It's been a very long time since I posted. Things had been pretty good for the past year but deteriorated in the last 2 short weeks.
I never felt as if H (WS) fell back in love with me or loves me as much as he did.
It's a very sad and lonely feeling not to be loved.
I'm sure it makes me LB all over because I don't feel happy. It's a vicious cycle, he's not happy because I don't make him happy, I can't be happy if he doesn't really love me. The one thing that's changed in our relationship is cruelty - I think once he learned how to be cruel towards me, he never quite let go of that.
ANyway getting back to my post - what does being loved feel like? I can't remember anymore.

sfh1,

I can only FANTASIZE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Every night in my dreams, I remember what being loved feels like....and every morning I wake up to the reality of loneliness and pain that this affair has caused. I turn to tell my H about the awful nightmare...you left me...only to see it's no nightmare, it's my life. These past few days have been devestating to me...I can't stop the tears. His promises ring in my mind and the pain goes on. I don't know how to get through this anymore...I worked so hard to make changes and nothing matters to him but this OW and her allure.
I pray to God every night to help me through another day.

I remember! Vaguely, but I DO remember!

If feels like you are the most important person in the world the moment he/she walks in the room.

It feels like nobody else matters. Beyond basic courtesy, when you speak that is all he/she hears, and your eyes are all he/she sees.

It feels like a sudden hug and he/she taking your hand the moment other men/women enter the restaurant...marking his/her territory, his/her woman/man.

It feels like you don't need to speak to be understood. That glance, that look in his/her eyes, tells you he/she understood.

It feels like all your worries, stress, and deadlines vanish when you walk in the house, and you see his/her face light up, and he/she comes to hug and kiss you.

It feels like your dreams and your hopes are all the more powerful because they are being held up and pushed by both of you at once.

My most sincere wish to everyone on this forum for a quick return to feeling these things again...thank you SFH1, for reminding us why it is we are here working as hard as we are working...thank you from the bottom of my heart! I actually cried while writing this...

Dear Spacecase
I cried as I read your reply...everything you said is so true....I wish for everyone here as well, that the love and happiness they've lost is restored completely.
Thank you

Gee, it has been so long I have no clue

I have no idea what love is anymore. My WH, SNL, loved his other woman and still loves her. We are in divorce proceedings. He told one of our kids the other day that he still loves her. He has been physically abusive to me 2 in the last 2 months, police reports were sent out. He has injured my back that I need physical therapy and counseling.

I wish I could dream of what love is. Don't have a clue to what love is anymore. I have been drained of any feelings of any sort. I try to get through each day, and like stated above, some days are quite hard to live through. It is hard when you have contact with the abuser everyday. And the abuser doesn't admit to him hurting me, just justifies the outrage that I was at fault.

Sorry, but I can't remember being loved by my WH in ages. Can't remember much about him, but the betrayal, deceit, lies, taking money and giving it to his whore, and lieing to me and the kids. Now he doesn't want to support the kids, or me. Just live his life as a single fat old bald man. Hope the whore is available for him.

I am not looking to find love, I am looking to find peace in myself and to have a good relationship with God. To hell with love, to hell with men, I will never trust men again.

Spacecase
I cried when I read your post. THose are the feelings that I had with my H and neveer will have again. You hit the nail on the head. I want those things back and I just don't know if I will ever find them with someone else.
Max

Spacecase, that is so true,,,I can't wait to feel that again!!! I too have forgotten how it feels to really have your spouse to love you..