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spacecase and 2long…
i was a ws… i had an ea that started in april of 2001 which escalated into a one time pa in december 2001… it was with my husband’s 23 year old nephew none the less… worst mistake of my life…
anyway… the reason i started this thread was to offer my appreciation for you two sharing your thoughts and feelings with those of us here on this forum… you have helped me understand what my husband should be going through… i say should be because my husband says that he’s forgiven me and that when i stray in the future to just let him know in advance… he says we should now move on…
now i realize that this is probably hurt talking but it is what he says… sorry, once again i’ve gotten off track… i want you both to know that for your wives sake i hope that you are both able to hold on… i know that when the fog clears and your wives wake up (if you decide to divorce them) i’m sure that they will be the two most unhappy women walking this planet…
second thought: please feel free to disregard this because i’m probably crazy, but have either of you considered printing and presenting to your wives all of your posts and replies from this forum… what an eye opener that would be for them…
once again… you two have helped me immensely… for your wives sake i hope both of you can hang in there…
i’ll go back to lurking now… just know that i feel you…
oaktown…
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Well thank you, Oaktown. I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say that it is very encouraging to hear a WS point us out as guys who appear to be doing the right thing, or at least have our hearts in the right place. I hope that someday my W might feel the same as you do, and I'm sorry that your H has not given you the opportunity to rebuild your marriage; you seem like you've "seen the light", and probably deserve better. Maybe one day I may print this all out and show it to my W; right now it would be a futile gesture. Thanks again, Oaktown, and best of luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Joined: Feb 2002
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oaktown:
Thanks for the encouraging words! It truly is nice to know that all this pain and suffering isn't going to waste for someone out there.
Have you tried to get your H into counseling with you? If not, how about going yourself? He really isn't doing himself any favors by forgetting what's happened. He should face them, tell you how much it hurts, work with you to figure out what was lacking in your relationship that caused you to choose to have an A, and THEN consider yourselves ready to "move forward." From what I can see from others on this forum, and occasional signs of true intimacy from my W, M after a real recovery, involving both spouses, can be truly wonderful.
Thanks again,
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Joined: Apr 2002
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spacecase: I'm sorry that your H has not given you the opportunity to rebuild your marriage; you seem like you've "seen the light", and probably deserve better. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">spacecase... clearly my husband is still hurt... things are looking better for us... he is the right one for me!!! don't know what i'd do without him... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> oaktown...
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oaktown: spacecase... clearly my husband is still hurt... things are looking better for us... he is the right one for me!!! don't know what i'd do without him... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> oaktown...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm so sorry! I thought he'd left you. You have hope then! Have you gotten him to look at MB? Maybe let him know there are other Husbands out here who have gone through the same and would be happy to "chat" and help him?
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Joined: Apr 2002
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spacecase and 2long...
thanks for the encouragement and suggestions... my husband is not interested in this site... he says that it's my new addiction… i’m not willing to give it up… as i said earlier, it has helped me immensely…
my husband found out in january and i discovered this forum in april… wish i had found it before my ea turned into a pa… i was surprised at the number of things that we naturally did (husband wanted no contact… i gave husband my user id’s and passwords, etc) that follow the mb principles once my husband discovered what was going on…
early on i failed miserably at no contact and my husband saw it as a sign that i was not serious… i didn’t realize that it would be sooooo hard to cut off contact… once he discovered my transgressions i was able to cut off contact, but his mind seems to have been closed… it has not been easy, but we are still together and planning for the future…
later this year when we travel home i’m hoping to find an elder (husband respects elders more than anything… wish i could find one here) to give us the counseling that we need… i still have hope… wish is could get my husband to talk to you guys…
oaktown…
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Oaktown;
I'm open to talk, email, whatever if your H's interested. My email's in the sig line....
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