About 2 1/2 weeks ago my wife and kids (2) left me. I am currently in the military. We have been married for 10 years. In those ten our marriage in my eyes was OK, but I have been a jerk. I never cheated on her or abused her and she hasn't cheated on me . I was just immature and spent our money unwisely. I didn't put the family first. After a while of this my wife got tired of it. She warned me through the years, but I didn't listen. Before she left she told me she was hurt and don't love me as she should love her husband, she had alot of anger. She left to her sister house and wants to get a job and a apartment. She told me if she can't find a job by mid Aug she will come back. By the way we are both Christian and attend church regularly. When we got married she was active duty military amd she gave that up for me. She has been telling me she has been sacrificing and giving and giving in for me through the years. She left to have time away and think, because the anger has built up. I now realize what I have done wrong, and I want her back so bad. I have been devoted in changing my ways and have done alot of thinking and praying. When we first met I bought her a cheap ring and I could have done better. I wish I could buy her the ring she wants, and I know that it played a key role in her anger. I wrote her letters, but I feel that I am smothering her and pushing her back even further. I don't want that. When she calls she doesn't sound like she misses me or anything, she calls just so the kids can talk, and the kids miss me alot. I am hurting really bad. What can I do or say to her to make her come back. I already told her that was truely sorry for my actions. I Love her with all my heart and soul. I just need some encouragement and advise thanks. Brent

Being in the military is hard, but leaving the military is even harder - especially if you do it for someone who doesn't seem to appreciate it. Think about it, put yourself in her shoes. What would make a difference to you at this exact moment?

Now, my suggestion is that you back off just a bit. Give her some space to sort out her anger. Clean the house, do some of those well put off fixers, chores, etc. When she next calls ask how she is doing. Let her know you miss her. Tell her that you hope that her job search is going well, if that's what she really wants, and that you also hope that even if she reaches her goal of a job by mid-August that she will still consider giving the marriage another chance. Are there any carnivals or amusement parks around you? Ask her if she'd like to go to one. Tell her you thought the kids would like it and would love for her to join you. Tell her you expect nothing but thought she would enjoy it and could use the fun time. No relationship talk, etc., just enjoy the day if she agrees.

Keep working on you. Show her in as many ways as you can think of that you are the man she once loved, and even better. Listen, I mean really LISTEN to her and acknowledge her feelings, her thoughts. Let her know they are real, not only to her but to you too.

I hope this helps. I will check in on you tomorrow, but I have to be going. Take care, and good luck to you.

Well my wife and kids have gone to Arizona, and is currently staying with her sister, until she finds a job. Thanks for writing back. This all seems complicated. Some one told me to buy a expense wedding ring for her (since I never did) go to Arizona and propose for a new marriage, not a new wife. I don't know what to do, I believe I should just suck it up until she makes a decision. Thanks all for listening. Brent