H4F:

Boy, we sure have a bunch of quiet rooms!!

I sometimes like to go into the house and sit in the tower and look out over the valley. Very soothing. Sometimes I'll even go all the way onto the roof. It's an incredible view. Before we moved there I had no idea just how often we have beautiful sunsets in L.A.

Trouble is, my W sometimes sits on the balcony to think. Has done that at least once since I moved out. I don't think she does that during the week, and she didn't do it while I was home, so maybe she really will keep her distance.

I do realize that I am stressing myself into a total basket weaver here. I'll figure something out for the weekend.

2long was feeling good this am.
2long was getting important work done.
2long got call from W. Cheerful, calling about insurance claim problem and ph # for me to call. No R talk. W could have emailed. He!!, W could have called # herself.
2long gets off phone.
2long has to take break, close door and <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
2long just plain f***ed up right now.
2long will try to calm down and get back to work now.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

2long, I talked to my h this am too, and I had to cry too... starting to feel better... aghhh! they are just 2awful... I know it has been 2long for me too ! honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2L have you heard of "PET" scans (positron emission tomography)? PET is a functional MRI. Instead of demonstrating body structure like MRI and CAT scans, PET demonstrates chemical functioning of the body. If a structure in the brain is very active with chemical energy, it shows on a PET. It's pretty cool.

Well ... there are oodles of studies being conducted on brain function using this technology (and other tools as well). One of the interesting things that happends when a brain is dealing with on-going stress, the chemical activity becomes abnormal. Constant severe stress can sort of burn up the brains available neurotransmitters and the brain is faced with a shortage of the chemicals it needs to function well. One of the things that occurs as a result of this is ... serious and chronic sleep disturbances. Problem is, the longer the sleep disturbance is allowed to continue, the worse the neurotransmitter deficit becomes. The brain cannot rest without sleep, and the brain cannot re-organize it's chemicals to function better without resting. (In other words, 2Long sweetie ... the little mouse on the wheel inside your head is running and running and he's all tuckered out and he keeps running anyways and he's about to collapse ... but he cannot stop himself from running)

Medication time.... Don't be a schmuck ... make the call.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Or face the medieval treatment for sleep deprivation.

*passes around big clubs, gives Pepper a specially heavy one*

<small>[ July 26, 2002, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: Alostwife ]</small>

Pepper:

Called our work health services yesterday and they can't prescribe ADs.

Call Kaiser? or my IC? Kaiser Sunset is a pain to get to and from.

Call your primary/regular doctor ... If he/she is not available ... ask for a "same-day" appointment for severe stress and anxiety (cry over the phone, this always works). The same day MD/RNP can write RX for a month supply until you can be seen by your regular person.

Good luck

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

sheeesh...NOW I know how your really got that name...let me guess
DR. PEPPER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know you really ARE a RNP. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2002, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Okay, this is a VENT. A VENT. Don't shoot me!

Actually, I do have to ask about the last point I make with this vent. Do I tell my W about the interview? I'm not sure I'd take the job one way or another, but I'd hate for her to find out that I'm off to an interview without telling her about it.

W: How can it be a union when you make the important decisions without me?

2long: I would agree that we both need to be involved in all our important decisions.

I would be willing to talk to you about possibly buying the rental house at some point after we know what the settlement on the house is going to be.

I would very much love to talk to you about my leaving last Friday, if you would like to talk about it. I agree that it would be fair to you to do that.

I also need to hear what your plans are regarding permanently ending your relationship with Rat Meat. Your decision to continue to have a relationship with him after I found out about your affair in January has been disrespectful and very hurtful, and made without my agreement. You know that I do not condone it. Please end it so that we can begin repairing our M, and I will come home.

***** emailed me yesterday to say that I am a finalist for one of the jobs at *****, and wants me to come out in August for an interview. My relationship to you and our family is far more important to me than any job or any change in location. If I get offered the job, my answer will be simple: If my family wants to go, we consider it and discuss it. If my family doesn't want to go, I will turn down the offer.

love,
-2long.

