Okay folks... time for an update... (Seems like things are really happening for a lot of people around here lately - check the moon, someone!)
As many of you know, I went away on a trip, by myself recently. It was me, taking care of me. I also got WW to take care of my rented house and our cats while I was gone. I did this for 3 reasons, notwithstanding the existence of Plan B: 1) to let her see my place, that I'm doing just fine there without her, 2) let her reconnect with some memories there (cats at least), 3) she's trustworthy to take care of the place - a lot of my friends don't live all that close.
Before I left, I left a business card in a fairly inconspicuous place, wedged in "The Language of Letting Go". I had no expectation that WW would snoop, but I know human nature - by looking at myself, sadly, I suppose.
Here's the deal: we all know I've been talking about the possibility of moving away, right? Steve doesn't think it's a good idea to just do it - until I'm done, since there's no POJA involved in such a unilateral decision. However, do I come out and say, "I'm really thinking about moving"? Plan B or no Plan B, we are still married, and there are some serious decisions on the horizon - as other have noted, as much mine as hers. And I've become more determined than ever to move forward, one way or another.
So rather than tell her "I'm doing THIS!" and it coming across as a threat, is there a better, more subtle way to communicate the same kind of thing? Well, my idea was again formulated on a possibility - not a gaurantee. I wanted her to realize the depth and seriousness of the situation, because we are getting to such a point - and in some ways, no matter how much I know she needs to fall down herself - she also deserves to have some knowledge, rather than be blindsided.
I had seriously considered a sit-down, face-to-face discussion - soon. But my leaving this small thing in my own house - I knew might say something to her also - the same weight, but maybe less "in your face". It would not say "I'm DOING THIS" - but might say "I'm seriously considering my options, and they could involve THIS."
Well, she found this card with a name and address in Victoria, for a company who had a job posting. I talk to a lot of people in my field - I actually really like to interview and be interviewed - for me, it makes me stay "sharp." So my talking to someone about a job doesn't mean I'm as good as gone - it should mean "I'm curious."
I noticed on the day I was making my way back here that WW had called my cell, but left no message. This seemed odd, since we'd not talked other than by e-mail since I left - Plan B and all.
I had a session with Steve the day after I got back. I asked him... should I contact WW about XYZ (can't recall exactly what it was now). He said, well - okay - and why not tack on "I miss you"? So I did send her a brief e-mail along those lines...
That seemed to open the flood-gates a bit... I'm seeing her tone change, big time. She called last night - was somewhat important - and she sounded like she was talking to her boyfriend - me! Some of her latest messages to me sound like they were written to OM at the beginning of this all! (Sure a whole lot of smiley faces! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
From what I'm starting to see here, it looks like WW may be shifting over into serious pursuit mode.
I know, I know... Plan B requires me to get agreement on a plan before breaking it... But... We also need to find a way to make our way back to each other - this is about having love at its roots, hence Steve's suggestion, I suppose... Folks with kids have that always there - we don't, and I know Steve has made references to this for me in the past. Having her seriously pursuing, if handled well, can work to reinforce her feelings of love. I've just got a certain "gut feeling" about how to play this out... Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong - but either way, it won't change the final END outcome, if we're not meant to be.
What I'm seeing as a possibility right now is this... CarolKH's story... If she's honestly switching to pursuit mode, I can continue to back off - gratify a little bit, but stay the distancer, until she's starting to make the commitments I need. If she doesn't make them, I can toughen back up... In fact, I can do more than just simply Plan B - I can go directly to my "talk" that would have been coming up shortly anyway. Such a talk would really put it on the line... and I do have a strong feeling about the outcome (although no gaurantees)... (it would be her breaking down and moving away with me, committing to a plan, etc. I think OM/EA/PA has fizzled - I have my reasons to believe such.)
I think separation itself has been as much "reality" for her as Plan B... that was one of the purposes of my recent poll... seems to be showing that separation is there about 85% of the time with the successful cases here anyhow - but Plan B is only followed strictly less than 1/3 of the time. I've done a pretty decent Plan B to date... I think she starting to get the message, but we'll see.
My attitude of "I can go either way" is possibly going to help me in the short-term here. I'm cautiously optimistic. I know the pitfalls - been here long enough to know... That's why I think SLOW, STEADY and watch her actions, not her words. Am I hearing a "popping noise"? (Picture head out of butt.)
She's going to bring over some important mail I got, tomorrow evening... will be the first we've seen each other in 6 weeks.
I'll post more mini-updates over the next couple of days...
