I am Sarah, 20. Mom of two kids. My daughter is 3 years old and my Son is 6 1/2 months. I have been with their father Mike for 5 years. We are not married. To be totally honest with you. I don't want to get married, it scares me.

I come here in hopes to find some support and good advice. I will try my best to explain our situation.

Our relationship was generally good, all the way around, until I got pregnant with my Son. I became very distant. I didn't want any affection at all, I felt that my body belonged to my baby and no one else. This of course put a strain on our relationship. It has only gotten worse. We have had sex ONCE in the past year.

For some reason, sex disgusts me. And mainly because he has gained sooo much weight in the past year or so. I find myself terribly unnattracted to him. I find myself looking at other men and wishing he looked more like them. I have had 2 kids and managed to stay within 15 pounds of my prepregnancy weight. Gaining 60-70 pounds with both pregnancies. And giving birth to two 9+ pound babies. I feel like he has let himself go, and with no good reasoning.

I have truly found that I have fallen "out of love" with him. I have told him some of this and he knows I don't feel the same, but doesn't know about the weight issue. I do not want to hurt his feelings. It will truly crush him. I may not feel the same about him as I did 5 years ago when we met, but I am not cold hearted. I still care. I just don't feel in love anymore. I am still with him, because of course we have two children together, and I want what is best for them. And right now I cannot afford to care for my children without him. Financially I mean.

I truly wish we could work things out and be happy, and be in love again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> But it seems that every time I feel things are getting better, he does something to screw it up. That's a whole other story. My Son is fussing so I have to go. I'll fill you all in on the rest later. Thanks in advance!!!!! I hope I found some support...
Sorry about the novella <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

There's a lot of really good information here that I think would be of big help to you! I'm not much in to reading things at the computer so I just bought the book His Needs Her Needs...it's GREAT! A lot of that information is outlined on the website for free though.

Sex only once in the last year is NOT GOOD! It sounds like physical attractiveness is a top need for you. Also, have you talked to your doctor at all about your lack of sexual desire? It might have something to do with your post-baby horomones being off.

Hi Sarah,

Couples often feel like they have fallen out of love and it is usually attributed to unmet needs. Couples CAN fall in love again when they both work to meet each others needs. Just like your needs are not being met, neither are his. And it isn't just HIM, it would be this way probably with any other partner. You will just repeat the pattern with another partner if you don't try to resolve it with this one.

I would suggest reading everything on this website, especially the Emotional Needs principles and questionaires. That should be a good start.