Dr. Pepper???....cry on the phone that always works???...ROTFLMAO!!!

Yup...you guys are 2hilarious.

2long...I know you have a need/want/desire to communicate these things, and I also understand why you are putting them here as a "vent"...but why, then, once they're "vented" are you still mulling over them? The point is to get it out, and then move on. It's like poison and "venting" is supposed to help you spit it out. You need to quit obsessing over these thoughts and just deal with the next 5 minutes. Then the next 5. Then the next. It really IS possible to NOT think about these things nonstop...and it's really necessary.

Listen to the pop lady (Dr. Pepper) and do whatever you have to do to get some meds and get some sleep. Think about working on you right now...the rest will still be there to work on later in the week.

If you want...I'll let you pet my cow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H4F:

"If you want...I'll let you pet my cow"

Which end?

Okay, I called and left a message for my Dr at Kaiser. He's supposed to call me back. And that was WITH crying on the damned phone!

I need to switch from Kaiser after this crap.

This is the worst I've felt since D-day.

What can he even do, if it takes weeks for ADs to take effect?? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2002, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

Ask for anti-anxiety pills too. They work immediately. I got some at the beginning, and they helped me along until the zoloft kicked in. The doctor gave me two weeks supply for them as well. Tell this doc you NEED to function NOW and you cannot wait two weeks for the anti-d's to kick in,

((((((((((((((((((((((2long)))))))))))))))))))

Love and light,

Jacky

Nina Too:

I will, if they ever call me back!

Screw Kaiser.

Nothing until next week. I'm on a "wait" list.

Dear 2long,

A year ago, when I was totally strung-out (and I have been on meds before - Prozac for 3 years - Zanax for 3 months 15 years ago), I went for an aromatherapy massage -

It was (I think) 1 month after D-day no. 1 - and things were not improving with spousal unit - my brother had died 6 weeks before - and I found out about OW1 2 days after I came home from his funeral - I went into physical shock for several days - my H was so involved with OW1 that he hardly noticed - I had diarrhea, couldn't stop shaking, was cold all the time, couldn't eat (I lost 20 lbs in a month), couldn't stop crying (behind closed doors) - couldn't sleep (would fall asleep for an hour at 5am) - somehow I managed to hide this from him and still take care of my children.

A friend persuaded me to do something for myself and go get an aromatherapy massage that I had been promising myself for a long time. I did. I walked in practically comatose with depression - I walked out feeling a lot lighter - nothing had changed in my life, but I had had an hour of slow, kind, healing touch combined with some aromas designed to lift my mood, and it worked.

Before you poo-poo this idea of smells having any effect on your mood, there is scientific evidence to support this - I suffer from SAD in the winter - I am an LA girl born and bred, but have lived in the UK the last 12 years - and I NEED sunlight - my poor brain just can't wake up under these cloudy skies - now I use a "light-box" in winter which is very effective. But the latest research into SAD shows that the brain responds to certain scents - these wake up the neurotransmitters. So SAD sufferers should plant plants in their gardens which flower in the winter - some of these winter-flowering plants have very strong scents to attract insects in the cold air. This last winter, I had an aromatherapy massage every week, and it helped me so much through this whole year - I am not on ADs and although I know that I am down right now (mostly just plain mad as heck about everything) I still don't think I need ADs.

I am not urging you not to do ADs - for me they were a lifesaver when I did take them and I am a firm fan if they are necessary.

I told you all of the above to preface my next tip - when I was so strung-out a year ago, my aromatherapist told me to get an essential oil called "Petitgrains" - its a citrus - that's its official name - you have to make sure the essential oil is full-strength in order for it to have the proper effect. Here I buy Culpepers - this oil is not expensive - others are. But you put 2 drops on a hanky and put it on your pillow - its a very strong scent - inhale it as you try to fall asleep - before you know it you will be sleeping like a baby - and will sleep well for hours - she said it sends a message to your brain to turn off your adreniline flow - it puts the hamster on the wheel to sleep.

