</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ba109:
<strong>uhhh Melody, ya got a little spittle on the corner of your mouth there....yep, right there.

?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is this? When you can't defend your point intelligently you attack the other person with drivel like this? C'mon, if you want to disagree, please do it intelligently and respectfully. This is not the Jerry Springer show.

Melody,

I don't believe anyone here needs to defend their point of view, rather, simply share their opinion.

I certainly didn't attack your opinion or intelligence however, that appears to be your tactic.

I'll leave it at that. Others have stated their opionions...you have stated yours.

Let's move on...this is not our thread to argue at.

<small>[ July 18, 2002, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ba109:
<strong>Melody,

I certainly didn't attack your opinion or intelligence however, that appears to be your tactic.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let's cool the personal attacks, ok? It doesn't help you make your point at all and is the last thing this thread needs.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My apologies to howcouldidoit,

I didn't mean for my replies to cause a ruckus in your thread.

<small>[ July 18, 2002, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Ok, I tried to post earlier but couldnt for some reason.

In reply to the origin question, again, it is up to you - what does your hut feeling tell you? How long are you going to be able to carry this for? Another 2 years? In James (a book in the new testament) it says to confess our stuffups to each other, there are a few verses that tell us to be transparent with one another, clear the air - cause youre not breathing well at the moment are you? I understand what the others are saying, and yes, it would seem you could potentially be offloading guilt onto your wife. But who are you? Does she know who you are? Dare to be transparent with her. No, you didnt have an affair as most would call one, but there was definately an affair of the eyes(perhaps reflecting your heart at that time) which doesnt require intimacy. This doesnt mean youre scum either. I reakon most guys have a hard time in life trying to keep their pants straight at the front. I dont know if I confess my dirt to God, or others because I want to get rid of the guilt. Only you can release that anyway. But give her the chance to help you with this - but you might want to wear a bullet proof vest just in case - kidding!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

What do you think - have we all confused you?

Dancer

[QUOTE]Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
[QB]I might be the only female here that would NOT want to be told!!

"Admit it Ladies....this is what happens. When told you would automatically turn it back on yourself. That you must have somewhere been lacking is our way of dealing with it."

There is nothing to admit committedandovingit. I would not turn this back on myself.

Each person is resposible for their own acts. Within a relationship when one partner does something it is their own doing. Unless the other partner held a gun to their head and forced them. There may be something missing within the relationship. That often, simply is a cop out excuse that many people use to justify their actions. For one person to act within a negative way towards the relationship it is their own personal doing.

There may be many women who would agree with you but NOT all of us.

Sad Angel,

Doing a "Plan A" is just that. You start changing yourself to be a better spouse. You start meeting the emotional needs of the WS whatever they may be. Logic would tell you that when you start making those "changes" then something was inherently "wrong" with you. After all, they are not changing...we do not tell them to take us or leave us. We can only change ourselves and that is exactly what we do. If it was not broken, we would not need to fix it. If we were not doing something wrong in the relationship there would be no need for change. Therefore, because we change, we must have been doing something wrong: such as not meeting emotional needs, putting forth an unattractive, boring, stale side of us, not being the attractive fun loving person that we might have been before, etc.. I have also read posts on this sight where size is an issue. The BS goes on a special plan to lose weight because their WS has an issue with it (excuse is more like it). In essence we are partly to blame for the relationship going to h*ll in a hand basket. If he has to seek his entertainment with strip clubs and other women, it must be that there is a problem in the relationship.

That was the only point that I was trying to make.

committed