Ok, here's the update many of you may have been waiting for.

My 1 yr. since d-day and recovery begins hit this weekend.

Friday we went to dinner with my parents and went put-put. It was a really nice evening. Saturday I woke with this ill feeling in my stomach. I thought it was going to be a bad day, but it turned out great. My DH wished me a happy anniversary and that was all that was said. He said it with a smile, hug and kiss. We did some yard work, had a cook-out and some friends stopped by in the evening. We sat outside and enjoyed our deck and the weather. It was a wonderful day. Sunday I woke up to a good mood (both me and DH) and I was pretty relaxed for the day. DH didn't march in the parade, but he went into work for a couple of hours. My mom, son and I went to the mall (after dropping DH off at work) and it was nice. I phoned him when we were leaving the mall to let him know what was happening and he was in a real good mood. We picked him up and made plans with my parents to go out to eat later that evening. We dropped mom off and went home to relax for a bit. After dinner we went put-put (DH, DS and me). It was a nice relaxing evening. At home DS played outside with some friends and DH and I relaxed on the porch. After putting DS to bed DH and I read and relaxed on the couch. He fell asleep with his head on me.

So, my weekend was fabulous. Things seemed so right and normal. I couldn't have asked for more. Now, why can't that just last? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Apparently this morning after DH left for work he tried to call the house for me to turn the air up. He said the phone was busy for a bit. He sounded rather irratated and I felt awful. I don't know why this happened, and I have no explaination. All I could do is tell him what I was doing (letting the dogs out, grab my things, and left for the bus) and say I was sorry. However, he still sounded bothered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I can understand that, but I'm not sure what else to say to help. We had such a great weekend, and now a minor step back it seems. However, when I said I love you before we hung up he said he loves me too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So, that is a good thing in itself. Yet, I still have this uneasy feeling about it. I just don't want this to be an issue.

So, that's my year update. I guess you can officially call me a success story. I think I've heard that the first year is the hardest, and my DH and I have successfully made it past that mark. Thank you all for the support, encouragement, help, insights, ideas, sympathy, etc. It has been a huge help through all this. You are all wonderful, and I hope that I can continue to repay the kindness. My best to you all.

Ohhhh, you passed your D-day anniversary... I am wondering how that will go for us too. I understand what you mean about the phone being busy and him seeming bothered by it. It is hard to know what to say, especially when you are doing your best to be so good. I got in hot water with my H one day because my phone shut off on its own, the battery has gotten loose. He couldn't find me for an hour or so, I showed up with groceries, but he was so worked up by then it didn't matter.

Hang in there, and keep your course. That's probably the best thing you can do at this point. He's going to have triggers for a while still...

You have a whole lot of positives and one negative listed. While I am sure that it was disheartening today when your H questioned you, he is still working on rebuilding trust for you.
My W also has had A's on me. What would help me, and probably also help your husband, is if you tell him that you understand his lack of trust for you. That you understand why he feels that he must question you because of the mistake you made. But that in time, he will see that this is not necessary. Try to get him to read info in MB's relating to this topic. If I ever get back with my W or when I get with another woman, this site will be a part of my growing process.

I hope everything works out for you. As long as you are taking 2 steps forward and only 1 back, you are going in the right direction.

Hi Finding, thanks for the reply. I could use some support right now. I'm having such anxiety. Oh, how I don't want to fight about this.

DH and I have e-mailed a bit and I asked him to not be mad at me. He wrote back with "you put two and two together and see what you get". I replied with understanding and compassion, but I feel so bad. I feel bad and I didn't do anything. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Anyhow, the 1 yr. wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Just plan for the triggers, etc. and try to make it good. I wish you the best and thank you again for your reply.

Hi Sotired. Thank you also for the reply. 2 steps forward, 1 back still equals 1 forward. You are so right.

Oh, I so want to go home in bed and cry! I have this awful feeling of anxiety right now and it won't go away. While I realize the positives out weigh the negative, it's still hard. I feel so awful that I have inadvertently made him feel this way today, especially after such a wonderful weekend.

I guess I just need a boost today. I so hope everything turns out well today. I love my husband so. Thank you for the reply. I did e-mail him letting him know I understand exactly why he feels this way. Thank you for the advice. I hope all goes well for you.

Rather than start a new thread, I'm hoping many will catch this here.

