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tommaz:
HUH??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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I'm crappy at this, but I'll give it a shot too, and you can take the good, discard the bad...
Dear WW,
First off, "no", this isn't about not having sex the other night. Not at all. It's about the gradual accumulation of pain that's left me at a point where I really need some time to think... think about what I need... think about the future.
[JR: Try to deflect her inane comment re: sex; also throw out the fact that something BIGGER is coming down the pipe, namely your Plan B letter.]
I love you so very much, WW. That's why this hurts so much. I've held on for a long time, out of a hope you'd see what's possible for us. But right now, I just need to be alone... please understand. I will provide some follow-up shortly, I promise.
[JR: Yeah, I like Pepper's philosophy - don't be afraid to communicate your pain. But you don't need to sound weak about it either - keep your cards to yourself for now, my friend.]
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I am brand new to this website, have just registered and need some serious advice tonight! Will someone please tell me how to initiate a new page, so i can introduce my problem?
THank you!!!!!!
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RAts!
Was writing a reply and my email program crashed.
Starting over. At least I've got more sample responses to work with!!
MIL called and WW took my son and his friend to get Mickey Ds. Gives me a bit more time to write a reply.
Forgot to add that she responded to my other email to her with this:
2long: "before I respond to your messages, I just want to say that I do not want you to pack up and leave. Please stay.
WW: "That seems to be my only choice at this point. Again, you did me the disservice of not talking to me before you made a decision. No respect is all I see."
Cripes.
<small>[ July 21, 2002, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>
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Jbird: Look at the top of the page and hit "new topic" instead of "post reply". You might also want to back up a page to a section that's more appropriate to your particular problem, although this one, "general questions II" is a good one for ...general questions! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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J Bird ... I started a thread for you to use to describe your situation. Good luck! Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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2Long's WW says: "No respect is all I see" ... Kid~~~ she's trying to lure you into an arguement .... don't bite. ONLY discuss YOUR FEELINGS ... territory where you are always 100% correct. Do not discuss her feelings or her actions or the past .... YOUR HEART AND YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR PAIN. Give her no arguement, no corrections of what she is saying .... she is looking for a way to not see you're hurt by her choices. Do not argue, explain or anything else. just be a broken record of describing your feelings. She's a very very clever girl. Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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2L; I must defer to Pepperband and her assessment and response-type. I believe she is correct.
I was limiting it to "the big picture", bringing it up from where you started, with all the details, and Pep has brought it up even more, to the base essentials. I think that is correct at this point.
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2long,
Say and do as little as possible until you talk with SH. Stall and give as little response as you can get away with.
I'm with Pepper!! I think this is great news as far as her love for you goes.
Say words to the effect that you have alot of thinking to do and waiting for the right words.
In my opinion I think she is trying to provoke you into an arguement. But remember it takes to to engage; so wait until you've consulted with your coach! CSue
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>RAts!
Was writing a reply and my email program crashed.
Starting over. At least I've got more sample responses to work with!!
MIL called and WW took my son and his friend to get Mickey Ds. Gives me a bit more time to write a reply.
Forgot to add that she responded to my other email to her with this:
2long: "before I respond to your messages, I just want to say that I do not want you to pack up and leave. Please stay.
WW: "That seems to be my only choice at this point. Again, you did me the disservice of not talking to me before you made a decision. No respect is all I see."
Cripes.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2long,
This is a tactic to distract you. She wants to pick a fight so that your leaving without discussing with her becomes THE ISSUE. Then she can once again run away from the real issue.
You've answered her question...No she doesn't need to leave the house. She is going to poke at you and pry; becoming more and more disrespectful by the minute, desperate to engage you in battle so that YOU LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY! You are not dealing with the woman you love and married. She is in alien survival mode, not fit for conversation. This is where you detach and let her stew in her own juices; feeling a little of the healing pain that she needs to feel.
Remember what your mother told you and what you told your children. If you hold you hand over an open flame and it hurts; that means remove your hand from the fire. Pain can be good. Let her feel the pain, her own pain so that maybe just maybe she will start to consider making different choices (take her hand out of the flame).
Don't let her distract herself from her pain by engaging you in any battle. CSue
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Okay, all. First, THANKS for being online this evening. You'll all live long lives and prosper for this, I promise you! ...well, if you believe I can do that, I've got a sinkhole in FL for sale...
How's this for a reply:
Dear W:
I love you so very, very much. I was hurt the other night when you said that when I tell you "ILY", all you hear is anger, hurt, want and need. But I feel those things precisely because I love you as much as I do. Every breath I take hurts right now, because your love is divided. This situation we find ourselves in has saddened me more than you'll ever imagine. My leaving the other night wasn't about sex, it was about the gradual accumulation of pain that's left me at a point where I really need some time to think. To think about what I need and to think about our future.
2damnedlong
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2long,
This is hard for me to say; but I need to.
I don't thinks she cares about your feelings right now. She just wants to pick you apart. I agree that your response is too...2long!!
CSue
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That reply is mucho mejor amigo. Can you drop the first two sentences? Pepperina <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <small>[ July 21, 2002, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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CSue: Yep. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> - just had to post a couple grins to keep me from falling into this pit of despair that wants to swallow me up. You guys are great! How's about this boildown of the one above: "Dear W: I love you so very much. I've been feeling hurt precisely because I love you as much as I do, and right now your love is divided. My leaving the other night was because of the gradual accumulation of pain and tension betwen us that's left me at a point where I really just need some time alone to think." Now, reading it again, I STILL don't like it!
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Sorry 2long,
But I have to interrupt this thread with ROFLAO with Pepper's response on j-bird. Gawd Pepper...you have just been elevated in my mind to being the funnnnnniest poster around.
That was outstanding advice; I hope she takes it and saves herself and H agony. What we would all give to have had our WS pause like j-bird is doing at this point in her M and ask these questions. CSue
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2long,
I have to say that this is a good response!
My concern is that you would e-mail something that she would pounce on and continue. But I don't see where you've left her any openings.
Good job! CSue
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Know what ... stop explaining things ... gives her something to dissect with her arguements. You have to go visceral not intellectual with this clever girl. "I hurt from every part of my being. A love divided has pierced my heart. " .... NOT this: " I left because you said ____ and the issues have accumulated since ___" yada yada yada. Turn off your intellect 2Long ... flow from a deeper well. Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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Pepper:
I'm trying to think, but nothing's happening! - Three Stooges.
"Turn off your intellect 2Long ... flow from a deeper well."
When I do, this gob of drool starts flowing down my chin...
I'll try again!
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Or better yet...
Begin the e-mail with your statement - "My leaving...blah blah blah.
That answers her question.
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nyuk nyuk nyuk woo woo woo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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