on the JFO forum... Biscayne ... and others...

Also, LHS and I have been mainly replying to can't sleep ... I think she could benefit from some others ideas... variety as NSR posted to Biscayne... ya know??

Thanks all,
Cali

<small>[ July 08, 2002, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: Cali ]</small>

Biscayne... Done

Thanks for the continued support Jim, and also thanks to Cali, and H2you,

I posted on the PlanA/PlanB forum tonight also.

Still can't agree with forcing the move back home. Maybe ease into it sometime in the future as I see how things go. I just know that at this point that if I push her to that point that it will meet with disastarous results. Have to Plan A as much as I can from here for now and pray for the best to happen. Again, maybe I'm still in denial, but I tend to think that this is still in the EA stage. I think that if I forced moving back in that it would just push her more into his arms.

I've been wondering about responding to her "sorry" letter that I posted on the JFO forum. I haven't yet. She had invited me over to help put some things back together over at our house yesterday and I called her after church and told her that I needed to take a day off to recuperate. I ended up going by in the late afternoon and cutting the grass. Unfortunately didn't leave on the best of terms. I was going to put a second coat of paint on the boys bedroom and bathroom doors that had been taken down the day before, would've taken about 15 mins and she came out and told me "no" that it was too late. Irritated me. I put everything back where it was in a hurry and got out of there, after hugging and kissing the boys goodnight.

I called this evening to tell our boys good night, haven't done that since seperation, and she got back on the phone afterward and asked if I was alright. I probably over analyze everything too much.

My counselor is out of town for the next two wks, so I will be here every time I walk by the computer. I got a book in the mail today to help me with my self esteem issues. I'll start on that until "Surviving an Affair" arrives. I need to concentrate on working on me instead of obsessing over how to make things work with us every waking and sleeping moment.

I did pose the question as wether or not to file bankruptcy to help relieve one of the black clouds that has hung over our relationship for several yrs now. Until my income increases substantialy it will continue to be that black cloud. I had always looked at bankruptcy as a last resort, but the temptation to go ahead with that to at least resolve that issue is so tempting. I think that I will put that off for at least another month. See where finances are at that time. Maybe thinking with a somewhat clearer mind at that time also. Any advice from anyone who has taken that path, I'd greatly appreciate your input.

Thank you and God Bless.

Thanks for coming over to GQII.

Biscayne:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I need to concentrate on working on me instead of obsessing over how to make things work with us every waking and sleeping moment. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES! but it is difficult, I know... I spent ALL, and I do mean ALL last summer on this forum... posted endlessly...

However, as I looked deeper at myself and began to change the things I needed changing... FOR ME... not to save marriage... then I started seeing changes in my relationship w/ H.

I also started on a more intimate relationship w/ God... one that I was always seeking, but never found... I also started as a Methodist. My H was in a Congregational Church... United Church of Christ... but I never 'felt' much of a connection... always felt something was missing...

H and I started going to a Southern Baptist Church... mostly because the pastor there was my daddy's pastor... and found what I was looking for in a church...

Good luck to you... some books that helped me along the way were Wilkinson's "Secrets of the Vine" and Missler's "The Way of Agape." Both can be found in a Christian bookstore... And, you can probably even find "Secrets..." in Wal-Mart.

Cali

^^bump^^

Cali-

I'm guilty of ignoring those that are most in need. I know that if it wasn't for the JFO forum, I wouldn't have made it to this point. I reply to CS a lot because for some reason, her situation really hits me, maybe it's the closeness in age, or the amount of time of the M, or the # of kids, or the way our WS are acting, not sure. I know I can really relate to how she is feeling, seems like it is an almost exact replay of what I was going through

I am going to make an honest effort to head back over to the JFO forum and do what I can to help. I know I cant help all of them, but I am sure there are a few who might benefit from my experiences. Guess I am becoming an old-timer in more ways than one!