I'm freaking out!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. DH is really short with me. He is bothered by this morning and we can't really discuss it during work (he's real busy right now). So, he had a meeting at lunch that I didn't know about until I called him at lunch and he said that was what he was doing. I stressed and got all shaky. I thought he might be with an attorney. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Well, he was meeting with his boss (dad) and when I talked to him he said he was having system problems and didn't have time for this with me.

Ok, so I understand this. However, I am still full of unbelievable anxiety and still shaky. I have that awful thumpy heavy feeling in my chest. I just want it to go away! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Oh I hope this passes uneventful, but I fear a confrontation later this evening. I so want to avoid that and I want to stay cool, understanding and help things go smooth, but I'm afaid I'm making so much of it that he will see that as a negative on my part and add to his issues.

Help, please, help me relax if you can. I don't want to burn myself. Oh, thank you all for listening. I know I am going a little overboard here, but it's this darn anxiety. The more I try to control it the worse it gets. Again, thanks all for listening. Any thoughts and/or insights are more than welcome.

Tutter,

Please take it easy. You guys have been through a lot and have done well. Try to focus on all the progress you have made. You're one of the lucky one's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep thinking positive, You've done it for a year right? You can do it.

There is nothing you can't overcome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tutter,

Relax. It sounds as if his day has sort of gone down the drain at work. He is frustrated and I suspect not being able to reach you because of a busy signal was just a small part of it.

So, tonight be calm, be serene, and you two relax. Ask him how his day was and see if you can get him to vent a bit about it. Then have a good evening.

Tutter, everything that happens is not about the A or even about you. So relax, you are doing well, and he isn't going to leave you. He loves you, you fool. Otherwise he would have been long gone.

Just keep you antenna up, and relax OK?

God Bless,

JL

Thank you for the encouragement Mike. Although I am still having trouble with the physical anxiety, it does help. I know you are right and I really need to relax, but I am having such a hard time with that. It's like it is overcoming me today.

I'm going to try though, to relax and do everything I can to ensure this evening goes well. I just hope I haven't made him feel I am hiding something since I am so affected by this.

Thanks again.

Thanks JL. I needed that "fool" comment. You're right, if he was going to leave he'd have left long ago.

However, today I think is a lot about the A. I know this morning he drew the connection.

I will do my best to stay calm and "serene", and remember all of you are behind me.

Oh, keep your fingers crossed that tonight isn't just awful. Thank you for caring - all of you! I would be lost without you.

Tutter,
Your description of your anxiety made ME want to go find my Paxil <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Sometimes phones, even in our electronic society, don't work properly. Twice in the last week, we've thought we've signed offline...and the computer didn't, 600+ minutes online...with nobody actually online, or even home.

In your shoes I would tell my H that I love him, only him, that he is the one I want to be with, I'm glad I'm married to him, I'm glad he stuck with me. I don't know what happened with the phone, but I'm sorry for his (hmm, frustration? worry? inconvenience? Whatever you feel works here) but I'm not calling the OM and I'm not in any sort of contact, nor do I wish to be.

Maybe it's overkill, but sometimes overkill is just right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Now, for next year, forget all about when Dday anniversary is...let it go....

Man O Man have I felt what you are feeling right now... many times as of late.

All I can say is that usually, by the time I see my H, he has way cooled off.

Example: I had to take my D to the emergency room recently (it turned out to be nothing major, and I was about 99% sure it would) and I had no way to call my H at work. He has a new job, and I only had his cell number which he wasn't answering. My FIL came with me, so I asked him to stay with my D while I ran home and emailed him, which I knew he would see immediately. I knew my D would be in VERY good hands with my FIL, he is awesome with her. As I got in the door, the phone is ringing, it's my H wanting to know what is going on. He got a call that his D was in the emergency room, and he needed to leave work right away. His mom had found a way to get ahold of him at work (long story). He was pissed that I wasn't the first one to reach him, and that I wasn't at the hospital. He just starts screaming at me, with no information as to what's going on.

I eventually hang up on him, he is out of control, and screaming WFT is going on? I get back to the hospital in about 15 min and he is there, but we don't talk. My MIL is there and mouths I'm Sorry to me. I have been crying and can hardly look at her. She offers to get some food, because it will take a while to run the tests on my D. When her and I go to eat, she tells me that they layed into him when he arrived *****ing about me. I also let our dog out of the house, this turned out to be beneficial because we were there very long.

He had just been gone on a fishing trip for two days. I had been dealing with her not feeling well for the whole time he was gone. I was at my wits end, and he knew very little about what was going on.

