Does this make sense? And how do you deal with it?

I am committed to my marriage.
WH separated from me.
Im working on becoming a fantastic wife.
I still love him and want him back home
.....but.....
what if someone else came on the scene for me?
If Im committed to my marriage and cant date unless Im divorced (which I would never do his dirty work anyway) how does it work?
Do you understand what Im saying?
Im not putting a time limit on WH, but God might.

Dancer

Dancer, that's a tough one. I will venture to say that you should be very careful; at this stage you are very vulnerable, and your feelings may play tricks on you, going after a "quick fix", if you will, removing you from the pain.

I'd say it's not a good time to think clearly about a new committment, as much as your heart may pull you towards that.

Be careful, go slowly, make a decision NOT to make decisions at this stage.

Dancer,

Man do I ever feel what you are saying. It would be so much easier and so much more pleasant just to find another women. I find myself looking constantly. I so need to feel loved, but right now, I feel so alone. Happy, but alone. I force myself to keep my feelings at bay when I talk to other women that I find attractive. It is just so hard sometimes especially when my WW constantly reminds (or reminded) me that she did not want to work on us and could care less if I leave. I can not seem to get those words out of my mind.

I think the best thing to do here is keep to your time limit. However, God has given you an out (IMHO) in these cases. If you find someone that really meets all your criteria, why wait for someone that hurt you so much. Go for the gold, but do so with your brain not with your feelings.

Tough stuff.

You can't be committed to a marriage with one eye, and have one eye on the handsome mail man.

I understand what you are saying, it is hard to be alone, and see him move on with his life. You have needs for adult companionship, to be loved and appreciated, to be kissed, to be cuddled, to not be so lonely.

If you are feeling this way it might be time to rethink your plan. Sit down once again with your pen and paper and write it all down. What is it that you are willing and ABLE to do? Can you wait for one month? one year?

When you do things on paper it makes them more clear, it is then in black and white. You can make your pros and cons, your reasons list and your limits and boundries.

I have a date this weekend, and I'm absolutely thrilled. I'll email you with the nitty gritty. I made a post on Divorcing/Divorced if you get a chance to peek over there.

Sweet thing, it works out, it just takes time.

Love,
E

Spacecase - theres no one on the scene anyway. But I am feeling vulnerable, yes. I just cant look at guys in case I come across as vulnerable. Ive got no decisions to make anyway, thankgoodness.

Cam - its hard eh, like we're the ones falling into temptation now.

JTW - You got my point directly - how can I be committed if Im even thinking these things? I will go to bed tonight and talk to God about taking things bit by bit. Last week I told a confidant that Id wait 18months for WH, but sometimes the thought makes me feel like Im wasting my time. I guess I could go month to month and on the first of each, rededicate my committment, if thats where its going.

Dancer
Ps - anyone care for a rum ball??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dancer:
<strong>how can I be committed if Im even thinking these things?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well it's because you may not be totally committed. You have been hurt, betrayed and are low and vulnerable. The natural instinct would be to run, to escape, to have someone else fill the void of WH. That's a natural thought.

You doubt your future. I do too. I am committed to my wife by I think of the pain and I doubt, then I think of other women. I also think it's protection mechanism, a coping mechanism.

I agree with running man. You can look and have feelings like this and still stay comitted and why? Because you do not act upon your feelings. Actions break comitments not feelings.

RunningMan - yes, you understand me. I really do have doubts about the future at times, but somehow they fade and I move on with my goals. It just makes me feel guilty when I doubt or want someone to love me.

Chameleon - who are you? youre very wise and have some good instruction. I like what you said - ACTIONS BREAK THE COMMITTMENT. Like giving in to temptation is the sin, not being tempted. Still, I feel guilty bout it at times.

I just read JTW thread re going on a date on Divorced/ing - I think I'll stick to waiting for H! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dancer