I don't want to feel physical attraction and desire for other men when I'm away from my H. It makes me think of open marriages, swinging, being with another, separation, divorce, and I begin distancing myself away from my marriage. I don't know what to do, to act, to talk, or to change it all. In therapy honest about all this with H and he understands somewhat. But, it is tearing apart the very core of our devotion to each other. HELP! AB/tb

I know how you feel. When I am away from WW I look quite a bit at other women. Driving down the road I glance at the cars that pass and think how great it would be just to start over so that I could feel loved again.

I think some things like this are better left unsaid right now. I believe this is very natural feeling one that I think we all feel. It shows how deeply we need and desire to be loved and feel love for another.

All of these feelings though show you that you need (like myself) work on yourself. Decide first whether or not you love your H and want to continue down the path you laid before you. Try to think back and remember the good times. If you can not remember any good times, then it is probably not worth fixing. Once you commit to this, Plan A (or Plan B) as best as you can.

Keep posting and reading.

Mrs B, this is going to sound simplistic...and I'm not trying to minimalize the depth of the problem...but in my opinion it really comes down to making a choice.

I went through HELL trying to figure out why I felt the way I did for another man. I made incorrect assesments that it was because of my past, or because we were soulmates, or because of hubbies failures as a H. Finally I just decided we'd grown apart yadda yadda yadda....

Then everything everyone told me sunk in. I had a choice. I could choose whether or not I was going to be committed to my marriage, and to my husband. That choice helped me to get my emotions under control. We each have the capacity to lust or love or long for another human being. It just comes down to deciding if we're going to remain committed to one...or play the field.

It wasn't easy. It's not like I just said "I choose to be committed to one man for the rest of my life" in the mirror 20 times and all was well. You have the make the decision TOTALLY. Not just on the surface. Once you realize it's not an affliction, not something that needs acted on, and you can decide, in action and in words, to remain faithful to your husband...the rest falls in line. I don't know how else to describe it...but it's a very empowering and calming feeling. To know you have a choice...and control over yourself and your life.

You're also nearing the age group where women experience a great unsettling feeling in reguards to their lives. This might have something to do with how you are feeling right now. Get the book "A Womans Book of Life" by Joan Borysenko if you want to read more about women's life stages.

I'm not sure that any of us here are "qualified" to really deal with any of the other issues you may be experiencing. Age gap issues, addictive personalities....anything like that. And maybe those things don't really have anything to do with your current situation. But a good counselor might be able to offer some suggestion in that area.

Good luck and take care.