I just feel so bad. He asked me if I thought that I could make him love me. It just hurt my feelings that he could be so heartless. Yes he is here, and not with her. How much of him is here? Does it get better, will it? Has anyone ever gone threw a ws with this attitude! I feel like I am alone, and I am interfearing with their love, like I am the middle man(woman).

I am not alone here am I? Anyone out there have such harsh words from ws? My heart aches.

Dear Meara:

Yes, as betrayed spouses, we've all had to stomach hurtful comments.

I've heard the "I'm staying for the kids" comment from my H. As well as, "I miss OW" and, "poor OW is hurting all because of me," and "OW doesn't deserve all this pain", etc. etc. etc. <ugh!, puke, hurl!>.

It does get better-- with time and patience.

Remember to set up "date nights" and stick to the plan of having FUN together. At first, it will seem strained (as if you are strangers), but eventually you will learn how to enjoy each other's company. And, before you know it, you will begin to look forward to spending time together.

It is possible to recover. It is possible to fall back in-love. It is possible to forgive. It is possible to restore your marriage to a happy, fun, and loving union. BUT, IT TAKES TIME, FAITH, PATIENCE, and HOPE.

Best of luck to you! H and I are 2.5 years post d-day and going STRONG. We have a very safe, loving, and supportive union. IT CAN HAPPEN.

Peace, ~Marie

<small>[ September 23, 2002, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I've heard the "I'm staying for the kids" comment from my H. As well as, "I miss OW" and, "poor OW is hurting all because of me," and "OW doesn't deserve all this pain", etc. etc. etc. <ugh!, puke, hurl!>.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I couldn't have said it better myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Especially the feeling sorry for the OW bit(ughh). The best thing you can do is ignore the nasty comments and plan A, make yourself a better person than the OW, but don't do it for him, do it for yourself.

I loved the ugg, hurl, puke part!! I feel that way. It is just discusting! He has also said she is young and doen't deserve this. He said he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He also said that it isn't just sex he gets from her, she is nice to him.(if she lived with him 18 years, with 4 kids, and a 100lb dog and 2 fish) She might not be all that nice all the time. I think there time isn't real. I think there time is rushed and "we have to make the best of this darling"

Not like with real spouses " um could someone take out the garbage," "Oh man does the dog stink" It just makes you feel like you have to obey their every comand, pick up everything for them, and expect nothing! It is so hard. Like they are delacate flowers, having a hard time deciding what they want (sorry I have some anger, don't worry I don't show it)

We do talk nice, and go out together, and have fun together. We laugh, and make love, one day he tickled me. He looked a bit sad and said, I forgot you are ticklish.

We went to a 3 hour movie, and it was so fun, just the two of us. I try to listen to him, and warn him of her despratness(sp) to come. How she can't be trusted.

It is just so hard. I did tell him last night when he was playing his guitar, outside and told me to stay with him. I told him "all the things you say are stored in my heart. What you said about only being here for the kids was very mean."

I just get so sick when I think of him with anyone elese but me. I haven't! I used to think he had beautiful lips. Now I just see her lips on them. I guess if it were over and we were back talking with this ver wise priest we used to go to, I would feel better. The last he seen her was Friday for sure, and I think Sunday. He went for a 3 hour bike ride! yeh right!

I just don't know how to plan A, while he keeps messing up. YOu know how many times they have tried to stop seeing each other? ugggg!!

Thank you guys for sharing with me. I just don't know what to do. Do I not listen to his talk and plan A. What if he is still seeing her, then do I plan B? Oh the options...

Meara,

Don't get discouraged, my H was the same way, he felt sorry for her, she was so nice to him. And I felt the same way you do, I know there is no way she could handle the wife role. As far as the Plan A thing goes. Plan A is all about you making things better for yourself making you a better person. Good Luck.

DU

Yes I am plan Aing then. I got a job that I love, and am buying more cloths, loosing weight, walking to work, and praying rosary on the way. I am getting my hair cut tomorrow. I know this might sound strange , but I don't drive. So I am starting a driving class the end of July!

I am basicly doing everying for myself, things to make me happy. Because every good thing I have read or heard sais to take care of you. Then if it doesn't work out, you feel wonderful about you, and it isn't so hard, because it is like you have made freinds with yourself.(not that all of it doesn't stink big time!)

Well I just found out today I have phnomonia(sp) and I got the stitches last week. I just feel pretty crumby all the way around. I can't eat now, I feel sick all the time. Mabey it is from the medicine or something, I don't know. My nerves are shot.

My husband keeps trying to tell me she is gone, it is over. I just can't believe him somehow. He keeps saying how can it continue? You think she would hold out forever? Yes, and yes are my answers. I don't want to play some knieve fool, and be so happy just yet.

I don't know how to act is the problem. I don't know what would make me believe him. He has been late 3 days this week from work. He was missing 3 hours on sunday. I just can't stop my detective mind......