I found it works - it works like magic on my kids - wound up tight as springs? - asleep in 5 minutes - and it worked with a friend suffering PTSD from 9/11 - he was trapped inside Trinity Church Wall St when the twin towers fell - and couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards - I mailed him some of this and he e-mailed me a HUGE thank you - said it had worked and at last he could sleep.

Just try it - if you can't get out to find some for yourself, do you have a friend who can go on a tiger hunt for you?

Hope it helps - I'm off to bed now - I'm up 2late now 2!

LIR

Dear 2long,

A year ago, when I was totally strung-out (and I have been on meds before - Prozac for 3 years - Zanax for 3 months 15 years ago), I went for an aromatherapy massage -

It was (I think) 1 month after D-day no. 1 - and things were not improving with spousal unit - my brother had died 6 weeks before - and I found out about OW1 2 days after I came home from his funeral - I went into physical shock for several days - my H was so involved with OW1 that he hardly noticed - I had diarrhea, couldn't stop shaking, was cold all the time, couldn't eat (I lost 20 lbs in a month), couldn't stop crying (behind closed doors) - couldn't sleep (would fall asleep for an hour at 5am) - somehow I managed to hide this from him and still take care of my children.

A friend persuaded me to do something for myself and go get an aromatherapy massage that I had been promising myself for a long time. I did. I walked in practically comatose with depression - I walked out feeling a lot lighter - nothing had changed in my life, but I had had an hour of slow, kind, healing touch combined with some aromas designed to lift my mood, and it worked.

Before you poo-poo this idea of smells having any effect on your mood, there is scientific evidence to support this - I suffer from SAD in the winter - I am an LA girl born and bred, but have lived in the UK the last 12 years - and I NEED sunlight - my poor brain just can't wake up under these cloudy skies - now I use a "light-box" in winter which is very effective. But the latest research into SAD shows that the brain responds to certain scents - these wake up the neurotransmitters. So SAD sufferers should plant plants in their gardens which flower in the winter - some of these winter-flowering plants have very strong scents to attract insects in the cold air. This last winter, I had an aromatherapy massage every week, and it helped me so much through this whole year - I am not on ADs and although I know that I am down right now (mostly just plain mad as heck about everything) I still don't think I need ADs.

I am not urging you not to do ADs - for me they were a lifesaver when I did take them and I am a firm fan if they are necessary.

I told you all of the above to preface my next tip - when I was so strung-out a year ago, my aromatherapist told me to get an essential oil called "Petitgrains" - its a citrus - that's its official name - you have to make sure the essential oil is full-strength in order for it to have the proper effect. Here I buy Culpepers - this oil is not expensive - others are. But you put 2 drops on a hanky and put it on your pillow - its a very strong scent - inhale it as you try to fall asleep - before you know it you will be sleeping like a baby - and will sleep well for hours - she said it sends a message to your brain to turn off your adreniline flow - it puts the hamster on the wheel to sleep.

I found it works - it works like magic on my kids - wound up tight as springs? - asleep in 5 minutes - and it worked with a friend suffering PTSD from 9/11 - he was trapped inside Trinity Church Wall St when the twin towers fell - and couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards - I mailed him some of this and he e-mailed me a HUGE thank you - said it had worked and at last he could sleep.

Just try it - if you can't get out to find some for yourself, do you have a friend who can go on a tiger hunt for you?

Hope it helps - I'm off to bed now - I'm up 2late now 2!

LIR

2Long ... go to urgent care. it doesn't have to be Sunset. You will be seen there, but you will likely have to wait (maybe a 2long wait). You can be seen today ... just go. You don't have to wait until next week for your primary.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Pep.

I'm going to have to do that. I can't even think straight like this.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK