It's only been about 6-7 wks since D-day. I moved out after about a week since WW was obviously continuing on with things regardless of my feelings. Obviously no respect for me and or my feelings. I've been told repeatedly from those on this site to move back in. I approached the subject with her and was rejected wholeheartedly to the point that I believe whatever progress we had made up to that point was destroyed. I am not considering moving back into our home at this point. I have been advised by a lawyer over the internet that there is nothing that I can do to prevent her from leaving the state with our children if push came to shove, which I feel like my moving back in would do at this point.

I have been going over to our home each weekend and maybe once during the week to help out with chores. Some painting that was long overdue, taking care of the yard and such. I feel like I'm just the maintenance man at this point.

She has expressed that she is grateful for my help at this point and has actually talked with me while I'm there about some issues with work that have concerned her. Actually she confronted her mgr the other day about the fact that she keeps getting a pretty bad schedule in comparison to her fellow peers. W told her mgr that she would go to the district mgr to resolve this if she couldn't. Her mgr then told her yesterday that the two of them would be sittting down with the district mgr to discuss things. My mind immediately begins to wonder if WW's mgr knows about WW's involvement with OM which happens to be a fellow employee. Actually my WW is his mgr.
This could be a good thing in that it would shock my W into reality or it could backfire and send her running.

I guess that whole last paragraph may have been unnecessary. I am feeling like I am at her beck and call and generally feeling like I'm the yo-yo because I go over and help out with things. It does keep the lines of communication open so I guess that is a good point. Does anyone else out there feel like this, and is it doing us and our relationship or future hopes (on my part) of a reconciliation any good. I am in Plan A and I feel like if I discontinue doing these things that it is more like Plan B.

You can read more of my story on this forum and also on Plan A / Plan B, and JFO.

Thank you and God Bless

Biscayne:

You're definitely in plan A. I'd stay there as long as you can stand it, that is. how long had the A been going on when you found out? It might have a while to go, yet, or it might start to fall apart. Hard to tell at this point.

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation with fixing things around the house, only we're rebuilding our house after a major fire last fall. We're not separated, though, and WW isn't seeing OM, who lives out of state, but the "privacy" continues. And although I have told my W in no uncertain terms that OM MUST GO for us to stay M'd, she hasn't said anything to indicate she's going to try to comply, since our clarification discussion the night after I told her in front of our MC.

So, I continue my plan A (from home). You should probably determine what you think might be a reasonable time to give your "remote plan A" to work. Then, try to stick by that rough schedule. Definitely get good Cing to help you make sure you're going to plan B when you are truly ready, if you get to that point.

regards,

From what I can tell on the length of the A. It very well may still be EA without any sexual intercourse. At least that is what she told me on D-day. She didn't actually want to admit to any of it. D-day was on 5/31/02 and from what I found out and what she did admit to it had only been going on for about 2-3 wks at that point. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but it seems like she is actually spending more time at home now than with OM. When I was there she would spend time with him to avoid coming home to me. She has told me that OM is not up for discussion and that she would not lose him as a friend over us.

I have been tempted to scout them out to find out if the A is still continuing. I am afraid of what it will do to me to find out that things are still hot and heavy. Or relieve my mind if I find out that it isn't as bad as what I perceive.

She called me last week about getting her own cell phone, which is something that we discussed in the past. I emailed her suggesting that if we got on a shared plan that it would be less expensive and she said that we could check into something like that next week. I know that the fog is causing some waffling on her part also.

Anyone have any feelings on this. I know it would make it harder on me to Plan A if I knew that the A was still progressing. I have snooped at our home and found a few pictures of OM, and I know that each time I find something that is evidence fo the A it hurts and plays havock with my emotions.

Thank you and God Bless