My FIL apparently also talked with my H when they went outside to eat. (We took turns, so someone could stay with D.) When we got home, he came to me and broke down, he said he knew his anger was a problem, and it was affecting our M. He said he can't control it when he reachs a certain point. The recent events haven't helped, and I recognized that. I even was the one to say that. I told him I have faults, and I wouldn't want him to give up on me. The fact he came to me and admitted it, with such emotion, meant the world to me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I am not sure if that was a good example, because my inlaws helped... but we have had many other arguments that eventually we are able to see what caused the trigger and work thru it. It sounds like your H is committed to working on the M with you, I wouldn't stress too much, it tends to work against you in situations like this.

Try to give him a warm hug and kiss when he gets home, look into his eyes and tell him you love him and are committed to him and the M.

I hope the evening goes okay for you...

Thank you Lor and Finding. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and show you care and are behind me. It means a lot.

Actually, believe it or not I am starting to relax some. Here's hoping I can stay this way.

Asking DH about his day doesn't usually go too well. He doesn't say much and that's that. I'm sure he'll be cooled off, but I won't know for certain without asking. Then I have the fear that if I ask it will raise up things he's already put to rest.

Oh, keep hoping for a good evening for me, and I will do all I can to make that happen. Thank you all so much. I still have some anxiety, but I hope that this slight calm means it's on it's way out the door. Thanks again.

What Lor said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In your shoes I would tell my H that I love him, only him, that he is the one I want to be with, I'm glad I'm married to him, I'm glad he stuck with me. I don't know what happened with the phone, but I'm sorry for his (hmm, frustration? worry? inconvenience? Whatever you feel works here) but I'm not calling the OM and I'm not in any sort of contact, nor do I wish to be.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is what would make *me* feel better.

I hope and pray my WW and I are as far along as you are some day.

Thanks for your support on my thread! It helped.
You were right... She is totally OK about it.

ST

Tutter-

Hey, just wanted to chime in here and let you know I'm thinking of you as well.

Like they say, "dont sweat the petty stuff and dont pet the sweaty stuff" Could be a lot of things going on with H that is making him seem so short. Its probably a combination of a lot of things, the DDay anniversary, problems at work, lots of stuff. Remember that us guys are fixers, we dont like to talk things out or try and over analyze things. Sometimes all we need is a little time and space so we can chew our cud and really work it through the system.

I wish that I was in your place, 1 year into recovery and things looking better everyday. Dont worry about it too much, just let H have his space, dont smother him or nag him too much. Let him know you love him and are there for him whwnever he needs you.

Take care Tutter, you are one of the success stories that keeps me going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

tutter:

You've been a big help to me recently. I admire people like you that have made it. I think I need to remind myself that even the people that come back to their M's and recover have to remain vigilant. Heck, ALL couples should be vigilant. We should never forget that our partners are people too, that they make mistakes, that they jump to the wrong conclusions about silly things, and that they may just need a little more understanding.

Thanks for being there for me when I've been all screwed up and about to do something stupid. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sad Tiger, Loveherstill, and 2long - Thank you all for the encouraging words and support. Unfortunately I don't have a computer at home to get these, but I did get them this morning and they made me smile. I am so glad I have been of help to you in some way. It means a lot to have the people here for support and encouragement. You have been so kind to me. I was about in tears with my smiles. Thank you for your warm thoughts.

On a separate note - I want to thank you all for putting up with my vent, tears, stress, and frustration yesterday. You were all so wonderful. I so appreciate the kindness you all showed me.

I also want to let you know that the evening went well. DH's computer crashed and he lost a lot of stuff. So we touched on that on the ride home. I waited for him to get settled and I asked if he was still upset with me. He said no. I touched his arm, gave him a kiss and told him I love him. He then continued to tell me that he was really p*&@#d about it. We talked for literally about 5 minutes about it. Just enough for him to tell me how he felt and for me to express that I totally understand and I am sorry he had to go through that. I then told him that "I know trust is still an issue, and that that is to be expected, but thank you for believing in me." We hugged, kissed, and was done with it. The rest of the evening just got all the better. DS had some friends over and we all went in the pool, even DH. After dinner the kids played flashlight tag and when it was time for bed, DH and I relaxed together.

Again, thank you all for being there for me yesterday. You are all so wonderful.

Thats wonderful, it sounds like you handled it very well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm glad to hear that the evening turned out so good. Sounds like the both of you handled a potentially explosive situation very well. You were able to communicate your concerns and feelings in a constructive way and WH was able to do the same.

Keep up the hard work and keep giving me hope that someday soon me and WW will be at the place you are.