WS came out of the fog big-time one month ago on a visit to OW...He said he was coming back for good and would do anything to win me back. He promised our girls a wonderful summer and told them he would make everything up to them. Our recovery lasted three weeks and he's gone again. He says his final option now is to leave us, find a new job in his company and move in with her. He's willing to leave everything behind, especially his beautiful daughters who are just devastated by this latest betrayal. He tells them that he loves them.."this problem is strictly between Mum and I" but their hurt is so deep. The physical distance will be 800 miles...I don't expect him to ever have the contact with his children that they will need..he's always been the most involved, wonderful father...I can't believe he can survive this separation either. I don't know where to turn anymore. He cares but doesn't feel any romantic love for me anymore after thirty years of marriage...the situation is so bizarre. How does a middle-aged man lose his mind to the point that a virtual stranger becomes more imortant to him than his family and his wife who's loved him completely for 32 years. I hope that a good Plan A is remembered by him and not the pain of our last few days together. I just want to be happy again in my marriage with my H.
Wintergal

So sorry to hear this, WG; at this point you must think of yourself and your children, make yourself and their lives better; the very best you can.

Your WS is on his own, and there is probably not much you can do to change that, except let him run his course, crash and burn. Plan A him when you can, treat him with as much love as you can muster, but work on making yourself stronger and better, able to survive and thrive on your own.

This way, when the fantasy inevitably ends, you will be the very best option and you'll have the best chance of rebuilding your M.

A big hug, and my very best to you. Come back often, we'll be here for you.

Dear SC
Thanks for your reply...I hope my children and I can survive this ordeal...I honestly believe I've done everything I can to let H know I love him and will be here for him...my biggest fear though is that my love and concern will disappear before he realizes all he's lost. Why do these things have to happen? I wish there was an easy answer and solution. I'm willing to do and try anything to get my marriage happy and stable once again but WH is not. I'm just so sad.
Wintergal

WG;
I understand how you feel. These things are so crazy...my W, whom I have loved, adored, since we were 14 years old, the woman of my dreams....she "belongs" to someone else now, if not physically, certainly emotionally. Nobody can explain this, or justify it, or understand it. It just happens.

You can be there, and be a better person, and be ready to love him again...but only HE can choose to do so. We hope he does, as I hope my W will also, but life goes on, and our children deserve to have a happy and secure parent, and we deserve to get over the pain, so we must...

Hi SC
I know we deserve to be happy I just don't know how to get there... the past few days have been awful. I can usually keep myself busy with projects and errands...I was hoping to start back to work soon but I don't feel capable...I can't seem to concentrate on anything but my H nd what's happened to him to cause this terrible situation in our lives. I found my girls watching videos of our last summer's vacation with their Dad...it just tore my heart up to see their faces so happy, including my husband's...I don't know how everything went so wrong for him. You've devoted over 20 years to a marriage, I've done it for over 30. Nothing is ever perfect, I'm not a Pollyanna....but why doesn't all the good, the love, the time you hold their hands through illness and pain, why don't those things count for more than a trite, physical relationship. How do our spouses put aside all the time spent building a life together...the children's feelings, the respect of their families. I just don't know how to get my girls through this without the total loss of their father to them. I feel like I've failed everyone, my husband, my children, and myself. I tried so hard but it just wasn't good enough. Everything I've loved and cherished is either gone or quickly going. I need to get some help coping with this....I always thought I was strong enough to handle anything but this is too much.
WG

WG; It is not your fault. Although we all play a part in these things, it is not your fault, and you should not blame yourself for it.

Get on anti-depressants, start doing things with your Ds, find new hobbies, stay busy. All you can do right now is make a better life for yourself and for your Ds.

Read all the info here at MB; Q&A, Articles, read Dr. Harley's books, improve, get better. You will see that very soon, things start looking better.
Have faith...in yourself, in your Ds, in your life!

SC
I know everything you say is my ticket to coping, I just don't seem to have the energy to move on them. I am seeing the doctor this week to discuss anti-depressents; I hope they can help pull me out of this funk. My girls are sitting here looking at me, waiting for a daily activities schedule and I just feel like crashing back into bed. I do need to get out of this hoouse, maybe take a walk with them. I hate myself for being so weak...it's just what they've seen in their father these past few weeks and he's the last thing I want to remind them of now. Again, thanks for your kind words....they help more than you know.
WC