As many of you may remember, last week I posted about my husband having a Kidney Stone removed and the issues we were going through.

Ok, so Wed. evening we ended up in an argument. Some yelling, LBing, but I think that's needed sometimes. In the end he explained that he felt I was with someone while he was in the hospital. We talked about it and everything ended up fine. It was triggers and the fact that our 1 yr. is fast approaching. However, I am very happy to say that we got through that fine and our weekend was wonderful.

So, now DH has to go out of town (leaves 7/23 and comes home 7/26). He has to go to Texas for a computer program class for work. I HATE IT!!! 1) I am nervous about the issues he may have. I am terrified he will think bad things while he is gone, and it's not even my choice for him to go. I so don't want him to think I'm out with someone (not that I'll be going anywhere) or that I plan to have someone over. 2) I hate the fact of being home alone for 3 nights. Actually, I should say I hate being without him! I dread not having him in bed with me; not being able to wake up to him; not being able to lay in his arms. I am going to miss him so much.

We've talked about this (and I've cried too). He's been real good about it. He has said that this is something we'll have to get through together. Also, I have to have a colopiscopy (spelling ?) - it's a follow-up to an irregular pap test - on 7/26. I'm rather nervous about it. It's nothing major, but still.

Oh, I am so scared about this trip. I guess if we make it through this with flying colors that we can truly be considered a success story. I am very frightened though. We have worked so hard, and I so dread the possible triggers. Maybe he won't have any, but in the mean time I'm driving myself crazy thinking of what he may/possibly think while he is gone. Plus, when I do this I make things worse and I think I come across guilty. Not guilty, but I am trying so hard to make sure he gets through it ok that I think I appear guilty for no reason.

Ok, enough of my babbling. Any insights, thoughts, encouragement, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much, you guys/gals are wonderful.

Hi Tutter,

Have you and your H sat down and talked about some things that each of you can do to help reassure each other while you are apart?

I had many of the same feelings that you've described prior to deploying to Kosovo last September... my W and I sat down and we each listed things that we could do for each other while we were apart. You can make your list as detailed as you want, but try to think of things that will reassure your H... call him and let him know if you're going to be out and away from home... e-mail him... keep a journal and share it with him when he gets home.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope this helps...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thanks RIF, I think I will mention this to him. We talked about being available by phone (he'll have his cel so I can reach him whenever), but he never really said much about what I can do for him. I think I'll just ask him straight out what I can do to help make those days go smoothly.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. It really does help. Every little bit helps.

Semper Fi
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi Tutter,

I think that just the fact that you recognize that he may be worried or anxious about this trip and that you are willing to ask him what you can do to help him will do more than you can imagine!!!

For me, when a trigger occurs, the main thing that I want/need from my wife is her recognition that I'm hurting and the assurance that she loves me and is committed to our M. Realizing that the 3 day separation is most probably a trigger for your H and then asking him how you can help him deal with it will surely SHOW him that you are committed...

Best of luck on your Biggest Test...and with your up-coming medical proceedure (sorry... I can't spell it either!)

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thank you tons RIF.

I'm sure the medical procedure will go fine, but it's just the fact that anything like that you are nervous for. DH and I agreed that he would be available at any given point the night before if I needed to talk, vent, cry, etc.

I sure hope you are right and that he can see my devotion by the simple "how can I help". Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. It helps to know that I just may be on the right track here. I so hope that I can truly help make this trip a success from all angles.

Thanks again for responding here. You're a gem.

Semper Fi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Tutter,
I know how you feel. My H had to go on a business trip shortly after d-day. It was agonizing for me and I missed him terribly.

Anyhow, one thing that helped me is I would send him instant messages on his phone from my computer. It made me feel real close to him and it made him feel good too. And it would not interrupt him if he was busy. It was our little private way of communicating.

It was a hard thing to go through, but getting back together was well worth the time away from each other!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm glad to hear that you had a good weekend and that you guys worked through things. H and I spent 3 wonderful days in Rapid City, SD visiting Mt. Rushmore and just being tourists. It was great!

Take care! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
1step

Thanks for taking the time here 1Step. DH isn't really into the messages thing, but I think I'll plan to talk to him at night when our DS goes to bed. He's not much of a phone person either, but we did used to talk a lot when he was in SC in the Marines and I was home in OH. So, maybe we'll get some good talks out and make the most of the distance quality time we have in the evenings. Thank you for your thoughts, I truly appreciate them.

