Good luck

How's it going Tempted? How bout a update, and I'm still interested in some feedback on my questions above?

bump

bump bump

Well, I know my friend is going to page me tonight. If I don't answer her call, she will wonder is going on. If I call her, I will try and keep it all business.
I am feeling a bit better -- it has been two weeks since we talked.

It won't stay that way. Just as soon as you hear her voice it WON'T remain all business and your withdrawl will be back to square one.

I'm sorry...but it's the truth. I've been there done that.

The ONLY thing you can do to get over this and heal correctly would be to let this woman know you can no longer continue these conversations. In otherwords, you need to let her know you are initiating no contact. Without it, you are on your way once more to fantasyland...and a WHOLE lot worse pain.

Two questions:
1. If she sees it as just a friendship, then where is the danger? It is up to me to realize the boundaries she has set
2. Wont she wonder why I am having no contct?.

I'm sorry tempted but you're still not listening to one thing everyone is telling you.

You are in an emotional affair with this woman. This is wrong. This is a horrible injustice you are doing to your marriage AND to this woman! She's vulnerable and dealing with problems of her own...the LAST thing she needs is you compounding and confusing that. NO MATTER WHAT boundries you SAY you'll put...you've ALREADY CROSSED THEM!!!!!

You TELL HER you've crossed the line already and that you don't feel right having such a close relationship with a person of the opposite sex who IS NOT YOUR WIFE. Then she won't have to WONDER...it'll be spelled out pretty clearly.

This is not rocket science dude.

If this friendship is really so platonic...how about bringing wifey in on it and getting her viewpoint on it? Why keep it a secret?

I agree with you that I was having an emotional affair with her, but it takes two to complete that affair and it is clear my friend was not into that. It was all me.
My wife knows I know this woman. She knows the woman has paged me, and I have talked to her from my home -- not the love stuff.
But now the relationship seems more just like friends. I am not head over heels, and she never was. It seems the embers cooled, or I came out of the fog.
If I dont feel those feelings any longer and she never did where is the danger.
Please, I am not looking to argue. I am asking honest question. She will likely page within the next hour or so

I'm not arguing with you tempted...it's just PLAIN TO SEE that you are FAR from out of the fog. You may be over the initial withdrawl symptoms but THEY WILL RETURN just as soon as you start this up again. You were looking to justify this situation when you first came on board here, and you're looking to justify resuming it. You won't find me agreeing with your view on that at any time...because it's wrong.

If you want to see exactly HOW DEVESTATING a situation like yours is, check out 2longs posts. His wife insists that her relationship with this man should be ok since they are only friends...and he's ready to flush the whole marriage due to her idea of what boundries are ok. I say again...knowing how deeply you have felt for this woman...would this relationship be ok with your wife? I'm sure it would not...which makes it inappropriate and wrong.

tempted,
I hope you won't talk to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Please let us know how it's going. I'm also still interested in my questions. Is there a reason why you haven't addressed them?

Faith1

<small>[ July 16, 2002, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

What you SHOULD do is turn your pager off! As a WS myself, I have been there. Withdrawal is hell.

BUT, you have made it this far, don't fall back now.

OK Tempted,
Everyone else has spelled this out and you are not listening! You have admitted that you were involved in an EA. Turn off the pager and go back and read all of the advice on both of your threads again. These people have taken the time to try to help you because they have BEEN THERE and they know the pain that continuing the EA will cause.

Remember that you have said that you were satisfied with your W until the OW came along. Others have asked you what emotional needs you and your W have and I have not seen you address those questions.

Until you decide to begin no contact with the OW and focus on rebuilding the relationship with your W you will be at risk of resuming this affair.

You say that the OW is only interested in friendship? If that is so, then why would you be willing to risk your marriage for a "friend"? She can find someone else to talk to.

You know the truth about your feelings and are resisting the decision that you must make. You can't have both, now turn off that pager and decide if you want to be married or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tempted:
<strong>I agree with you that I was having an emotional affair with her, but it takes two to complete that affair and it is clear my friend was not into that. It was all me.
My wife knows I know this woman. She knows the woman has paged me, and I have talked to her from my home -- not the love stuff.
But now the relationship seems more just like friends. I am not head over heels, and she never was. It seems the embers cooled, or I came out of the fog.
If I dont feel those feelings any longer and she never did where is the danger.
Please, I am not looking to argue. I am asking honest question. She will likely page within the next hour or so</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is just more self delusion. We have told you the truth and you didn't listen, why would it be any different now? You know this is wrong.

tempted,

first of all, i want to say i'm sorry for your pain, i know it can be unbearable (believe me, I know) but i'm even more sorry for what you don't realize right now and what I and everyone else wishes they could make you see..

