Hi. As some may know, my WW and I have been physically separated since Dec, 2001 with very little contact at all. She even cut off e-mail contact about five weeks ago. That was when her EA/PA was becoming especially intense (according to her sister).

Anyway last night she called me and I thought "oh no", what now? To my surprise she was very pleasant. She made small talk, telling me about things that were going on in her life, with her family, etc. And for the first time since she left she actually asked how I was doing. She asked about my family, my mom, about the house. No LB's at all and absolutely no mention of the A or the OM by either of us. She did ask me if I had the D papers ready and I told her I did. I've been stalling and she knows it. I asked her if she wanted me to go ahead and sign them and send them to her. She hesitated and then said "well, i guess so, if you want to". What! This from a woman that was demanding a D since she left! She has known since D-Day that I did not want one, that I preferred to work on our M.

Before we hung up she said the reason she called was to ask me if I would send her some of the kid's things she had forgotten to take with her. These "items", trinkets really, are probably worth less than $2.00. Almost like the junk kids like to buy from those big gumball machines at Wal Mart.

Can anyone make heads or tails out of this?

What is she thinking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks.

Sounds like she may be having second thoughts?

Don't know you whole story, but it sounds like a positive development to me.

to me, too.

Any way you could find out from her sister what's up with her A, preferably without letting her know you asked?

2long,

I'm sure her sister would let me know if I asked. She is the only one in W's family that disapproves of what W is doing and we're pretty close. Ironically, she is also the only one in W's family to have never been divorced, or cheated. W said she never cheated in her previous M and swore she hated the A's her Mom, Grandmother, etc had.

Back to the question, their's is a very close family and I've been caught snooping already. It just drove W closer to OM. At this point I'm not going to play with fire, just sit back and watch.

The information I get from W's S is voluntary on her part. I never ask.

gb:

VERY wise decision!

My guess is that her A is winding down, or the fantasy is starting to break down.

Hang in there.

I'm really down now.My W called again last night. The youngest girl got on the other phone to say hi to me and W screamed and cursed at her to get off the F****** phone and not talk to me. The poor kid is only five. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
What is with that? W was very angry about something, I don't know what, and insisted upon an immediate divorce. That was the extent of the conversation. I don't understand her sudden hostility when the evening before she was so friendly.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

It sounds as if she and her OM are on the rocks. It would explain her bad mood and her contacting you.

GB,

Hang in there. I have just realized, with the help of Steve harley, and the people here, that the WS is going to go through ups and downs, fits and spurts, as they head out of the fog. When the gog clears somewhat, they see some of reality and it scares them. So, the winds of fear come by and push the fog back over them. One thing I have learned here is this all takes time, that we BSs cannot rush it, and left to their own devices, the fog will ift.

I agree with everyone here that what happened earlier was a positive sign. but, in this situation we are all in, I have come to find out that these positive signs are almost ALWAYS followed by some emotional outburst hours or days later, and a retreat by the WS back into the saftey of the hole they created.

It is going to take time for her to feel safe enough to stay out of the fog for any appreciable time. DO NOT REACT to this latest blow-up by her. Let it go. Who knows what caused it. probably some problem in fantasyland with OM. As Steve said to me yesterday, Plan A has nothing to do what WS does and EVERYTHING to do with what BSers do. So, if OM caused a fight or something, and you hear her blowing up at you or about you, remember she is "under the influence" and to not take it too seriously. Beleieve me....I know how difficult that is. My recent LBs have been because of not taking this advice. thats why I decided today to write a formal Plan A for myself, that I can refer to, study, and tweak when I need it. That way, when my WW does something exactly like yours just did, I react according to plan, she sees the happy, positive, changed me (fake it until you make it) and then I run to my binder and refocus on the plan and make sure I dont get pulled away into her mess and reacting to her illusions.

Hang in there. The ice may be melting, it may not. the only way you are going to know is keep the heat on it by Plan Aing your [censored] off, and sit back and watch.

In His arms.

hey mortarman>... that plan a binder sounds awesome.. can you email your plan? thanks honey.. let me know ... and I will email you or you me...

Also... my spouse.. sep. 9 mo. is totally in and out of fog... one minute nice , and the next blowing up at me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ?????

honey

No problem Honey. I am actually working on it right now. it is done using a military operations order template. Of course. Anyway, it covers everything and will help me keep things structured. Email me at my email address and I will send it back to you as soon as I am done.

email: userjay8367@aol.com

In His arms.

Mortarman:

"I agree with everyone here that what happened earlier was a positive sign. but, in this situation we are all in, I have come to find out that these positive signs are almost ALWAYS followed by some emotional outburst hours or days later, and a retreat by the WS back into the saftey of the hole they created."

This observation is RIGHT ON THE MONEY. A very important point to keep in mind. I've noticed that *I* go through similar ups and downs myself, with the biggest downs ALWAYS occuring right after the most recent, highest ups! And this is because my ups are in phase with her fog-lifting moments. As soon as the fog socks back in, I take a huge dive back into depression.

Best one can do is be aware of these things as they happen. As a King Crimson song says: "The thing about depression is... ...well, you just can't let it get you down." (King Crimson, "ProzaKc Blues") <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Being aware of all the ups and downs in your path toward recovery, and all the things that your WS will likely say or do while in the fog, gives you the tools YOU need to recover.