I've been lurking around some of the other forums, and was reading a lot of stories about marriages coming to an end, and with NO apparent reason.

The polls that others had listed here over the past few days got me to thinking (Oh Man....there comes that dangerous side of me out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

How many of us came to MB for advice and support, not really thinking along the lines of our S having an A, but found out later that there WAS indeed an A going on (EA or PA)?

That query has my curiosity aroused. From what little I read here on the site, I would tend to think the percentage was pretty durned high.

I know that I came here within a matter of days of D-day. If....I had came here with my story and someone had suggested to me that my WW was having an A, I would have denied that possibility until I was "blue in the face".

What's everyones experience and opinions on this? Are we giving even more credence to the "walk away spouse" theory here?

hcii

I came here last May (2001) when I suspected that my H was having an affair with his nurse. I found this site by chance when I had a weekend alone. It really helped me sort through how this 'A' could have happened, but H insisted that it was all in my head and that he loved me and we just needed to work on our marriage. I found out last month for sure when I received an anonymous phone call from some woman telling me that she had seen my H at an apartment with OW (guess what? It's the nurse!). This past month has been hell, just getting over the shock of it all, but H is committed to recovering our marriage from this mess. He was so relieved that I had found out, maybe because he didn't have to tell me himself. It was just what he needed to end the A, which had been going on for TWO YEARS right under my nose. It's relieving to know that I am not crazy, but I still get to deal with the 'Oh my God' shock of the reality.

Unfortunately, I did not discover MB until MONTHS after D-Day.
When the A came to light I did all of the crazy things BSs do for weeks. Then I started looking for books about it, started to discover there WAS hope, read Divorce Remedy, then discovered Dr. Harley's SAA...and that led me here. And I didn't come to the forums for a long time! I was reading the Q&A, Articles, etc. for a while before I started posting.
Perhaps if I'd known about MB before, I might have PlanA from the start...as it was I'm sure I did a lot of damage before I started Plan Aing, and even more damage before I was Plan Aing well.
I've become a believer in learning more about Rs BEFORE all this happens. I've started giving Dr. Harley's Fall In Love Stay In Love as wedding presents...I'm sure many think it's weird or in bad taste...but one day they'll thank me for it!

<small>[ July 13, 2002, 09:56 AM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

I really need to order some of the other books by the Harley's, I only own SAA. I actually bought it last year when I started to suspect something was up. It really helped me understand everything, maybe it helped me respond better when all this came to light. I refer back when I am having a really bad day, which seems to happen less frequently as time passes.

I am trying so hard to not be impatient with this process. I keep my anger to myself cause I can't imagine it could help and I don't want to LB.

In my case, no, I knew when I came here... in fact... if anyone had said even a week before d-day that I'd NEED to come to a place like this, I'd have thought they were nuts...

Does it prove I was an ignorant boob, unaware I was harming my poor, sweet, innocent wife for years and years of horrible treatment?? Well, even WW has admitted I'm Prince Charming, so although I'm well aware of where I've fallen short, there's plenty of other factors out there. (WW not protecting herself from her own weaknesses, WW's first A, possibly childhood issues, self-esteem issues, distorted concept of romantic love, etc.)

Huh, I guess that counts as a mini-vent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For tere38,

Here is a recent posting, and some of the thoughts may be helpful to you,

Today's Weather-some good thoughts by Lyxxxa, kb4jb, and mortarman

For me, I knew of the A and thought all was completely over. I found this site while looking for divorce lawyers, one had it on his site <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

DRS

hcci,

I found this website a few weeks after dday. It was so awful, I thought the only answer was to dv. A friend at church asked my to let it sit and not do anything right away.

It was after that, when I lookded through and OLD email account that had over 350 emails, only opened 2 & found an article on infidelity. That floored my cuz I didn't know any existed. the website was dearpeggy. I went to the book store to buy more books & spent a long time looking through them & decided on MB, for which I am very grateful. The books led me to this site. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

D.

Well, H found out about my A before I started coming here. We went into counselling for over a year...and went through alot of emotions. And then, a couple of months ago, after all the guilt he put on me, I find out that he had been having a A all along!

Soooooooo, to answer this question, I suppose its YEs and No. Still not sure where to go in all this.

Thanks for listening.

I came to MB in 12/98, we were either in our first reconciliation after a 3 1/2 mo. separation or the beginning of the 2nd separation.

I suspected an affair, my H had denied it (for 8 months!) I thought the problem was his depression.

1/99 he confessed. We had our 2nd reconciliation--only, uh, (don't want to depress the newbies, cover your eyes) 18 months to go to our 7th (and blessedly ongoing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) reconciliation in 5/00.