I was supposed to go over to the house and work on a landscape project I had promised WW I would finish, but ended up spending time with her and D-1, trying to figure out a way for them to start reconnecting and get a healthy relationship going again, this at the request of WW. There is a lot of conflict between these 2, some of it being that teenage attitude, some of it being the ol' mother/daughter conflict, but I believe that a majority of it is a direct result of the A and how the kids feel abandoned and neglected by WW. D-1 harbors a lot of anger towards WW and lashes out a lot and WW is having a real hard time dealing with it. I tried to act like a mediator, listening to WW and D-1 squabble about how bad each one feels the other is treating them. I didn't let myself get frustrated or caught up in D-1's tirades, which is something I used to do a lot (one of my Plan A improvements). In the end, I think we made some really good progress, I even offered WW some of my free lunch/dinner coupons if she would use them to take D-1 out by herself and spend a little quality mother/daughter time with her. D-1 even admitted that she is really hard on WW and said she would make an effort to be a little nicer to her (and even offered to help out around the house instead of sitting on her butt complaining all the time!)
Afterwards, WW asked me about the concert tickets and if I was still planning on going and who with. I told her I was and said I had my eye on someone I would like to ask. So she gets on the phone, asks her dad to watch the kids that night, and says to me "Looks like we have a date" Then she says she would like it if we could go out for lunch a couple of times once all the kids are back in school. WOW!
We stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about all sorts of things concerning the A, OM, kids, how the M wasn't so bad after all, where we both have gone wrong in the M and even what we can do to try and at least start to work things out. I ended up spending the night with her because my car battery died (have absolutely no idea how, really) and we held each other the entire time. WW kept telling me she cant promise anything, doesnt know if she went too far with the A and is worried that I will always hold this over her head and use it against her whenever I want to. I guess that is a big LB for her and I will have to try really hard not to allow this to happen (not that I would want to anyway) WW also told me that several of her friends have commented that she will never find someone as devoted to the family as I am and the fact that I am still standing beside her is a testament to the love I have for her.
I even asked her point blank what she wants from me right now, what I can do to help her through this and she said she didn't know. But, from listening to her, I think all she wants right now is for me to just love her, not to judge her, be there to listen to her and to help her with the kids. I asked her if that basically she wants us to be a family again and she said yes.
This same kind of thing has happened a couple of times in the recent past and it seems that WW gets more serious about it each time. I can understand where she is coming from about not being able to make any promises. For now, I'll do just like she wants, simply love her and be there for her and let that prove to her how I feel about her. I know its going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work on both our parts. Hey, I made a lifetime commitment to her and I still plan on seeing it through, hopefully this is a big step in the right direction.
Still plodding along, just a little more spring in my step today… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