You see, i married the other man..It started as innocent as your little "friendship" now only it isn't just a friendship, it is an affair and the devil is a liar, and he has blinded your eyes.

I wish I would have known about Marriage Builders at the time my affair was running its course, i probably wouldn't have been such a coward to end it and could hvae spared my very good husband the pain and my neverending pain and guilt..

Read Provers chapter 5 and 6... for the lips of an immoral women drip honey and her mouth is smoother than oil but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two edged sword, her feet go down to death and lest you ponder her path oflife, her ways are unstable..you do not know them..

....Do not lust after her beauty in your heart..a man is reduced to a crust of bread and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life..can you walk thru the fire and not get burned..her house is the way to hell descending to the chambers of death..

..drink from your own cistern..let your own fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth let her breast satisfy you at all times and always be enraptures with her love..

tempted, i feel your pain and i'm reminded of how i used to be and how i longed for the OM.. it was so bad i checked myself into a rehab becuz he refused to see me... it's not worth it.. No person is worth going to hell for..

my prayers are with you

Tempted-why are you really here? I for one don't want to hear that you are waiting for her to page you. Why make it two weeks and blow it?

I work with elementary students, and your lack of reality reminds me of them. NOTHING good will come of this. Friends do NOT put each others marriage at stake for their own selfishness.

Good luck

I'm curious about something, if your wife had a "friendship" with another man and her feelings for the other man were the same as your feelings for your "friend" would you then realize and admit to yourself that your relationship with this OW IS NOT A FRIENDSHIP???? Reverse the situation and put yourself in your wife's shoes. Maybe then you'll see this so called friendship for what it really is. It's an affair. Don't blow smoke that the OW's feelings are not the same as your and therefore it's not an affair. You have feelings on some level for this other woman. You need to stop all contact with the OW before it goes a step further. You want help, it's time you help yourself. Start by being completely honest with yourself. Stop lieing to yourself in order to get what you want.

It takes 7 days to pick up a good habit and 28 days to break an old habit. You want to know when your hurting will stop. You haven't given it a chance until you've had at least 28 days of NO CONTACT with the OW.

Your doing wrong within your marriage. There is no if's and's or butt's about it. Your cheating. Get your head out of dreamland and see reality for what it actually is. Stop pretending it's a friendship. Stop pretending period. That is simply an excuse for you to continue.

Have you tried prayer? You want help but you don't listen to anyone here. You obviously haven't found any real help. Try going to the Master in prayer. Then openly honestly confess your affair to your wife and the two of you seek help. With God's help you and your wife will find the problems and rebuild your marriage.

I can't say I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. I've read all the post. I see where people on top of people have tried to help you and you simply turn from it. You want help, Wake up and smell the coffee...Wake up and see reality.

For all the patient people here that are trying to help you, thank God there here. I would love to help you also but until you see this for it actually is, I don't believe there is any help for you.

With God all things are possible. Matt 19:26
There is proof there is help. Seek with open eyes and an open heart and you will find it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Is it 100% necessary for OW to contact YOU????? Is this something she MUST do because it is her job and she is stuck continuing contact or she will lose her job?

PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION!!! The answer to this question is extremely important, I will tell you why later if you will show me enough RESPECT to answer it, as we are all showing you enough respect to share our insights.

As you can see by my name I have been lurking here for a while off and on. I cannot
help but see a similarity between tempted and a person who posted not too long ago
(maybe three or four months ago) under the name of married man seeking advice.
The writing styles are very similar and he also brought up the same arguments to
continue in his "Friendship" with this other woman. The people who are responding
to him genuinely want to help as did others on this board at that time (I believe
Conquerer was one of them). He also would not take their advice and also kept
asking what harm would come to him or his marriage, etc. Please all you wonderful
and helpful people do a search under married man seeking advice.