I have had affairs in my marriage, never wanting to leave my wife for any of them, they were results of my depression, and selfishness. I do not want to leave my wife, I love her more every day, and I never want to fall prey to that temptation again. But should I tell her that I have been unfaithful, be honest with her, ask for forgiveness and then move forward, wherever that might take me? Or should I accept God's forgiveness, repent of the sins, and never tell her?

Tell.

I'd suggest that you start marriage counseling (preferrably phone counseling with one of the Harleys, 888-639-1639) first, but then I'd recommend that you tell.

Your wife needs this important information for several reasons, and to deny it is not an act of kindness.

I am a BS who wished they never knew. From what I have read on other boards, most women would want to know; however, there are some of us who wouldn't. I say this IF the WS recognized what was wrong and could get help on their own. This horrible mess has changed me forever. Not a day has gone by in the past 18 months where I haven't spent my time thinking of this. The damage it has done to me seems irreversible. What kind of woman is your wife? Do you think she will be able to find forgiveness? Is she already suffering from low self esteem (I ask because most know something is going on and can't figure out what, so they think it is them)? There are alot of things to consider, all situations are different. Do you see a counselor at all? If so, talk about with them.

I just wanted to give you my opinion based on my experience. Like I said, I think I am in the minority regarding this but there are those of us out there who would have rather not known.

Best wishes

f&f:

Do you love your W?
Do you respect your W?
Are you M'd to your W?

These may sound like silly questions, but the point is that your W can't make a very important decision about her OWN life and future if she doesn't know what she's up against. Also, think about this: If you had told your W about your first A, there may not have been any others. My W didn't tell me about her 1st A, and wasn't going to tell me about her recent A, but I found out by myself. If she had told me several years ago about the first one, we couuld have had a much stronger M than we did, and the second one wouldn't have happened. Now, it's not clear whether we can stay M'd or not, because of all the damage that has been done for so long. I am hopeful, though. But, even if we do split up, we will both have grown from our experiences. The bottom line is that your W deserves to know what her M has consisted of all these years. You may be able to rebuild, you may not, but you CAN'T have a truly fulfilling M if you don't tell. You'll always be lying to her (lies of omission). Do you want to do THAT for the rest of your life?