I was talking to my WH on the phone yesterday... I almost laughed in his face when he started telling me about this motorcycle he's thinking about buying...

All he seems concerned about is having his freedom and having a good time... doesn't seem to be letting much get in the way of it. For example, today he is at the house to do yard work and pack things so we can get the house on the market. But instead of cancelling his recreational plans for tonight, he chose not to go to his internship.

While I have not entirely given up, I am pretty certain that unless he gets hit by lightning, he's not going to grow up. He seems to want to be 12 again.

Hey Jelly!

Sorry to hear your H is being such a blockhead; we all have the caveman in us (I know I do!) but most of the time we do come back to reality.

Have faith, keep working on it...it'll pass!

Maybe a little jelly...here and there... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Space, I too believe it will pass... the question is: when? And will it be too late - or is it already? I think he truly has to feel "free" before anything might change... and I might be done before that happens.

I guess he will get a little jelly here and there... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We only see each other when necessary, though he's been rather chatty the last couple of times we've talked.

Interesting, though, how one can go so quickly from being just fine to tears... he called from the house a little while ago to tell me what he'd done, called me "honey" and "sweetie" a couple of times, and when he realized he was doing that said it was just something he'd picked up in the restaurant business, says everybody does that... whatever. For some reason the conversation brought back the feeling of the old days, before everything hit the fan... and while I didn't completely lose it, I did shed a few tears.

Hey Jelly,

I was happy to see that you sound stronger than before in this post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for the early MLC - I believe my H is in one. When will he come out? Will it be too late? I have asked myself those questions daily for almost a year now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Remember...it is about you. Making yourself who YOU want to be, who YOU are comfortable with, being the best you can be. It sounds like you are making progress with YOU. Congrats! Keep me informed...

Hi jellygirl , My H is in early mlc... etc@ aghhh@#42389piujle aggh@#!

Anyway... he already bought the motorcyle and is playing darts tonight and quite a bit lately.. all his "friends" are partiers.. meanwhile I am home with our 3 and 10 yr old sons who need 2 parents... at least they have one, and my parents are wonderful... they visit their dad when he is not wasted... he is so sick right now@!

You will get stronger, perhaps he will lose you...if our h's lose us... by acting 12- then maybe someday we will meet some real men! right!

hugs to you sweetie... I am right there with you.. my h is sending at most 50 a week right now, and wehn he left he was making 100k... now he makes hardly anything and what he makes goes on booze.. and his bills.. he says I make enought to pay for things here... so I am about to file.. although I am afraid It will push his little immature fogland self away... see I will be a true meanie then, right?

ANyway... it is hard being the heavy, when you just want to have a good life.

it looks like maybe there are no kids yet.. thank your lucky stars.

Honey

Hey Twinkles, I have been feeling stronger than before. It's a much better feeling! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am definitely focusing on and being good to myself as much as possible... In fact, I think I'm going to be buying a new car! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I have to get H's name off my car title and loan, and I figured something different would be good. It's also little and sporty and fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (For you car buffs out there, I'm working on a deal for an Acura RSX Type S in Firepepper Red... yummy!)

Honey, I second your &*&%$#%^&*^%$!!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry that you and your boys are going through this. I am very thankful that we didn't have kids... I think in a way I saw that I'd be the disciplinarian parent, and he'd be the fun one, and I really didn't want that. My H is just going on his merry way... one of these days reality is going to smack him in the face, and then maybe, just maybe, he'll do some growing up... but I'm not counting on it. Maybe filing will be the equivalent of blowing the foghorn for your H - and maybe it's just time to stand up for yourself and your boys and let him know you're not gonna take it anymore! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

None of us deserve this, and we will all get stronger.

Jel,

Here is a site that gets passed around here on MB concerning MLC's.

http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html
Hope that you gain some insight!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jelly Girl...

I can relate! Only difference between your situation and mine is age. I'm 42, H is 44.

Yes, it sounds like an MLC, even though he's young.

My H is talking about buying an MG... wants to trade in the minivan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . He talked about "not wanting to be his father" (meaning, responsibility, family, house...) and is now doing EVERYTHING possible to not be an everyday kind of dad and husband. We've been separated after 4 months and a messy messy affair that he had.

Yikes!! I read some of your previous posts, and am amazed at the similarities (not cars/motorcyles, but the mentality here). All I can add here is to maintain a sense of humor. My daughters and I started some mental images of dad with this MG if he buys it. H is 6'3", not a small guy. He couldn't fit behind the wheel with his long legs, and couldn't drive it unless top is down. He's such a crabby and irritable person these days, we started laughing about how nice he'd get when he had to drive that car in the rain and snow. Additionally, we live in a fairly hilly area that gets heavy snow 2 or 3 times a year... that would be pretty funny to see him attempt to drive it in that weather.

Another image we put together was having him drive kids to marching band practice in that thing. Imagine a tall, big guy driving that thing with a kid, flags, rifles, drums, tubas... now you see the hilarity behind all of it. He loved it when kids first got into marching band... now it "bores" him. Our HS band consistently wins competitions and he'd always be so proud of them and volunteered for fund raisers, driving, loading semi truck, etc. Now, he could care less. So, I kind of thought it would be funny to see him drive like that... with a bumper sticker that says "be kind to animals and kiss a percussionist or a tuba player today"...

Yes, he wants his freedom. Lightning? Who knows? I'm just waiting for reality to smack mine upside the head! In the meantime, if Ds and I can keep up a sense of humor, it helps. You seem to be holding up well.

Sorry Jelly Girl,
It does sound like a MLC, what's with they guys and their machines anyway?

My H bought a red Porche at 40, hes says NO WAY it's a MLC purchace, he just wanted it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

His friends think it's great that I "let him" get it. My friends all just smirked. Worst of all, my teenaged son won't ride with ME driving it, he says it makes me look like I work at a strip club.
(I was left with it while my H took 5 boys to a soccer tourn. in my mini-van)

I might as well have had MLC painted on the hood while he was away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ladysing:

Kids and I were laughing about this idea after watching Austin Powers for the umpteenth time last night. (The older ones really like that movie for some reason... it got tiring to me after the 2nd time!)

Must be the sense of freedom and power? It's definitely so uncool to hit the road with a babelicious in a practical minivan or Saturn wagon? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, so I'm being sarcastic. It's a Friday night, he's not here and sulking in his cave right now drooling over the car ads and I'm bored right now... ran a bit out of steam with some projects today!!

Bluekeys, Hey, I have no H on Fri. nt. either. Too bad we can't go cruising in the Porche, it's in the garage. I think i'll watch Austin powers tonight, my son and friends rented it last night an i've never seen it. Have a good one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 19, 2002, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Ladysing58 ]</small>

Lady, I have the cooler car out of my bunch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's a fully loaded Intrepid. Now just because my license is suspended and I'm going to court and have an attorney arguing my case doesn't mean we can't go out and be a couple o'bad girls tonight with our muscle cars now does it? Admittedly, even an Intrepid is nowhere near the muscle/cool car that an MG or a Porsche is, but it is definitely a cruising vehicle. Has one of those huge engines in it. (Ok, I admit it... I have an addiction myself to cars with something more than a 4 cylinder engine and a little horsepower to them. An Intrepid just sounded like a good blend between "responsible" and "muscle car" to me when I bought it.)

Here's a virtual drink or popcorn or whatever it is you enjoy while watching movies. Have a great weekend!