Take care.

How about sneaking a really mushy card into his bag? Write how proud you are of him, how you can't wait 'til he comes home, etc. Reassurance is a big deal to him right now. And when you send him off, do it with strength and confidence so he can see that you are under control and can take care of things when he's gone.

When he gets back, meet him at the airport if it's feasible. Guys won't admit it, but they (we) like that kind of thing. When you get home....well, you know what to do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Stay strong. You'll do great. This trip will go a long way toward restoring trust, and will help your husband move forward.

Tutter is going with him out of the question. I think if you asked to go with him and let him know that you would like to go to spend time with him that would mean a lot. Even if you can't go it would let him know you are thinking of him and no one else.

If that is not possible then I like the mushy card approach and the nitely phone calls. How about a card for each day. Label them Monday, tuesday, etc. and tell him he has to open one each morning. I did that for my wife one time and she really liked it.

I guess anything that would make him feel like you were being honest and faithful while he is gone would do wonders. Just make him feel as special and as loved as possible. Anything to erase or at least calm the doubt.

Love in Christ

Cajunky

<small>[ July 09, 2002, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

<small>[ July 09, 2002, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Hi Tutter,

Great idea about putting the card in his luggage... You could even put little post-it 'love notes' in his underwear <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Phone calls are great... just don't do what I did a few times when I was deployed and spend your phone time talking about the A.... use this phone time to reaffirm your love and commitment to him.

Take care,
RIF90

Thank you Shattered and Cajunky. I like the card idea, and taking a step futher like Cajunky suggested - one for each day. I'll have to do that.

Going with him, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> oh how I wish I could. I would love to take the trip with him; to spend the time with him; to see Texas; to spend the evenings doing some little things together, but I can't. One, I don't think I can get off work, and two I have the medical thing on the 26th in the AM, and he's not due back till PM.

In any event, thank you so much, all of you, for your support. You are always there when I need a lift. This place is a wonderful place for support. Thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi,
This topic made me cry. It was almost a year ago that my H had an A while out of town for two months. He was across the country, 2,600 miles away, staying at the Ronald McDonald House while our 4 year old son was attending a clinic at the Children's Hospital. I thought he was solid as a rock, so it really devastated me when I found out he wasn't.
Anyway, we are working on recovery now. And guess what? My son needed to return to the clinic again this year! Boy, talk about me being a very, very nervous person - frightened that something would happen again.
But, things are very different for us today. My H makes contact with me several times a day. He starts with a short email every morning to me, a very romantic one. Then he calls me several times a day. It doesn't matter if he has to leave a voice mail! It just eases my mind to know he was thinking of me, and called - and don't think I don't pay attention to the time he called! And we usually conclude the day with a good night phone call just before he goes to bed (there is a 3 hour time difference there).
So, if your husband needs reassurance, maybe if you made an effort to contact him several times a day, even if you have to just leave a message - it would ease his mind. It sure does mine!
By the way, I am flying out tomorrow to go meet my H and my S and drive back across country with them. I cannot wait! My last email today said "Just one more night that I have to be without you.....I think I can make it, but just barely! Love, H". Now....isn't that romantic?
Good job girlfriend! You are doing great.
Terri

Tutter-

I know how the traveling thing is. Shortly after d-day my H had to take a few business trips, it was very stressful. On one of his trips before d-day, he sent an email to the OW.

So, now when he travels he takes along a web cam. When he is in his hotel, we chat via web cam. This way we can see each other and talk at the same time.

I love the card idea, especially for those that do not travel with a laptop.

Take care,
Cub

Terri and Cub, thanks for the encouragement. Terri, I hope your son is doing well. Yes, that last e-mail was awsome and I'm sure made you feel wonderful. That put a smile on my face. I'm sure you are so excited to see him. The fact that his trip is so close to home (with the A) and you guys are doing so well through it, says that DH and I should be fine.

Cub, unfortunately web cams are not feasible at the moment, but that's a real cute idea. I will miss seeing him and I'll miss being in his arms. However, all these ideas are really getting the wheels turning, and I'm putting together a mental list of things I can do (cards, love notes on undies, etc.)

Thank you all for your support. It is so totally appreciated.