Hey you wild woman!! I know you seem to be around here more on weekends so I thought I might catch you. I have some questions for you sometime if you wouldn't mind.

OK ... I am waiting for the "roto rooter" man to come out and fix this darn clog that is backing stuff up into the ... oh ... nevermind ... it's disgusting! We have big time tree root problems ... shade trees ... the good the bad and the ugly.

Ask away!

P <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ July 13, 2002, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Your hubby had an affair with a friends wife. I know you've said the friendship was never repaired. I can totally understand that and see how it would be likely most would not recover from such a thing. How long were he and the OW's husband friends? Or was it that you two were couple friends? Did your husband actually talk with him and apologize? Did his friend ever forgive him or was he too mad?

Well, these two guys have known each other since they were in grade school. They grew up living across the street. Their moms still live in those houses across the street from each other. They went to Boy Scouts together, camp outs together, they shared an appartment at one time during college. So, this friendship is (was) close to brotherhood in length and quality of friendship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yes, my H actually apologized to OW's H ("Rob"). I told H I would not even consider being married to him unless he did that. We went together, sat in a coffee shop, and H told Rob that he'd been having an A with his wife for 18 months. Guess what ... Rob already suspected as much. Rob had found a love letter H wrote to OW .... this revelation caused my H to choke! OW had lied to my H ... she told him she got rid of the letter right away. We think there was more going on in their marriage than the A between my H and OW .... ???? Perhaps a duel A?

So, there was not really any "I forgive you" spoken ... Rob did show up in the living room of my MIL one XMAS ... we were in her city visiting ... and, when we returned from an errand, there Rob was ...chatting with MIL ... an awkward moment "Hello" was spoken between them ... and that was it. Rob and I spoke a few times on the phone that first year, compared notes ... but, we haven't spoken for about 3 years now.

I was never friends with OW. She and I had seen each other only a dozen times or so over the years. They were at our wedding of course .... the guys having grown up together and all.

What else do you want to know?

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

...... waiting for rooter man to unclog the shi.......

I was just curious.

In our situation the OM and my H were friends since childhood also. I know my H has forgiven OM, but is still very hurt that OM doesn't even speak to him anymore. Thing is, I think my hubby takes it personally, like OM doesn't like him. But I think it has more to do with being ashamed and embarrassed than anger. At first OM was angry with H for neglecting me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , and I suppose that allowed him the justification he needed to rescue me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

At that time I think OM made H out to have been a terrible friend etc... but in time I would think the "fog" would have cleared and he would have realized how much of that was emotion based and not reality. Anyway, I guess I just wonder if OM would be able to speak with hubby again (as long as I'm not around) if he would be able to muster up enough courage to apologize. If he realized hubby forgives him, maybe they could both heal a little.

We have a get together tonight at H's brothers house. H's brother is OM's best friend so I'm curious whether or not he'll be there. If he is I'll do my best to avoid any contact other than a cordial hello. But I guess it just had me thinking about all of this. Chances are he won't even be there.

Anyway, thanks for the info. I was just curious if it had been dealt with at all and how it went. I hope your rooter duder gets there and unclogs that shi... for ya! LOL!

Last year H and I contemplated sending a holiday greeting to them as a couple, but we decided NOT to contact for any reason ... the OW and H are just better off never having to cross paths again. The "fat lady" has sung ... and the lights are out.

I'm afraid the mens' friendship is "toast", forever lost ... a rather hefty price to pay ... but, there you are.... consequences are not always rosy.

One day, we will inherit my MIL's house ... and I wonder what we'll do with it if that family maintains ownership of the house across the street ... we thought we might like to remodel and live in it at one time ... but, we'll have to see.

still waiting ... rooter duder where are you???

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

The thing is, my FIL and his brother (the OM's dad) barely speak. The OM's dad is very socialble and easy to get along with, but FIL is super jealous and they have many issues ranging way back. I think my FIL is very petty when it comes to family matters. He'd rather carry a grudge than get along. He does the same with his oldest son. It's ridiculous. I'd hate to see H and xOM wind up that way. But...I also think they both see how their fathers act and I do hope they'll rise above that.

It's not that I think they're friendship will ever really be restored. But we do all live in a small area and they're bound to run into one another at farm sales and such. It looks like right now xOM is trying to get himself a life of his own...which is a good thing in itself. If he and I had actually gotten together down the road, we would have had to do that anyway. Not like anyone out here would have had much to do with us.

I also think there just comes a time in peoples lives where friendships take a back seat to everyday life. Seems like all of us out here were more social a few years back...but because of kids and events and whatever else...we've drifted away a bit. So it might not be so much that anyone is avoiding anyone...but more that life is just changing.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just hope one day they can atleast speak to one another. I think that day will come.

Hope that ruter dooder gets there soon!!!!