Well folks. Since I've got free reign on the forum tonight while my W's out of town, I thought I'd say a little about my IC session this afternoon and see what kinds of ideas I get from you folks.

I told IC that I think I've recovered pretty well from my recent LB arguments with my W.

One thing I told her was that "I don't want to do that kind of thing to you again. I don't want to hurt you" (thinking "I also wish you would stop trying to hurt me, too"). I made a point to tell her that I didn't say "I won't do that to you anymore" because I can't promise I won't get upset in the future and actually hurt her (not physically, mind you). I think she finally understands this.

We're getting along well and had a good weekend together, but most of this is just keeping things generally good between us without solving any major outstanding problems. I told my IC about my recent "revelations" about our miscommunication problems, and my efforts to mitigate those.

Aw hell. Basically I feel like I'm doing well with my plan A, but I can feel the "need" to work on a plan B in the near future in case I have to implement it. My IC knows about the plan A and plan B stages, though he doesn't use the terms himself, and acknowledged my state of mind and status of our sitch at this point in time. He agrees with many of you - that soon I may have to demonstrate more clearly my need for this R with OMW's H to end once and for all. I asked him if he had any suggestions for me in my sitch, because of the complex family and property positions we're in. He suggested we get a new MC to act as a referee to help us come up with an "amicable separation" plan. Not necessarily right now, but when I feel like I need to go to plan B, which I had told him I would consider in mid October. I like this idea, rather than going to a lawyer and giving them a chunk of change, plus it might actually show my W that I'm serious about my limits of tolerance regarding OMW's H.

Any thoughts?

I'm going to be here late tonight, so feel free to chime in with ideas, jokes, anything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

2Long,

You ask heavy questions. Gotta go think about a good response to you.

L.

HI 2long, May I suggest Steve or Jenn for counseling? I think if you need a new marriage counselor I would vote for the Harleys. Hugs, So sorry you are in this.

HOney

Hi Honey:

I truly would like to work with the Harleys, but since this would have to be agreed to with my W, who is only just starting to NOT insult my time spent on this forum, it will be hard to get her to "go for" phone Cing at the Harley's price. Even my IC thinks they're steep. As I reported last week, our Kaiser MC thought we should "stop for a while." Everybody here jumped all over this as stupid, especially at this time! My IC today said the same thing. Utterly ridiculous, maybe even dangerous to our M. Thankfully, I have him and YOU fine people to talk to still. And, though I don't get "reports" from my W about what she and her Kaiser IC talk about, I am doing better steering my thoughts and our conversations and interactions away from the negative and toward the positive side of my W's "conflicting emotions", which I can tell continue to rage within her. I know I can't force her to do anything or stop contact, but dag nab: I sure wish she'd wake the hell up before I'm ready to start over on my own!

I may use them for myself one of these days, but for now the IC I'm going to is doing a good job for me, and I do like the in-person Cing.

Hey 2long, i got your email tonight. That is a sticky situation you have there. But...nothing is ever easy or perfect when it comes to taking that leap, either. I made excuses for a year before I actually moved out. Consider how much MESSIER it would be if you actually divorced! So in the scheme of things...is it really impossible??

There are other options BEFORE that step though. Our counselor suggested an IN HOME seperation. I'm not sure it gets the point across quite as well. Another idea, more effective in my opinion, would be to try a 180. If it gets to that point where you would be just about ready to pull the plug...have one more talk where you clearly spell out what you need in order to have a fulfilling marriage and how far you feel you are from that, and make it clear that you are just about done asking for it. Then implement the 180. You'll change the "dance" enough to get her attention and possibly enough to take her out of that comfort zone that WS's tend to get stuck in.

Just some thoughts.

Well, shoot.

W called just a bit ago. She and "coworker that knows about the A" just got to their hotel room after a long delay getting off the ground, getting there, and getting a rental car.

We chatted a bit, all upbeat, and she asked me how my day went (I dropped her off at 4pm). Well, I made a cake of myself and said "My IC agrees with me that our MC shouldn't have suspended our sessions." Why the heck did I say that? It wasn't said angrily or anything, just off the top of my head (a very small surface, I should add). DOH!

Rest of convo was good, and I told her it is always nice to talk to her. I told her "I'll meet you at 3 o'clock" - this is something I used to say early on in our R to say that I would meet her in her dreams at 3 in the morning. It was always very sweet when we'd say that to each other. I've been using that, and other stuff like that we used to say, a lot more lately.

I dunno, folks. Maybe ol' 2long is getting impatient? I guess it goes with the territory. And I guess, so long as I don't beat my W over the head with it and stay loving and understanding, then it's okay to think impatient thoughts to myself about our R?

"We want the world and we want it ... now? ...NOW!!! -The Doors