RNROSCOE,
I was going back through some old post that I had saved as I thought they might be of use when I got to that stage, and came accross this one from an oldtimer Trueheart and when I seen your thread I thought that it might help you today, I am sure that Trueheart won't mind my passing it on. For some good reads go search for some of his posts very insightful.
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
So here it is............
Withdrawal does crazy things to WS. I am not justifying or rationalizing for us/them, but only wanting to talk about superficial things, not fully committing to anything...these are all done for WS to keep themselves safe, for the time being. Sadly, like the BS, when they go through Dday, Ws feels totally alone at this point. Up to now, when BS got on us, we ran to OP. When we had problems with OP, we ran home to our spouse. We had created an intricate safety net/web, in which we were never alone and had all of our EN met. Now, for the first time, cant count on OP, feel we dont deserve BS since we are being judged, watched, evaluated. So we find the nearest cave, run in, and pull the rock over the opening. It is done in defense and safety. We dont have to talk, open up, be honest with anyone... It takes time for us to believe in ourselves, just as it takes time for BS to want us around, trust us, believe us...it is a process, just like the rest of it. I think sometimes, the BS can be like the WS in that they expect things to change right away. WS expect the BS to *just get over it* and BS expect WS to *just open up to me* right away. Those couples that are truly in recovery have been lucky enough to find that balance of communication and understanding. It is a delicate balance, and one that can be very frustrating. It is sort of the Chicken vs. Egg argument all over again. *Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.* Trueheart
