Just some thoughts I am having that I want to share.

How can we continue to love those who dished out some of our greatest pains?

or

Is the reason Im trying to rebuild due to my fear to abandonment?

or

Am I going nutso?

I think many do stay out of fear. My plan was to stay long enough to go to a few counseling sessions and then dump him with a clear conscience. I figured if I went to the MC a few times I could say I "tried." I wasn't interested in staying with a man with bad character and, frankly, lost all respect for him after his affair. I felt ZERO love for him when I found this out and wanted out. I was disgusted.

However, a funny thing happened. That man with poor character for whom I had lost all respect, did a 180 degree turnaround. He showed sincere remorse and changed into a good man with a good character who is very devoted to me and very truthful. We have a very intimate, honest relationship. I love my marriage now and feel very fulfilled.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes it pays off to give people a second chance when they can demonstrate real, positive change. I am glad I stayed around.

P.S. If he had not changed and assured me COMPLETELY that he was faithful, I wouldn't waste 2 seconds. I couldn't love someone who lived thier life that way because it is a direct reflection on their character and not something I would be interested in.

LIveAnew,

Good question the why is generally takes the BS by surprise. It seems so strange to try and hang onto a M that seems destined to fail. Yet we do.

As a result some recover their m and others gain personal healing. All who apply what we learn and receive support on, heal.

Not many outside of our circumstances really understand what we go through. For most the A is a shock and while in that shock we struggle to survive. Trying to save our M, then we learn to work on ourselves and if the WS learns the real meaning of love and life, they may come back. If not, they won't and we the BS move on. So does the rest of the world.

In my opinion, the WS for the most part eventually learn, maybe it is just to late to make the M work. But does the BS regret trying? I think most do not regret.

JMHO,
L.

I stay because I know 100% no doubt that I love him. I do know that if I were to kick him out or if he left I would not be alone for to long. Not conceited just facts. I have to try everything to be sure before we say good bye that I have done everything I can physically, mentally and spiritually do.

Good question:

I stayed intially because I KNEW I loved my W, I KNEW that we had had something special and unique and irreplaceable at one time, and I, frankly, was afraid to be alone.

Now? Well, it's been 6 months since D-day, and I feel pretty good about myself. I still LB from time to time, but I'm able now to better explain why I do that to my OWN satisfaction, and recently even to some satisfaction to my W. And so now I believe I stay because I know I love my W and feel we can restore our M to a level of intimacy we haven't shared in over 12 years. That doesn't mean I WILL stay, we're not out of the woods yet, but that is why I DO stay, at this time.

Thanks for asking.

I stayed at 1st because he was my knight in shinnng armor. I couldn't believe this was happening, I thought it was a nightmare that I would wake up from. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Then I stayed because I never thought I be divorce, never thought we do this to our boys, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

then I stayed because I hated the thought that our future; our very future grandkids would have to make so many visits <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

and finally I stayed because I had been a SAHM for over 15 yrs, it is very scary getting pushed out in the world in you mid 40's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I always thought till the last very bad months in Singapore that, we would work things out, learn, grow, be happy & use this nightmare to help other people. I truly believed this.

well now.......for all the water under the bridge I can't say I wouldn't take him back but it would only be for that 10 yr old boy who really hates that his parents are divorcing I didn't know how much till the other day <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> of course as I have often said, he have to crawl naked throught a TX sized field of fire ants 1st <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sweet Sing,

It is now my turn to hug you.

((((((((((Sing))))))))))

Love,
E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

oops.

<small>[ July 16, 2002, 05:59 AM: Message edited by: can't sleep ]</small>